Hi Cath

Thank you for your kind words. I just got this feeling of asking after you whilst reading the threads...

I can see you are doing the right thing in this situaiton; getting on with your life and not putting your life on hold - that is the way to go my friend. I do not think you need another spread to tell you what to do. Whilst you both feel something for each other, but one of you - in this case you who is the person that I care about - must stand a little bit distant. This other ex once she comes into the equation or if she is currently in the equation and he does not know what to do or which one of you to choose, I feel you must stand back. You cannot be second best. I do mean stand back, no matter how difficult it may seem.  Cut back the rate of communication and social outings with him and if he asks why, just tell him that you cannot be part of his dilemma and suffer in the middle of his decsion-making process.
As for both of you not expressing your feelings to each other, I do not know if that is pride or something else. You did tell me - not in so many words - why  he cannot express his - this other ex could be one of the reasons.
As for you not wanting to get hurt again, I can totally understand that. You can either tell him your feelings and make and stand back for him to make a choice or just withdraw and let him start the questions.

But, please, do not chase him.

I cannot prophesise if your meant to be together - am no prophet - but you have to start looking after yourself now.

HUGS from me to you too.