Hey!
Just a quick one while the others get to this: I think you don't have to chose between the two, I think that the both ARE you!
Maybe try integrating the both than rather choosing the one with the risk of leaving 'half' of you behind. ;)
And also just a thought - maybe stop looking? I know that when I wait and wait for something it never comes. If I take my mind off from it and just let it be then all of a sudden WHOOPS!! There it is! heehee.
Its like the more you wait for something with bated breath the further it 'runs' away from ya.
But yeah...my 2cents
Have a great day! and WELCOME!!!
RR