Hi Payewacker

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts, in reply to my posting.
From your reply, you would have a very deep insight into the situation that surrounds my life at the moment. From years of being around people, and helping them with their life's up's and downs, I know that it is up to the person, who has the problem, who has to take the first step,

He, doing something about his drinking, anger and lack of communication skills

No.1 being able to admit, that there is a problem in the first place. But unfortuatley, they do not want to acknowledge this.  Many times in my life, I have seen what is obvious, in the problems of my friends, and have been there to help them, but when you are not the one with the problem, it is much clearer, and easier to see the right path.

So I think I know, deep down, that my life will just keep going round and round, as you said in your reply, and yes, we did break up a few times, in the past.
It was interesting your point about becoming more selfish, as this is not part of my makeup, after many years of being a wife and mother, you are not the No.1, spouse and children are allways catered to first.

I think you are right, and I should try and think of what is precious to me, my needs, I am not one to argue, I usually go quiet, when the ranting and raving starts, but lately I have been speaking up more, and this usually quientens him down a little. And I have kept the problem to myself, up untill January this year, when life became unbearable, and I left  (for 2 weeks),  
You are right in asking, is every body wrong,
when I met him, all his lifes problems were due to his mother, I thought she must be such a nasty, horrible person.  Now that I know her, quiet well, she is far from it,  (maybe controlling if anything,) but she would do anything to help him in his life.
Then the hate, and ranting went to his work mates, there was allways somone at work, who was bad, wrong, etc, etc
The ranting would go on for hours, and hours, as the more alchol consumed, the nastier it got.
When i told him to stop, going on about work, the hate went to my son, and myself
When it went to my youngest son,  (17) who still lives at home, he would look around for anything to pick on him, and just go on and on, my son would run out of the house, and hide at times.  This stopped, when finally, he hit back, and punched him in defence of being pushed around and verbally abused (this was when I left in January)
He now boards at school, and only comes home weekends, which breaks my heart, but he dosn't want to be here.

I feel that, he wants to push away, anything that is precious to me.

Lonenloness is not a problem, as I live on a small farm, I love the open space, and all the animals,  (i'm the farmer) and i'm really on my own at the moment, ( all day - and in the evening)  whilst my partner has his own busniess, and goes to a pub or club, every night after work, before he comes home.

Manulaption by isollacolation, is a major key factor,   and control,
I don't mind the lonely life of being on a farm, but it would be nice to have a sober loved one come home in the evening, instead of waiting to see what mood he walks in the door with. Wether your night is going to be good or bad,
When I bring up the subject of booze, that is not the problem, it is everything  and everybody else. I don't mind an occasial shandy, on a hot day, but I cannot remember the last time I had a drink.

Last night was one of those nights, with ranting and raving, starting on about my son, then on to different subjects, till in the end, my head was spinning, and he would ask me a question, and I wouldn't know, what he had asked me. When I try and answer, he shouts me down, and dosnt' stop, he has a bad communication problem, his talking, is not the normal talking.
When you write or talk about these things, it looks so obvivous, what you should do,  but the heart often rules the head,  until one day, enough is enough
Her is a kind person (when sober) and maybe im still looking for that person, as I know it is there, His star sign is cancer (the same as my son) and i'm begining to think we are worlds apart in every way, shape and form. And my whole being is being eaten up by his obessive, controlling, drunken nature. Hence the saddness, and unhappiness, as today im pretty down, after last night.

Thank you once again, for your kind words, they have been very helpful,
lambtail