Well this is turning into quite an interesting homework assignment! I just read a little bit about Chiron in hard aspect to Pluto and it does sound very much like my childhood. My mother did not tolerate any kind of expression of emotion from me because it inconvenienced her. She was a total bully and I was her favorite target. Because I was a victim of this type of behavior, I’ve made it a point to let others make their own decisions without imposing my opinions or making demands. That’s not to say I don’t have an opinion; I may express it but I don’t demand that others follow me. I don’t try to change anybody.  Let them screw their own lives up. They don’t need my help.

Chiron in hard aspect to the Sun is supposed to make the native sensitive to criticism. That’s probably true although I think I have become less sensitive to this. I found the constructive criticism of my teachers to be very valuable and I think I have grown from it. I still get defensive if I receive unfair criticism or if someone is being unduly harsh. Since I have learned to be self-protective, I generally don’t do anything half-assed and when I experience harsh and unfair criticism, I can back myself up and defend whatever it is I am being criticized for. This doesn’t seem to happen very much these days. The hard aspect also makes it difficult to express inner needs or emotions. I am not sure if this is still true for me; expressing my needs and especially my emotions as a child was a dangerous thing. Talk about harsh criticism. Mom enjoyed humiliating me as that was her source of power. Needless to say, it took me years to understand what I even wanted to do with my life. She destroyed my self esteem and continuously threatened my existence so just surviving became the goal. I suppose this is still true but now I know that I can survive and be successful. It’s the becoming successful part that I am having trouble accomplishing right now. As far as expressing my needs, I thought I did a good job of that in my original post.

One other thing I read about Chiron in aspect to the Sun is that it makes one feel special in some way, like they are here for a reason. Interesting. I can certainly relate to that although I don’t feel like I am above everyone else. I just always had this intuition, even as a child, that I was supposed to do something very particular in this life. What that exactly is seems to elude me but I think I am going in the right direction. Well, I thought I was, up until I hit this brick wall.

I read that George Bernard Shaw has a square between Chiron and Pluto and oppositions from the Sun and Venus to Chiron so all of this is very similar to my chart. He used his power in intellectual matters and this seems to be my arena as well. I don’t like confrontations because they are a waste of time. That’s not to say I will back down when confronted; it is more likely that I will stand my ground and prove my point. But I don’t go looking for a fight because it makes me physically ill and I don’t see any benefit from it.

I just read that transiting Chiron in the chart goes through a particular cycle; the opposition brings freedom to the spirit from some confining situation. It seems like that’s what I have been going through in this lifetime. Even though the opposition is static in my natal chart, it still reacts like the transit. I could not do anything in this life until I severed all ties to my mother. One day I just left and I never returned. I knew that I had to do this to save my life and while it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I only regret that I didn’t do it sooner. I did this on Sept. 1, 1994 and this day is like a second birthday for me. I have never been in contact with her and I have no idea if she is dead or alive and really, I just don’t care. I would not have anything to do with her again under any circumstances because there is nothing to gain from it.    It was a hard won freedom; I have no intention of letting anyone else abuse me like this so this is another reason I avoid relationships. Women are expected to sacrifice way too much in a relationship and I have worked too hard to get where I am to make sacrifices now. Besides, I haven’t finished climbing yet. No more detours!

On Sept. 1, 1994, Chiron was transiting my Virgo stellium and was just past my Sun by less than a degree. This is supposed to be a time when one “rewrites one’s life script.”  The conjunction to Pluto brings a sudden, deep internal upheaval followed by freedom. The conjunction to Uranus brings a sudden, shocking change. A statement of independence. The conjunction to Uranus had happened some time prior to when I actually left.  I had visited a friend 2 months before and when I was there, I really realized how much I wanted to move back up north and this occurred when transiting Chiron was conjunct my natal Uranus. I suppose the seeds had been sown then. Nataly, the Chiron-Sun opposition creates a life and death struggle to bring the personality into full expression. I guess this just about sums it up. Realization comes around the time of the Uranus opposition to its own place. For me, this transit occurred during the final year of my BS. The final pass of this opposition occurred around the time I decided to continue on and get my MBA in finance. Finance always intimidated me so I thought it would be a good degree to get.  

Everything I read about the Chiron-Venus opposition has to do with having a deep intuition for the occult and being overly receptive to others. Hmm, hardly. I’m a loner. I have an interest in the occult and a decent grasp of Astrology, I-Ching, Tarot and reincarnation, but I think deep intuition is a stretch. Chiron trine Neptune is supposed to indicate a teacher of young children. Let me tell you how irritating I find children to be.

At first I didn’t see a connection with Chiron transiting Capricorn and me returning to school. However, it appears that when Chiron transits the 9th house, which is where I have most of Capricorn, prior wounds caused by the learning experience are exposed again and the opportunity for healing is present. This is exactly what happened and what I try to explain when I tell people that getting an education is more of a personal victory for me. I did well in school as a child and I even skipped a grade, but it was never enough for my tyrant mother. Overall, grade school was not a positive experience for me and I was forced into college originally at 16. I was not mature enough for college then and I failed miserably. It took a permanent separation from the tyrant and 22 years for me to have the courage to try again.  I have to admit I take great pleasure in the fact that my mother cannot benefit from my success; her goal all along was for me to become successful so that I could provide for her. Did I mention she was a narcissist? And a parasite?

Also during this time I was experiencing transiting Pluto square my Virgo stellium and squaring Chiron.  I was fortunate in that I did not experience the usual pain & suffering that Pluto squares bring; I actually had an easier time of it and I grew tremendously by going to school. The most difficult thing I dealt with was the bombings of the Twin Towers. The World Trade Center was my favorite landmark in NYC and I felt this attack very personally because this was my home that was being targeted. At the time I had an internet business and overnight business decreased by 75%. I knew I had to do something so I suppose it is fair to say that this tragedy motivated me to return to school. I made this life-altering decision on Christmas day, 2001. I didn’t even give it much thought. I just made the decision to do it.

Transiting Uranus was conjunct my natal Chiron in April of 2006. This was a significant month for me in that I finally left a company I was working at for 2 years. They were corrupt and poorly managed and I just couldn’t work for such a company. But jobs are hard to come by here so I left only after I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Working at this company convinced me that the SEC does not go after corrupt organizations even when it knows about them. The SEC won’t do a thing until forced to do so. This is one of the prime reasons we are currently in a financial crisis.  But I digress…

Currently, Chiron is still lingering over my natal Saturn and sextiling my natal Jupiter. Chiron is rx so this is going to last a while.  Transiting Saturn is also opposing natal Chiron so I have a double Saturn-Chiron connection. The opposition from Saturn explains my current frustration. It is supposed to also bring misunderstandings with superiors but that isn’t happening; instead, my passive-aggressive co-worker is driving me insane. There is no point in trying to confront her with her behavior because – surprise – she denies everything. She is also battling (successfully) Hodgkin’s Lymphoma so she has the sympathy factor on her side. Trying to do anything about her behavior will only bring me grief.  I figure I won’t be here that much longer (hope springs eternal) so the best course of action for me is to avoid her as much as possible. I learned a long time ago that confronting a passive-aggressive brings more trouble than it’s worth.

I couldn’t find much on the transit to Saturn except that this time is supposed to bring out the self critical nature in me. I need no help for that. The part about experiencing bouts of hopelessness is true enough. I feel like that now. This is supposed to be an aspect of perseverance. Let me tell you, my whole life has been about perseverance.  The sextile to Jupiter is supposed to be optimistic, indicating a time when it is easy to persevere and move through old wounds. Hmm, I don’t see it. The conjunction to Saturn comes back in December. I should be in a delightful mood by then…

So I assume I am stuck here until Chiron makes its last pass over Saturn? Chiron will trine my natal Mars in May and then go rx for most of 2009.  Do I have to wait until then to get out of this miserable town? I wasn’t able to find anything on transiting Chiron trine Mars but the trine in the natal chart indicates a person who seems to be blessed with lucky breaks.  Gawd, maybe I really will have to wait until next spring to get out of Dodge.

As for moving Chiron in a relocated chart – in OC, Chiron would be relocated to my first house.  One site says this position is a journey into self-discovery. I can live with that. Another site says dynamic, disarming and quite attractive. Well, I’m sold.  

So did I save you some typing or what?

I knew I'd found a familiar spirit.  Yes, you got it.  Chiron is the key.  People like to blame saturn, neptune, etc.,  But, it's Chiron that demands that we face our old wounds and heal them.  Chiron will give us the same circumstances over and over and over until we heal...and understand.  When we understand, then we can help others.  And, here I am.

The next biggest thing I hope you can grasp is this:  what you think, what you believe, creates your reality.  Period.  Somewhere in your head or beliefs is still the "I don't deserve it" so it is holding you back.  For all the work you've done, for all the strength you've gained, and getting away from the torturous influences, somewhere in your deep beliefs, you are still thinking you are not worthy.  

When you can truly weed out the old bad messages, out of your belief systems, the aggravations do not bother you anymore!  You wouldn't be having the problems with the passive-aggressive co-worker, because when your belief is that YOU DESERVE peace, harmony, and a pleasant work environment, it literally REPELS those people from your life without you doing anything!  She will quit.  She will get fired.  She will get pregnant and take a leave of absence, or some other situation will cause her to leave your life, because THAT is how it works!  Our beliefs REPEL the things we don't believe, and ATTRACT the things we do believe.  

It is in your life because somewhere in your belief system is the message that you deserve to be aggravated.  Somewhere you still feel powerless to do anything about it (you all but said this).  NO!  That isn't how it works!  You simply start believing that you are loved by the universe or god or yourself, or all the above!  When you get rid of the feeling of powerlessness, the aggravations are REPELLED from us.  The entire universe works to give us WHAT WE BELIEVE!

We can tell ourselves intellectually all day long that something is true or not.  But, until it gets down to our very core, our beliefs, and subconscious, then it doesn't change our lives!

When you get to the point, in your deepest beliefs, at the subconscious level, that you deserve better, that you deserve abundance and success, that you are lovable, and good, and great, and competent, etc., then it starts to happen!  

I can't say this enough.  WHAT YOU THINK AND BELIEVE, BECOMES.  

yes, this idea has been around for centuries.  It has been ridiculed and minimized.  It has been debated and movies, TV shows, entire philosophies have been built around it.  Religions have been built around it.  yet, until you actually see it happen in your own life, it is almost too much to believe.  But, it works!  It truly works.  All anyone ever needs to do is BELIEVE in themselves...at a very deep and profound level, and the entire world works for us.

There are two things holding you back.  Saturn riding in your 10th house, and your inner beliefs about yourself.  From the moment I first looked at your horary chart, I already knew this...and I hoped to get you to this message.  There is nothing in your natal chart or current transits to prevent you from getting the job you want...any job you want.  It is just these two things causing you problems...saturn in the 10th, and your inner beliefs.

Yet, even saturn in the 10th wouldn't be a big problem, because this could be worked to get you a job that you'd have until retirement...saturn can also mean stability.  So, at the end of it all, it's just Chiron that's holding you back...your inner beliefs...the need to finish healing.

You've come so very far!  Good God!  How far you have come!  It is amazing that you have even survived!  yet, here you are!  Strong.  Caring.  Intelligent.  Thoughtful.  Eager.  and even under the walls you've built, there is some kindness and friendship!  you're almost there!  It is just going to take a little bit more work.

You are familiar with Chakras.  Start doing some chakra work.  I'll give you a hint.  You're blocked at the 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th Chakras.  This is forcing energy to stay at the 1st and 2nd...survival issues.  Spend some time thinking about when you were not allowed to speak your mind (5th), when you were pressured not to see what you actually saw (6th) by telling you that you were loved when you were actually abused (for example), times when you were kept powerless (3rd), when you had to keep your heart hidden so it wouldn't be trampled on (4th)...call these things up again.  Simply experience them as the observer.  If you need to cry, get angry, whatever, feel it.  Then, when you are ready to let them go, one by one, put them in a box (in your mind), close the lid, and heal.

Then you need, at a very deep level, hug yourself and love yourself.  You are the only one who can give you all the love that you didn't get as a child.  The adult in you can love that child!  (Yeah, I know "the inner child" has gotten trivialized, but it is a valid exercise).  Your spirit will guide you with this...because inside you is the healer, the wise higher self...just listen to yourself, and you'll know what you need to do to let these things go forever, so you can start living the life you want and DESERVE!

Meditate.

30-minutes every day.

It will change your life.  And, I guarantee, you'll get the job just as soon as you start BELIEVING that you deserve it.