Hi Guys,

Have been ill and think my doctor said my health is deteriorating, due to this my relationship is also in the f++++ dumps, being worsened by my partner drinking and me not a drop of alchohol. IS THERE ANYONE THAT WOULD GIVE A HONEST READING ON POSSIBLE ROUTES TO FOLLOW!!!!!!!!!

Blessed be

I will give you the queen of sword, which main message is....use your life experience to be true to yourself.

You need to evaluate your situation, and be both bold and mature in your assessment...the only one you will lure is yourself.

It seems you are in a mental chaos for the moment, and I think you are on a crossroad.

It pleased me that you say you don't drink alcohol now, because that would have deteriorating your health even more.

I have had my time with alcohol consume, and throw it away when I got my bypass operation.
I have later evaluated why I drank, and it is a form of escape from reality and give us an impression of having a good time.....this is of course a self-delusion, it does the opposite.

So you need to take a serious talk with your partner, where you put up demands that helps you to get both mental and physic health back.
If he will support you and work with you, then the relationship is something to build on.
If he says he need to go on like this, then he either don't love you so much that he care for you....or he might need help in order to stop.

So I think you yourself know what the queen of sword tells you.....take her to your heart....and start your evaluation, You are Your most important person!

Good luck

Hi Payewacker I thought I might do a Tree of Life for you with the question what Routes should I follow:

I used the Fenestra Deck for this reading

1: This is how you begin - Nine of swords Rx
The time has come now to face up to your fears and release them, when you move more into the light you can see more clearly, there is a good quote I know that says "Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength."  So you can begin by trying to move yourself out of this anxious frame of mind and then things will start to improve for you.

2: The potential - Four of Swords
By taking this step to move away from worry and anxiety you place yourself in a position where you can take a mental rest, a step back and review what is really happening or not happening. The ability to reflect and to gain the mental clarity that is needed is the potential being offered here.

3: what you need to think about - Ten Swords

This decks 10 of swords is different from others in that the body is above the ground and face up, 5 swords penetrate the upper side while 5 are stabbing the lower side.

This card is definitely telling me that there is a line of thought here that needs to be  let go of, you need to acknowledge here that order to go forward you need to give up something that is keeping you immobile.  This card is tying in with both the cards above in that you need to review and release those thought patterns that mentally bind you and keeping you from seeing a different perspective.

4: What will aid you - Page of Swords
You have a good mind, use it to your best ability, cut through all the debris and allow your logic and your analytical skills to come through in order for you to get your thoughts into some order from which you can proceed. Be careful of having all your facts to hand and do not allow yourself to jump to conclusions, your best aid here is to control any impulsive thinking.

5: What needs to be changed - Strength
I guess you need to accept and acknowledge here the duality that exists within you, once you can do that, you will become in control of your life, rather than it controlling you. So I would say that you need to learn to control those conflicting forces that exist within you, and regain the ability to look at yourself with a calmness of mind in order to understand yourself better. Strength offers you the opportunity here to have the courage to face the "Lion" within.

6: Your Strength - Justice
I think you do deep down inside have the ability to look at yourself and your life with an objective honesty and if you can draw upon this it will help you understand who you are and what you stand for and why you are where you are at this moment in time.

7: What your emotions are telling you - Three of Wands
You are at a stage where you seem to be wondering if there is more you could have done to ease your situation, and at times you feel overwhelmed by all that is and has happened. You need to make the necessary changes here as suggested by the above cards and then trust that these will bring the results you desire - but if you do not act then nothing will be achieved.

8: What your thoughts tell you - The Devil RX
That perhaps it is time now to take responsibility for yourself and not be dependent on others. That there is a difference between sharing responsibility and allowing others to take it for you. I think you realise now that the time has come to get your life back into balance and that perhaps the lesson here to is learn to live in this world without being trapped by those things that create an imbalance  - what this card tells you here is you have the choice to take responsibility for yourself and your actions and remember that it is how you direct your energy that makes it positive or negative.

Again all the cards seem to be on the same track and are linked together in their message that there is an imbalance going on here that you and only you can correct.

9:What is hidden - The Sun Rx
I think because of how you are feeling emotionally right now, you cannot seem to see things in an optimistic light.  In seeing this card in this position it may also suggest that because of the way you feel, you are failing to see or recognise the needs of those around you and a sense of insecurity drive you towards putting your needs first.

It points back to the fact that the responsibility lies in your own hands and in recognising this you will become aware of that inner illumination that you are at present lacking and be able to return that feeling of joy back into your life.

10: The outcome (based on the above cards) - The Moon Rx
I think if you can meet the challenges the cards are showing you and put into motion some of the changes that are needed, then the result will be one where you are able to see those things that have caused you to feel fearful and anxious, in a different light. It will enable you here to move out of the shadow and back into the silvery light of the moon, where once again you can feel inspired, and allow yourself to regain that contact with your inner self, create  a calmness of mind to be able to face the challenges that life has to offer you with an  acceptance, that will help bring you the transformation you desire, in your life and your health.

Well I hope this has been of some help to you.  

~ Bella ~

Hi Rhutobello, Bella.

In this, you have been most kind to assist, not only is it that the mental chaos directly refers to my illness, i've been epileptic and the medication and all really has adverse side effects. Some of the other i take is strong enough to kick-out a horse for two days,as example these tablets are for pain as i suffer the most excruciating headaches day and night, wake up with the pillows actually hurting my brain the way it feels. For a person with migraine they give half of one and they sleep for 18 hours, currently i need to take 12 a day. My body feels ill and it's just a upward battle sometimes. At least most of the times i have my wits toghether and are fine, my slogan is : I'm happy, healthy, wealthy and wise!!
Very seldom do I get sejures, but they still happen as in last week again. Previously the period of recovery has always been perhaps a day or two, this time however it's been close to seven days and still i'm falling and have difficulty balancing,,,wicked,,,!! It's times like this that i would under no circumstances do any readings as it is virtually impossible for me to remeber much, or concentrate for more than a very few minutes, fortunately this is very infrequent.

Bella,

mmmmmm, the Swords and I aren't good friends, but then my interpritations are a bit flippant where these cards pop up. But in keeping with your reading, i accept them as you indicate!! the fact remains that due to this illness, i do have a lot of concern for my wellbeing in the long run, i am gay and therefore have no kids or for that matter family as i am the youngest (about 14 years younger than my youngest sister. so where from that? i'm sure that these are problems that holds you back and has a very strong bind on any person, as you say, remove these thoughts and receive freedom?

The stepping away and assesing the situation seems difficult at times, i'm a bit stubborn in most thing as being a Leo (the  boss man) have to keep very active and always running or faffing around. Also we are busy in starting up another restaurant and in that sense are going to be assesing all the other to prove viability, in this we may put some on ice or close one.

You are so right in a lot of your advice, will most definitely follow the advice. I certainly think that all in all, we all make so many mistakes. The Tarot sometimes give even the highest qualified person, the best advice.

Rhutobello, Bella thx

blessed be

Dear Payewacker, I am so sorry to hear of your medical problems, and I hope they will be resolved in the very near future for you.

I am glad the reading was of some use to you.

I sincerely hope you will be feeling better soon, and good luck with your new ventures.

~ Bella ~