I don't think his problem comes down to smoking as much as the great amount of lying I've done about it. People have preferences of what they want in a partner, some stronger than others. I knew from the very start that smoking wasn't something he could deal with on the account of having many family members of his die as a result. It's traumatic to him.

 I personally just went through a very tough experience earlier this year where my Grandmother (who pretty much raised me for a good half of my life) developed lung cancer and almost died from the surgery to remove it. Again, a result from smoking. She quit for awhile after that, could breathe and didn't cough all of the time. But even after coming VERY close to dying and finally quitting, she started up again. Now she's back to coughing and chain smoking. She put her family through pure hell and worry...made us promise her we wouldn't let her start again...for nothing. Probably for her to only wind up dying from cigarettes in the end.

 I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE HER! I don't want my son to ever have to go through that. Smoking isn't beneficial in any way (well, expect for the stress...but in my case, it causes even more stress).

  No matter what, it comes down to being my choice. I could choose to just give up on him and do whatever the hell I want. Whether it destroys me or not. But I'm choosing to take the road that will be best for everyone.

 To tell you the truth, I'm kind of upset that peoples first response to me keeps being to end the relationship. The relationship has more benefits than cigarettes...so why would I do that?

Ah, that gives a clearer picture.  Let's see now.  You lie.  You smoke when you know this is important to him.  You get yourself pregnant when you know you're smoking/lying.  Then you didn't see this coming when he broke up?  Did I get all this right?

Yes, I'm being tough on you.  You have some growing up to do.  A lot.

Trust me.  The patch, and even if you quit smoking, won't solve the problems here!

I'm leaving this thread, because this just makes me shake my head with the absurdity of it all.

1.)  I never said that I was pregnant. I get ovarian cysts and have endometriosis, which can cause similar symptoms. I developed these things after having my son, so I don't even know if I can have anymore kids.
 2.) I quit smoking when I was pregnant with my son.
 3.) You don't know the whole situation, you don't know me, you don't know my life. You don't know what he and I have been through, or what I have been through. You don't know the reasoning for my lying, you don't know the reasoning for anything, except for what I've told you. You don't even know the whole story to this situation that I'm in now. I couldn't even begin to explain it all since you should very rarely take one situation and judge it singularly. And considering I've been with him for over 6 years,  it would take too long to go through it all.
 3.) Do you honestly believe that I don't know that I need to grow up? People are constantly growing and learning. For you to judge me, is very sad. And as much as I wanted your advice, I would much rather receive it from someone who isn't a cruel bitter, judgmental *&&*V&*^. You shouldn't be in the position to help people. I think you need to find something better to do with your time, because I would hate to have someone else reaching out to you...only to be criticized and judged.

 Do you enjoy being cruel to people who mean you no harm? Does it get you off, *&&*V&*^?


 I'm trying to make this situation an opportunity to change. To start getting my life, and eventually his and my relationship is a better working order. So please, do stay out of this thread. You're a harmful person. You need to learn compassion and how to speak to people properly before you start spewing out your bullshit.

Yes, I have given you a hard time.  Do you feel better blasting me?    The only reason I got such a good emotional reaction out of you is because something I said hit home.

Love, you've got a bucket full of problems.  And you are incredibly young to be having the kind of serious problems you're having.  If someone doesn't shake you up a little, and get you looking around at reality, you're going to have a very hard life that's going to give you a whole lot more trouble than a stranger giving you a hard time on a website.

You came here wanting to get pregnant, or thinking you might be.  This is the least of your problems, and not a way at all to deal with the problems you do have.  You're 20 years old.  You already have one kid, and a relationship that's up and down.  I doubt if you have anyway to support yourself beyond labor jobs that pay poorly.  Do you see the kind of mess you're in?  Instead of thinking how to take care of yourself and your family, you dream about more pregnancies!  Good Grief, girl!  Get a grip!

Now there are many on this website who give freely of their time, knowledge and all they have to help others.  But, sometimes the help someone needs isn't dreams, cotton candy, and promises of psychic readings for winning the lottery and all your life will be just peachy.  Maybe so, but it won't happen for you, Love, if you don't get your head out of the clouds and start working to get your life in order.  If that's offensive to you, and pointing out to you these problems, then that's just too bad.  I don't give readings that people all want to hear, but I do stay honest and say the truth...even when it hurts.

And, Love?  I'm entitled to my opinion, too.  Try respecting others before you claim you didn't get respect, OK?  I don't feel I was very respected for my time and effort when asked for a reading on pregnancies by someone in your situation.  Ask me about schooling, or trying to solve your current problems, and I'll take you a little more seriously.  It's ever that someone wants to scream they've been wronged, but have no thought to how they wrong others.

On a serious note, you had by your own postings said where the problem lies.  It was not giving him the opportunity to make a choice, or to make one with half truths.  He had every right to wish for a partner who didn't smoke.  Sounds like you understand both sides in this Love and Destruction.  No one can make someone love them, always backfires. Had he known the truth he still may have accepted you, but he was denied that chance. That kinda made me upset with my partner, he did that and took years before I could just let it go.  I seen it as lies, and if he could lie about that, something so little, would he lie with the big stuff?  You asked for our perspective so I am giving you mine.  Only the pair of you know if it will work out or not.  

In all fairness I seen that these trivial matters may not seem like a lot. But when it happened to me, and I didn't have all the info. I felt so hurt inside.  That he couldn't be honest and open.  Just so there would be no fighting he would say. Well sooner or later it comes to surface.  He has learned this, and I have learned to not sweet the small stuff anymore. Long painful journey.  But like a rock tumbler...we are comming out shinning like two polished stones!  That is how I see it.

Youdah

why do you suggest that she is from the working poor class?  I ask this because that hurts to hear such talk from such a wise person. Such sterotypes.  I share this now with you.  

I lived two lives.  

One of the poorest of poor in my early childhood.  Food was not there,  times we had no electric, no clean clothes, shoes too small.  I would make a game of swallowing all the water and jump up and down....swoosh, swoosh it made such a lovely sound. The water in my tummy.  I would eat grass and pretend I was a cow...MOOOOO lmao.  I did what I had to survive.  No prayers filled my tummy, no angels came to rescue me out of the ...well they didn't stop it.

The other live was filled with many priviledged things. Private tutors, private schools, private music lessons. Honors, and awards. (just paper to me)  When I was in jr high I was colledge level in my reading and vocab. I knew four languages in HS.  English, Spanish, French, and Latin.  I played 8 instruments.  All was going well until that one thing happened.  Then I lost all ability to really grasp things.  I forgot so much over a process of weeks.  My brain is not the same, for those who know...I got my mind a little broken with the help of a few things.  Permanent this is.  I am broke, no one can fix it.  Just now they are comming out saying OOPPS, yes I was one of those children.  It was out of my control.

And there are those who place labels upon people.  I cannot judge her since I do not know her.  She may be a colledge student, or already graduated.  Why must she be of a certain breed?  I'm baffled by this.  There is nothing wrong with her wishing for more children.  Even at the age of 20 we can feel that clock.  She might be in the possition to afford more children, who's to say otherwise?

I have been hurt by people who say those things.   What the hell is wrong with those who labor?  If those who look down upon it, then build your own roads, clean up after yourselves, and wash your own clothes.

I have had a wild crazy life but at least I can say that I have lived!

Enough of this pointing, she has admited that she had lied to him.  She understands his side, because he lost many family members.  I see a young woman who is opening her eyes.  But she is still a woman, and we have those wishing for children. Or perhaps she doesn't wish for them now, but is just asking out of sheer curiousity.  Haven't you had any daughters Youdah?  My two are like that already!! From the time they are really little.  Weddings, Babies, etc.   I understand that you were showing tough love Youdah, but there is a balance I see needed.  When we do this I see that you are a liar, you lied, yada, yada, ya. But offer little compassion that is sad to me.  I don't understand, but then I am a woman who just sees another blooming woman on her life's journey.

For those who know me well, know that I rarely speak out. I hate to stir stuff up.  Being the peace keeper and all.  But we don't know her heart. Casting stones is not nice. Suggestions work fine.  I do value your imput Youdah.  I know that I am still learning as I grow.  We will say things that frustrate eachother, we are different humans sharing the same planet.  

Enough rambles.  I just wished to bring peace to this.  Lord only knows what you think of me, and that hurts since you do not know me.  You do not know what lies inside my heart.  It is big and loves all people.  And no I do not feel better now, I feel worse. Because I may have hurt your feelings and to me that just sucks egg.  Speaking up and risking being hated is one thing this young woman did today.  I admire her bravery.  

Safe Journey