Dear Cedars:

Here's the thing.  I've had a crush for a guy for many years and we've been flirting in a out for a looooong time. We dated a couple of times but then he went abroad and when he returned I was not in the mood to see him. Now I DO want to see him and we had agreed to meet but he's cancelled or I've cancelled....you get the point (I hope). I'm not interested in a serious thing with him I just wanted a friend with benefits that I know it's not a psycho xD

So, my question is: how does he feel about me/us and what should I do to really concrete a date with him? The second part being the most important if you need to chose a line to answer my question.

He was born in February 14, 1981.

Thanks in advance

Oh, my dear Kaperuzita. Confusion around you as to whether you want to see this guy as ‘date’ or just a friend.

I feel whoever did the cancelling of this last attempt (and am not pointing any fingers here) took the status of ‘power’ to his/her side.  

Immediately when I read your posting, I sensed there was some kind of a power struggle going on between you two. A flirtatious past, then disappearance, and then back into each other’s life but with some hesitation; wanting to go out on a date and one of you cancels the date and now, from what I hear, you want this to turn into a ‘date’ rather than a friendship. Please correct me if I am wrong, as this is how I understand your question.

As I am trying to link in with you on a different level, here we have to concentrate on you and not him (because of site regulations and so on) am I right to say that it was your pride, or something of that nature, that drove him away and now you want him back and you don’t know how to get closer to him?

I get the feeling that this guy is waiting on the sidelines for you to give the go-ahead, to go out with you and be part of your life in some way. But…I also feel that having rejected him once or twice, you don’t know how to make that U-turn yourself. I don’t sense him to be a complicated person, but probably a sensitive one. I feel when he got rejected, he turned his back to you and now there is this gap between you two. I feel you are wondering how you can turn his face towards you rather than see his back. I don’t sense anyone around him; you have both distanced yourselves from each other and there is a wide gap between you two. You have both been in a way guilty in this in playing some kind of a power game here – I can’t find any other word for it I’m afraid.

I feel he likes you; I feel he would like to come closer to you; and I also feel he is daunted by your personality or the strength of your personality. Something is telling me that perhaps you should mellow down a bit and make him see that you can be placid and soft too.  I also sense, as much as he is willing to come out with you, it will take some effort and convincing on your part to make him see that. I feel perhaps you should go down the Friendship route in order to win him back?

The above was independent of the cards. Now we can go to the cards and see what insights they have for you. Rider Waite deck.

I am using a 9-card spread called: Advice on a Situation.

Card 1. How you see the other person?
Eight of Cups.
He’s turned his back to what could probably be a situation that was not going anywhere, even though the cups are standing upright, but there seems to be some kind of imbalance in the way the eight cups are standing upright. He is looking ahead to find new prospects. This is the image he is conveying to you in your eyes. Whatever there was between you two in the past (or even now) lacks probably equilibrium, understanding and a sense of accord. You may not be aware of this, but all you see is this person who is turning his back and moving forward. Does he know where he’s going? Perhaps not.

Card 2. How the other person sees you?
Six of Cups.
Whilst this may be the famous card for nostalgia, innocent love and missing the past and what one had, I would also add that this could as well be a playful state of mind, flirtatious approach and possibly having fun and having a good time. Now, which one would you allow him to take the lead on will be up to you. Playfulness coupled with the nostalgia of the past and wanting to re-embrace it? Or, you would only like the seriousness of the commitment will be for you to ponder on.

Card 3. What you need?
Seven of Pentacles.
Waiting and playing it calm for the results to come to fruition. Have you invested into this? Then it will be for you to sit and wait until it all takes shape and the seeds you have sown to come to life. Am afraid it is never a pleasant state to be in – waiting. But you can only sow the seeds and then leave things to nature to give you the harvest.

Card 4. What the other person needs?
Nine of Wands.
There is a sense of vulnerability with him and he needs to gather his strength and move cautiously. I’m afraid he will be defensive about his situation and whatever he has been through in the past. Even though he may at times think he has it all, he will still be guarding his own self interest and avoid any painful setbacks. This is self-protection in his eyes and sometimes it may come across as too much caution or perhaps even unwillingness to give in. But for some of us, the best way to move forward is using caution and self preservation. There is no right or wrong about it.

Card 5. Where this relationship is now?
Ten of Pentacles. The Moon, as clarification.
The way I see this is that you are both engrossed with your own, personal welfare, well-being and possibly trying to look after your own earthly needs. Whether it is your own material belongings and success or whether this is a dream that you both have as an ultimate destination, the Moon makes me feel that this current state could be an illusion of some sort. Whilst the Ten of Pentacles is the ultimate in material comfort, somehow I sense the relationship is at the present based on the material side rather than the emotional and spiritual one.

Card 6. Where would you like this relationship to go?
The Fool.
And why not? To new beginnings, a new start and putting the past behind and looking for the future. A sense of adventure too, if you ask me, as certain calculations of the past have not really paid back dividends and for once may be to consider to take a chance and see where things go?

Card 7. Where the other person would like the relationship to go?
The Hanged Man.
I will be bold here and say: let things be and see what happens? I also get the feeling that the other person would like to take a new direction without any pressure and have an open mind about the whole situation.

Card 8. Factors to be considered.
Three of Pentacles.
Working together; there may be a situation of asserting one’s abilities on the other, possible power struggle. Cooperation and the ability to confer rather than be single handed in all decisions. This to me very much says cooperation and joining of hands to work at it TOGETHER.

Card 9. Probable outcome/ Advice.
The Hermit.
By no means a definitive outcome, but one of contemplation and self discovery. The Hermit is number 9 of the major Arcana and that is completion, but completion can be in many different ways. If you still feel this is not the way forward for you, or if this is not meant for you, then take time out and do some soul searching rather than push the issue by force. Only then you may arrive to your final conclusion, to the completion, and whether you wish to continue on this route or not.  For now, I reckon, you could go ‘easy’ on the situation and not push too hard, perhaps? I gathered from your posting, that there was this sense of not knowing where to go or what you want out of this. If that still remains to be the case, then the advice of the Hermit is a proper one.

(I am aware we tackled a third party reading, but relationship readings do involve third parties and if I have gone off the site rules and regulations, I apologise).

Kaperuzita,  I hope this has shed some sort of light on your question. At first I was not sure if this would be the right spread for you, as you are not in a relationship as such and yet there is or has been a form of interaction between you and this person.

Best wishes and blessings to you.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to give such a detailed answer . And yes, things have always been confusing between the two of us and we're both very proud but also sensitive. It's a weird combination so yes. I think I'll have to get into his life again and see where we go fromt there :P

Thx again, you're most kind

All the best cara mia.