
I think I would try to go by your astrological signs, unless you are both the same -are you both Leos?-. Otherwise, just by character -supposing I knew you both a little-, looks, or intuition.
Even with hetero seekers I don't automatically assign kings for men and queens for women. I might do it the other way around according to the way they seem to be acting or thinking. Or I may swap to knights if they are being rash, or even pages if they look indecisive or helpless.
Usually they appear in the spread in a way that is hard to mistake them
