Hi Cedars

I hope you are very well. I am wondering if I can ask for a reading? Phrase it as you wish. I would prefer for it to focus on love/romance over anything else.

I am feeling lost and weird at the moment.

I have had a pretty challenging life to date , but I've worked through it and have reached stability (I.e have a nice home, good job and working towards more financial stability). I try to not be scared of the future/history repeated itself, and am greatful for all have - but material possessions are not enough for me to feel completley fulfilled.

I have noticed that certain repeated patterns don't let up , however hard I work. In two areas of my life. Love and friendships. I am 28, have always been single.The men I am interested in are either not interested in me or treat me abusively.Or i am pestered by completley ineligible people (i.e mentally ill people or people that are unattractive and/or not intelligent).

I have done a lot of 'law of attraction'/positive thinking to mitigate this frustrating pattern and generally improve myself as a person . I have also enrolled in lots of hobby groups the past 1.5 years to meet new friends- yet the same pattern ensues  I meet people that treat me abusively/dismissively and/or with a  lack of respect/regard.
Whilst, my intention isn't to sound/be self pitying - I am only human and cannot pretend that I am/would be satisifed with a lifetime of this sort.

I am kind of sick of making an effort with people and working so hard in general for this repeated outcome that I have seen pretty much my whole life. To the best of my knowledge, I am not overbearing, pushy, social inept etc - but attract the above over and over.
I find it weird that I put so much effort in personal development, yet have to 'fight' to get decent people/treatment (bfs or friends) in my life, and I must admit that the repeated patterns result in me feeling lonely, as I imagine any other individual would. It maybe that my negative thinking is so ingrained in me that this explains the above, but I really have given recovery my all (i.e i went to recovery groups for 4 nights a week, got a sponser, read litreature for years), yet nothing (other than financially) has improved.

Recently, I have given up going to nightclubs and bars (which I frequented greatly over the past decade) as I don't really like the experience in regards to being around alcohol and having meaningless conversations with people owing to being inebriated and there is no point as I am invisible to men, so it is just an exercise in more rejection.

This has left me feeling even more lonely and weird as I have even more spare time of doing nothing and my 'friends' cancel constantly in regards to daytime activities, so I have to just spend time alone - which is ok, but obviously can get lonely. I am sorry if the above sounds futile, it is just the blunt fact of my repeated experiences.

I know you can't /don't do predictive readings. But I was wondering if you could do a reading on the above (focus moreso on love) than anything else.

thank you so much ahead of time, and for your time in reading this lengthy/detailed post.

Dear Inno
sorry that I have not come back to you with a reading so far.
I have, for want of a better word, been feeling sort of 'burnt out' and other things going out in my life.

I am wondering if you still like to have that reading and I will do my best to get back to you.

Hi Cedars

A reading would be great - but please, not if too much trouble to you or will make your health worse owing to the effort...

Thank you

Hello Inno

Thank you for your concern, but do not worry, my health is good.

I sympathise and in a way relate to your plea.

When I read your initial posting I kept having one thought on the forefront of my mind with regard to your situation: you are trying far too hard. I feel that every aspect of your social interaction is geared towards meeting this illusive romance rather than you, Inno, enjoying herself and having a good time. I am by no means an expert in relationships, but I could not help noticing in your description your efforts in ‘self development’, some form of counselling, group therapy and so on and so on. Why?  Whoever told you that if you are not ‘self developed’ that you would not find the wretched Mr Right? Who told you that you needed counselling in order to meet this Mr Illusive who probably does not even deserve you? And.... isn’t that what has been happening: meeting people who do not deserve you and who are no match to you?

There is no right or wrong formula in finding love and romance my friend. And, as for this law of attraction business, well, I would just give it a rest and get on with your life. There is no formula to meet the right person either. Please, please stop putting yourself through more self development or self this and self that and just let life unfold. If you don’t feel like going to bars and clubs, then don’t go. If you don’t wish to mingle with your friends, then don’t do it. But, please, whatever you do, do it for your fun times for your enjoyment and not in search of this Mr Right. OK?
For your reading, I have been tossing and toying with questions that best fit your criteria and even then there is no guaranty that the answers that come out will be related to love and romance. This is something beyond the reader. Furthermore, I did not want to choose a spread that might yet tell you what else you should do in this regard. I have chosen a five-card general spread which does not have a name or title.

The question I asked is simple really: What does Inno need to know about her quest in finding love and romance?

1. The illusion that holds you back: The Lovers.
What more can I say? I did not expect to have a minor Arcana card for this position. The Lovers is a Major Arcana card which depicts an Adam and Eve figure standing naked; Eve next to a fruit tree with the serpent around the trunk, representing knowledge for good and evil, and Adam next to a tree with 12 fruits representing the twelve signs of the zodiac. They are both being guarded and looked upon by the archangel which stands for their higher self.
Man represents: Conscious thoughts. Woman: Unconscious thoughts.
This card, as the name says it all, with its conscious and unconscious thoughts and choices you have made, has been holding you back. In other words, the quest for love and romance and the decisions and choices you have made have, in a major way, played a part in holding your progress in this very same arena and, in a way, have also contributed in you meeting the wrong people.

2. Possible Obstacles you should be aware of:  Nine of Wands.
We see here a person showing the very scars of his struggle for a cause, holding on to a wand whilst protecting all the other eight wands behind him. Wands belong to the element of Fire and they represent our passions and desires. There is a strong element of self-defence and self-protection from your struggles and past experiences, so much so that you are not willing to let anyone come near you for fear of losing what you have achieved so far. If you look at this like climbing the stairs to reach to the top and then pause and look back to see if there are any threats following your ascent. You are there, but not quite yet and want to make sure that nothing comes in between you and your ultimate target. The main message of this card is not to be led by the ‘failures’ or past experiences and whilst self preservation is not unwise, but totally closing all possibilities and avenues can halt that progress. I know you have had some unpleasant experiences and met the wrong people in your journey to find love and romance, but that may not mean everyone else will follow the same pattern.
This takes me back to the Lovers card whereby there is a lesson for you to derive from your conscious and unconscious choices you have made in the past.

Things/situations that are leaving your life: Temperance.
This card is depicted by a male/female archangel who is mixing water from one cup into the other thus blending and finding harmony between body and soul, the emotional and the physical, the active and the passive, the good and the bad. I feel you have been a lot of this by your constant self discovery and self development processes and whilst you may know you have already achieved those, you may not be so sure yet. I get the message with this card that you have so far played to the elements and been either submissive to them or compromised to their powers; it is time to let go of that attitude and start being a bit selfish about your own self rather than constantly compromising for your ultimate target in life – which in this case is love and romance.

Things/situations to hold on to: Queen of Wands.
As soon as I picked this card, my thoughts went to you, Inno, the person. Whilst the Queen of Wands is a fire sign, but I cannot help but think about this as no other person but you. If this is not another person in your life – a family member, boss, doctor, or a person with whom you  deal – I feel this is you! The message here is not let go of yourself whilst searching for what you desire. You are the most important person and as this queen is a strong person, charming, successful, competitive, creative and, in her own way, flirtatious, and cheeky, do not let go of these qualities and traits of your own personality for without them you will not be You.

What potentially may be coming towards you in the near future?
Three of Swords. The Star.
The three of swords is represented with a heart and three swords piercing through with clouds and rain in the background. This is the card of anguish, grief and possibly heart ache. It may indicate parting of ways with someone or a situation you are in that is no longer serving your highest good. I am not sure if you are currently seeing someone or are in a situation where you might be considering to build something, but the three of swords message here is that it may probably not work out. On the positive side, the rain and clouds in the background indicate clearing and cleansing of the grief and the start of a new phase in your life. This is depicted by the Star which stands for hope and building upon that hope afresh and from the start.  The Star is represented by a woman one foot in a pond and the other one on earth pouring the water of life from the pond on to the soil thus nurturing new growth.
We have had three major Arcana cards out of a 6-card reading. This indicates that the events and situations around you are beyond the tangible, beyond the day-to-day routine of life. The message is one of the soul, mind and spirit. The minor cards look at our mundane life and they more or less describe events and situations; but with the majors the messages here are what is going on within you rather than outside or around you.

I hope this reading made some sense to you and it resonated with what is going around you.

Let me know what you think and in the meantime, I send you blessings and healing.

hi cedars

thanks for your time and effort with the reading. Parting of ways is with an employee, who has disappointed me greatly as I am trying to launch a business, and conunted on this person to help me get there, however they have consistently performed poorly and dismissively.

And has now totally left me in the lurch, without even having the courtesy or professionalism to let me know of her own accord - i was advised after asking why critical time sensitive tasks had not been executed.

My business is my whole livelihood, I have chosen a boring day job just for the sake of it being convenient for my business launch, and also for a number of reasons is the only thing that is acceptable for me to look to build my self esteem through it's (hopefully eventual) successfulness, so any let down/set back around this is a big , even devastating for me.As with love, friends etc I can't control them  and shouldn't try to. But the opposite is true for my business.

I am really angry and upset and have cried about it (i am rarely reduced to tears), as the business's startup has suffered lots of these sorts of 'out of my control and depsite my best effort' blows. Anyway, i just have to get on with it.

Cedars - I was wondering if I coul trouble you with a question. I have taken the rest of your reading as key advice. You are right in that I am overly dependent on men, and it has driven me down a futile course. I am satisfying myself at the moment, and really enjoying spending time doing fun things in the daytime with new and old friends and acquaintances. However, I have been recently emailing back and forth with some guy. Not sure if it is best to just cease corresponding with him and just focus on my key prorities, my startup business and my social life and enjoying it for me  and cutting men or anything to do out as I just don't seem to know how to engage in that area in an emotionally balanced/healthy way - and just trust that one day, maybe fate might bring that into my life, but I just need to abandon it and conscious efforts at this moment in time to stop wasting my time and effort uncessarily. What do you think? don't worry if you don't have time to commment, or this is too much to ask.

thank you