My partner and I are currently separated and going through a fairly tough time.  Christmas/New Year was a very trying period with lots of professions of love and wanting to be together and then back to not wanting to make it work due to all the baggage from the past.  Through all this I have tried to stay strong and just do the best I can.  On a whole I have done well.  There is another woman involved in the form of his business partner whom he works with, plays golf with and is currently staying until he gets a place of his own.  I do not believe there is a love relationship there, in fact I would say it is a very convenient relationship for him.  Recently she took part in his family reunion at his mother's request (they have established a relationship through him having to have supervised access of the children at his place of residence) and according to the family he spent the three days she was there ignoring her and she left in a bad way. He is treating everybody badly at the moment.  He has said that it is easy living at her place but he is not happy, he realises he will not be happy with anybody else but me.  It seems to me that there is a lot of love there between us but too many people are now involved and his pride is standing against his.  It would appear his heart is very much with me but his head is leading him in another direction.  He is currently shutting me out.  We have two children together aged 2 and 4 yrs.  I have changed incredibly both spiritually and emotionally and he has seen these changes.  He has not received the same amount of growth.  Can we, in time, heal from our past and work together to bring our family back together?  Thank you so much.  I'm an Aquarian so I know this is my year!!  I want real happiness this time around though and have to be sure he is the right one for me!

Dear Harmonious1

I have not forgotten you nor am I ignoring you.
I will post here for you soon.
Just catching my breath here.

Hugs to you and look after yourself in the meantime.

Dear, Dear Harmonious1,

Your story tells me a lot….. and a lot that I can relate to… I sense the growth within you both emotionally and spiritually, but, alas, I see your partner still struggling with a sense of loss and, to a certain degree, immaturity within his persona. I don’t feel he is able to love anyone at this stage in his life. He may have some wishful thinking and aspirations, he may make declarations of love, but when it comes to the crunch, he will shy away from it. Why? It may be some kind of a fear; a fear that he may be inadequate in fulfilling his promise or falling short of his commitment. Hopefully, we’ll see more in the next spread.  

I am using a 12-card spread which looks at relationship issues and problems within and the best insights/advice to solving them.

Deck: Rider Waite Universal.


1. The Problem: the real question.
The Emperor.

When I look at the Emperor, I see a proud man, master of his domain, sitting on a throne of stone and behind him high peaks, almost glowing in fire. He is a good man, but somehow I feel he is only looking at the situation through one angle, or if I can say, ‘sideways’. Although he wants to be the lord and master of his domain, I sense he is ignoring the troubles behind him – the high peaks – which have almost reached to touch his throne. He is refusing to address them, sitting and glowing in his pride and imperial glory.  Whilst it is a powerful major Arcana figure, I cant help seeing this Emperor as a reversed character, lacking courage and procrastinating situations which is he is mighty aware needs addressing.

The next cards look at the nature of the relationship.

2. How you relate to the other person.
Page of Pentacles.
Down to earth, high in spirits and ready to invest for the future. It is the self-assured attitude that if I want something to bring dividends, then I have to believe in it and invest in it. You are, like the Page, offering your only one coin to invest and bring about that which is dear to your heart.


3. How the other person relates to you.
Knight of Pentacles.
This is the big brother of the Page but with a difference. Whilst he may have the same or similar aspiration as the page, he is rather overcautious in his approach. He has got the right ideas and dreams about investing in a future, but by God, he does wonder and wonder about it and stays put too scared to hand over his coin for investment. This is the slowest thinker of all the Knights in the four suits whereby his cautious and calculating attitude may eventually serve against him. The younger page has got no qualms about his dreams and brings home that message that in order to turn the soil green, one has to work hard at it. Our Knight, however, whilst on a horse, is not going anywhere. He has all the right ideas, but lacks the confidence to go ahead with them.

4. What the relationship looks like as a whole.
The Hanged Man.
A lot of self-imposed sacrifice; staying detached and waiting for that enlightenment to strike and bring about the knowledge and realisation of what the sacrifice and detachment is supposed to do. Whilst this card refers to the whole relationship, I feel here that this is more you than anyone else. I feel you are happily taking a step back and watching the world from a distance while you see things under a different light. If I said you put yourself into this frame of mind of your own free will (after the turbulent times you have been through) perhaps it would not be so wrong to say so. It is this state that will also give you the mental, emotional and spiritual maturity which I sense you already have.

5. Your hopes, needs and desires in this relationship.
Seven of Cups.
You see the potential that this relationship can give you in terms of possibilities and opportunities, that I fear sometimes you lose touch with the real world. There is nothing wrong in wishing and desiring that ‘I wish things were this way, or that way’, but wishing is one thing, having it is another. At this moment of time I am being guided to tell you to stay grounded, like the page of pentacles, and leave those wishes and desires on the back burner. I am not saying that you give up on them for without hopes and desire, we may not have anything to look forward to, but please, please stay put and for the sake of one or two wishful thinking, don’t take the wrong step or make a wrong decision.

6. The other person’s hopes, needs and desires in this relationship.
Eight of Cups.
The other person I sense does not want to topple what he has built within this relationship – family unit and so on – but is somehow seeking a new direction; he is in search of something and is ready to hit the road even if that road is not so smooth. With eight cups standing upright, he is going the opposite direction looking into the horizon looking for what…..? There is confusion about him too, as his thoughts are blurred at times and at other times he gains some clarity. I sense he wants things to change in this relationship, but I wonder if he knows what is it that he wants to change. He is looking for that and is looking on his own, almost rejecting help from others and from the eight cups standing behind him - i.e. his family?

7. What is causing conflicts and impediment?
Knight of Cups.
The message of love from this knight can sometimes become too much. If this knight is not representative of another person between you two, who is overly romantic and sometimes loses sight of what is really going on around him, it could be that the feelings broiling between you two should be brought down to earth and looked upon under a different light. It is wonderful to receive flowers every day and declarations of love and devotion, but that does not hold a relationship if they are only gestures and nothing else.  This Knight has those qualities which at times work against him. As I mentioned above, if this knight is not a third party between you two causing such issues, whether known or unknown to either of you, I  am tempted to say to do away with the promises (to your partner) and start delivering them!


8. Your perspective of the problem and how you will deal with it.
Page of Wands.
A similar approach like that of the Page of Pentacles, but this time our page is full of ideas and ready to jump in to bring those ideas into fruition. He is a messenger, he is passionate, he is young at heart and behaves his age, but his intentions are noble and he will do what he says he will. I sense your perspective as to how you will deal with this situation will come to you similar to what the page stands for: to you this situation may need a new approach and one that is your own and no one else’s – that is if you still want to peruse it. In that you will make contact with your passionate side and be independent with your own ideas and act upon them single handed.

9. The other person’s perspective and how they will deal with it.
Queen of Wands.
Have you noticed here that your thoughts and thinking processes run sort of parallel to each other when it comes to the energy factor around you, but not necessarily the style of achieving them? At least the root qualities are similar but not the way to bring them about.
The way your partner may think to deal with this situation is possibly charming his way through problems, like the queen of Wands, who herself is a charmer, she is good at what she does and is quite competitive in her dealings within her field. Now, if your partner, despite his current state of mind, has got such qualities (and I sense he may have them on the other side of his personality coin) he may put them into good use. There is quite a potent energy here and he can do what he sets his mind to it.
(Just as hindsight of a thought, I am wondering if his business partner may act as a catalyst to bring about a change that may trigger his perspective in dealing with this situation. Just a thought, as court cards also mean people in our life or those who may come into our life).

10. What needs to change to overcome challenges?
The Hermit.
I was hoping we would get a major Arcana card here.
A wise man, standing on a mountain top, holding a lantern to guide him through his journey.
Both of you need to learn about yourselves and give each other time to gather that self-knowledge. But that process has to be embraced with an open mind and in smaller steps. The hermit promises wisdom and guidance, but you have to start trusting also in yourself. When in doubt, don’t rush ahead, but rather hold that lantern in such a way that you can see ahead of you. The path ahead may be partly lit, but don’t fear, and don’t be too hasty to take any unnecessary additional steps, for the progress in this phase should be gradual. I hasten to add, these qualities or this phase is not only applicable to you. I wish I could say you should work on this together, or a case of joint counselling, or an open dialogue between the two of you. If counselling is the way ahead, then let the Hermit’s message be that you both need counselling to learn about each other in smaller steps.

11. This is how you can resolve any differences and take it to the next level.
Ten of Cups.
Everyone’s dream card, the Ten of Cups- the ultimate in family bliss and happiness!
Your family is the ultimate bargaining power in order to bring reconciliation and the family back together. I see potential for that to happen, but the journey to get there may look daunting.  Next to this card is the Temperance as a Crucial Insight and additional advice for this situation.
In between the Hermit, the Ten of Cups and the Temperance, which is the archangel Gabriel standing one foot in a stream of water and the other one on a piece of stone, mixing water from one cup onto the other. Behind him the sun is shining and the grass is green with daffodils by the side of the stream. All is possible to attain once you blend the spiritual along with the physical. This is a healing card, it promises balance and equilibrium that is much needed in your life right now.

I will leave you with the thoughts of the last three cards:
The Hermit: wisdom and self discovery.
Ten of Cups: Family bliss.
Temperance: Healing and equilibrium.

I hope the above three will guide you in such a way that you may be able to find peace in your current situation and find that happiness that you deserve so much!

I leave you with my best wishes for a happy year.

Blessings to you all.

Cedars

Wow what can one say.  That reading was superb and very much touched on the truth of the matters at hand.

I will continue to grow spiritually and emotionally and try and take a wee step back, even moreso.  This is difficult for me as I am both impatient and impulsive, bit like my wee page referred to above I imagine.  The cards have shown us well.

Thank you Cedars - I appreciate very much the effort you took in giving me some clarity.....

You are welcome Harmonious1 and thanks for your kind feedback.

Sometimes it is very difficult to take those few steps back - and believe me, I should know - but you will get the strength..... just ask for that strength, and it will come to you.

Oh, there are so many cliché sayings and one which goes as follows: let go in order to get back...... Isnt that such an awful and painful thing to do? The most important thing now is you and your children.

Everytime you think about him, acknowledge the pain, the anger and whatever else is triggered within you and then say... "Okay, Okay, I know all these feelings; I am familiar with them. They will pass."

Please do not live his life for him. Any mistakes he makes, they are his mistakes.

Bless you and keep us informed.

cedars