The above is the name of the spread I decided to use for you, Alee. The deck used is the Rider Waite so that I can post the whole spread for you. It reveals what will happen, chronologically, if you take one decision or another (in this case, staying or leaving, I suppose).
By
pirbid
I must say that none of the options looks too bright at first glance, both ending in Swords, which usually point to problems and chewing worries. Another interesting detail is that you got 3 of the 4 fours in the deck. The fours are concerned with security , solidity, structure, creation in time and space, like your present project? But they also mean restrictions, obstinacy and clinging to what we have created. Other than that, the four suits are represented and quite balanced, so you are looking at your options from all perspectives. Let us look at this more closely.
The initial position tells us how you feel about this situation. The
3 of Wands reversed is extremely descriptive, since it means that a project fails because of unforeseen problems, overestimating our abilities or not accepting help because of our pride. It also means to feel let down after a good beginning. Or maybe to take an interest in things around you after a period of reflexion. Even being perturbed by memories.
The upper three cards are what happens if you stay and keep working where you are:
4 of Cups is the apathy card: to see everything as boring and worthless, not feel inclined to do or investigate anything new, indecision and dissatisfaction. Bored with past experiences, we cannot recognize new opportunities. Or maybe our environment is little stimulating.
4 of Wands, on the other hand, is a very optimistic environment. It means relaxing and celebrating after a period of work. It also means to open up bravely after going through a defensive phase.
2 of Swords is again a very defensive stance, a delicate balance between fear and rage, emotional tension, and keeping everything away from us in order not to get hurt. Remember when we block our emotions and adopt this defensive attitude, we become more prone to explosions and anger. But also remember that from conflict can come balance, we can solve our differences and get back on a peaceful track.
The lower three cards depict what happens if you leave:
4 of Pentacles is the card for self protection: it means to begin a project in the right way, with careful planning. It also means we depend too much on material stability in order to feel safe: we can isolate ourselves, but no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves, we are still exposed to life. Although there are times when it is necessary to focus our mental energy inwards after chaos, when selfishness becomes a temporal necessity.
The Moon can mean to abandon an activity by following our intuition, a sudden flash of lucidity, introspection.There can also be a lot of emotional tension, fears, fantasy and sensitivity. We are in a very impressionable phase and should guard ourselves against false advice and false people.
7 of Swords reversed means looking for help and advice, even to the point of being excessively dependent on the opinions of others, expecting them to tell us what to do. It also means taking an absurd risk, leaving actions incomplete.
Judging from all the above, I am afraid the decision is still yours, as it should always be. You are now feeling let down and are afraid of the project failing (more afraid than you may consciously know, since the Moon is your only Major, so is the card to pay more attention to). But that does not mean that it will necessarily fail, just that it is not looking as promising as you expected.
If you stay, you will at first go through the apathy phase, or maybe you are already in it. But not all will be negative: there will be clear ups and downs (as in most projects and work groups) and you may end up feeling quite at home or at least properly rewarded for your efforts (if you really do make them). You will still be quite distrustful, though, and that may lead to tension with your colleagues, but nothing that cannot be talked through, if only you manage to relax your defensive attitude a little.
If you decide to leave, it will probably be in "self defense", that is to say, if you get to feel that it is too much for you and feel unable to cope anymore. That is fine if it really comes from an inner conviction that you are doing what is right for you, but both the Moon and 7 of swords reversed warn you that, if you do it just following the advice of others, however well intentioned, you might end up regretting it.
I hope this has helped you, not to make your final decision, but rather in taking a closer look at those issues that have you so worried and unsure, specially the pressing need for stability, the tendency towards isolation (2 of Swords and 4 of Pentacles) and the need to seek answers elsewhere.
Best of luck with this and future projects, Alee
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