I felt a connection to your post and since this is my first online reading, any feedback would be helpful to hear, on accuracy or what not,

I feel like either you are holding on to an ideal or a past love and if he was a past love then you might of made him more then he was.
I feel like (from the cards) coming up you will be might be making some poor decisions that will leave you hurt.

Now that the bad news is said, onto the good parts,

YOU can change this, just by trusting time and your heart that there can be more if you can seem to let go of things, side note, I get the feeling from myself and the cards that your poor choice is alcohol related maybe, or something made under diress

I hope this can lead on your path to happiness and a better place,

intertesting thank you forthe readings, alcohol related, might be as behaviors not the substances, I have been in recovery for 7 yrs with 2 1/2 recovery. The old one I leftin another state, so that out of the question. But one of the guys  want to help,I am strongly attracted too. But just on a fantasy level. That Idon't even know if he knows he is out of te closet. So Ithnk it a non issue. But then again I am always attracted to the ones that are not attracted to me. Ok I think I have the answer pineing away for some one and fining one that would love me ! lol, I wil watch my actions. Alas if I could just find him when I am ready!!!!