Youdah - the reading you did for Antigone in Sept could have been me. I too have low self-esteem and have let myself be treated like dirt by men I thought I loved. The more attracted I am to a man the more crap I put up with just so he will "like" me. I think that once he sees how nice I am, how great I am, how much fun, how sweet, how kind and generous - THEN he will love me like I love him. Of course you can image what happens. I finally get frustrated and insulted enough to walk away and suffer over it for a long time wondering why I was treated that way. Whew....!!! I so want to be done with that.

My dob is 4-21-1960 Council Bluffs Iowa at 1:00 pm

If it is all possible would you look at the guy I am now suffering over? His dob is 5-30-1961 Virginia Minn at midnight. I believed there was something special there with him and yup - he treated me like a doormat until I walked away. Now he has someone else and appears to treat her well. A big blow because I turn it over and over in my mind what is better about her... I make myself very anxious and upset over this. I have been divorced for a long time and am lonely. I would like to have a happy relationship but just like Antigone I don't value or respect myself enough.

Will I be able to turn myself around soon?

Thanks in advance - I look forward to your response.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

miimaa!  What are you doing to yourself!  No one is going to respect you until you start respecting yourself.  You are going to attract abusers like a magnet until you stop believing that it is somehow saintly and good to be everyone's victim.  You seem to think that by giving up your own basic human rights to be treated decently that everyone will treat you well!  Nope!  As you know, this only gives others permission to treat you like scum....and so they do.  you're running around with a big sign on your back saying, "please treat me like crap!"  The remedy is easy.  Believe yourself worthy of being treated well, very well, and walk the other way or speak up anytime anyone isn't treating you with lots and lots of respect.  This includes coworkers, bosses, family, friends, lovers, potential lovers, anyone! (Pisces Chiron)  And I'm not talking about speaking up after you've put up with all you can stand!  I'm talking about speaking up with the barest hint or whisper of anyone's disrespect right when it's happening!  Read a good book on assertiveness training, if you need to, but don't allow this to happen any longer!!  If they won't treat you with respect after you've requested decent treatment, get rid of them fast; it will save you time and heartache...and if they continue to treat you lousy, then they aren't the kind of a mate you'd want anyway, so good riddance!

The biggest problem here is that you don't think you deserve to be treated any better.  Wrong!  Just because you are alive, you have the right to be treated as well as anyone else!  So stop asking for abuse by putting up with it!

You are so focused on having a relationship that you'll do anything at all to have one...even be treated like sludge.  This has the opposite effect, because you will only attract people who want to treat someone like sludge!  So until you raise your standards, and believe you are good enough for better, you are going to have an endless parade of these scumbags in your life.  (7th House Chiron).

I see so many women in my astrology practice who do this!  They think that if they "please" their mate, even at their own personal and emotional expense, then we will like them better.  No way, madam!  Men who are looking for a loving relationship will stay miles away from a "people pleaser" because you can't return our love in a genuine way.  So, this behavior actually repels exactly the kind of man YOU are looking for.  Be yourself!  Not what you think some man wants!  Women who do this don't understand!  Men like to please their mate, and make them happy, too!  But, when you change more often than the weather,  constantly being a different person, constantly acting differently because you're trying to please US, it is just too much work and too confusing to figure you out!  So, we bail and find someone who is more open, someone who we can understand who they are and what makes them tick!

Look at this problem from a man's point of view.  We are in this relationship.  The woman is doing everything to please us.  She gets the slippers, makes us dinner, listens to us with wide eyes...and this is the most wonderful feeling in the world.  Heck, we've found someone who will give us everything we desire...with no lip or crap.  Then, SUDDENLY, she blows up because we've been a brute all this time (because she can't stand it anymore).  We feel like failures.  We feel betrayed and lied to.  You changed the rules mid-play.  What you seemed to be, you weren't.  We suddenly don't know where we stand, or how to treat you.  First you give us everything, then you get mad and stomp off in a huff, BECAUSE you gave us everything!  Heck, we didn't ask you to act that way, but you're mad at us, because you acted this way?  Wow!  This woman is crazy, we think.  Now, how can anyone, male or female, deal with this kind of "game playing."  You see, to us, this is just a silly game, and we won't want any part of it.  That is why you've got to be genuine...so we are attracted to  the real you, so we know the "rules" and how you want to be treated!

For you, miimaa, you also need to stop feeling like you deserve poverty!  For heavens sake!  You are a very talented and attractive woman (earth grand trine with pluto, jupiter, sun).  Girl, you need to go out and buy yourself some nice things!  You need to do this in a big way!  It will help you feel prettier, more worthy, more valuable, etc., to be wearing clothes that you like, and "done up" nicely.  (2/8 moons nodes).  And when you go shopping, don't buy stuff you think someone else will like! Buy things to start creating your own sense of style!  Things you like, even if you think no one else will approve or like them; buy it anyway if YOU like it, because it helps you express your own creativity and style.  Doing this will help attract a mate who is interested in the real you...the real you that you are literally wearing on your sleeve!

Now, get busy!  Do your nails, if you like that.  Get a new hairstyle, if yours doesn't suit you.  Buy a great wardrobe, or start hanging out at the local thrift stop (you can get some great bargains there, and some clothes that have never been worn).  Start finding out who you are!  And stop trying to turn yourself into a pretzel just to please someone else!  No wonder you can't find someone who loves YOU!  You never let anyone see the real you while you're trying to please THEM!  

Hang a big sign on your mirror, so everytime you get ready to go somewhere you will walk out of your house with a smile, confident, expressing the real you, and excited for whatever the new day is going to bring to you.

And, yes, you'll find him.    Or, rather, he'll find you.

Regards...

Thank you Youdah. The guy I referred to (dob 5-30-1961).. what about him? He did a lot of the game playing. Hot and cold. Sometimes warm and sweet and the next time I saw him cold and distant. I overlooked a lot of bad behavior from him. I thought that if I had patience things would work out.  He can be very nice. I have seen him be nice to other people and it makes me crazy trying to figure out why he wasn't that way with me. Were we simply not meant for each other and no matter what I would have done it would not have worked out?

I tolerated a lot of bad behavior from my ex-husband too. I loved him and I thought he would WANT to be mature and a decent man. He didn't - gambling, lying, unemployed. I gave him chance after chance until one day I found out about another huge lie to cover money he'd taken. He's on his third wife now.

Great reading btw. I am as you described - too eager to please and not assertive enough. I didn't want to come off at a bi!ch and so I would ignore bad behavior and hope that if I was a good and decent person he would want to be too. With both of those men I believed they loved me as well but were they immature and I should have stayed away from them altogether?

After reading your reply, I have nothing more to say.  You missed the point of my reading, and just didn't seem to "get" it.  Good luck to you.

Oh... I did not mean to offend. I thought your message was to stand up for myself, believe I deserve the good things in life and not sell myself short. Maybe I was too focused on this part -

Look at this problem from a man's point of view.  We are in this relationship.  The woman is doing everything to please us.  She gets the slippers, makes us dinner, listens to us with wide eyes...and this is the most wonderful feeling in the world.  Heck, we've found someone who will give us everything we desire...with no lip or crap.  Then, SUDDENLY, she blows up because we've been a brute all this time (because she can't stand it anymore).  We feel like failures.  We feel betrayed and lied to.  You changed the rules mid-play.  What you seemed to be, you weren't.  We suddenly don't know where we stand, or how to treat you.  First you give us everything, then you get mad and stomp off in a huff, BECAUSE you gave us everything!  Heck, we didn't ask you to act that way, but you're mad at us, because you acted this way?  Wow!  This woman is crazy, we think.  Now, how can anyone, male or female, deal with this kind of "game playing."  You see, to us, this is just a silly game, and we won't want any part of it.  That is why you've got to be genuine...so we are attracted to  the real you, so we know the "rules" and how you want to be treated!

I want to believe in the inherent goodness of everyone and can't understand why any guy would treat a woman poorly. The bigger question though is why would I put up with that kind of behavior? Why do I think I don't deserve better? Much time, energy and regret has been wasted on men that didn't appreciate it. I don't think I'm crazy but have been guilty of being too nice and then wondering why I didn't get the same back. I know I LET them treat me like sludge. It's my own fault and I hate it. I had no idea the guy would feel like a failure since he'd pretty much been a jerk anyway and I let him get away with it.

I apologize if you feel you wasted your time in responding to my query. I appreciate your response and have saved it.