where are you guys getting this?????

I have an imagination that could visualize almost anything in detail.  Maybe this works against me when I try to get an inkling of the past because it has always been an empty result.  However, recently, I've been a lot more aware of the ego part of my mind and mess around trying to separate from it now and then.  I feel a slightly keener awareness of the 'presence' part of my mind and I'm starting to get an idea of...argh...I don't know what to call it!  Like I can grasp, a little, how that part of my mind stretches back...something about constance.  Ah nuts, long story short = I'm working on it, albeit slowly.