Hi Lilac,
The only person that can help you is YOU. If you don't like what you are becoming then stop and take a break, take another direction or path. If you have had previous bad experiences then it will take time to trust again, but you will, when the time ir right and with the right person. It will just click and be natural. Maybe try a few casual meetings to open public and riendly places and be nice but keep your distance, get to know him. Use the old 'mobile phone trick' where a friend will ring you throughout the date and make sure you are ok, and if you are uncomfortable use the call as an excuse to leave.
Its good that you have noticed this new guy, that is the first step, but there is still a way to go. perhaps forgiving the past and then putting it aside, not necesarily forgetting it, or we don't learn from any mistakes that were made.
It just takes time, no quick fix, and no reading will help this change, long term its up to you. You WILL find love again xxxx
