Whatever the reason, any reason is better than no reason to want to have a better life.

Remember to keep your motivations internal, and not based on beliefs that may change.

i had a friend who did a past life reading say some interesting things. She's always had difficult relationships with men and and with her menses and one day she accompanied a friend who went in for some hypnosis. She was subsequently drawn in  went for a past life regression therapy and what she learnt was fasinating. She was transported back to some time in Germany to seeing a young girl waiting by the window as if waiting for someone. She was pregnant. There was a loud pounding on the door and three men came in and eventually raped her. She attributes this to her difficult relationships with men and her health problems. Personally, all well and good, past life regression is not something that should not be trivialised. I guess you really have to know that you want to experience whatever the past holds.

As I stumble along this board, I was drawn to your message.

It was a jump off a high building that did me over.  Like your fear of water I am scared to death of heights.    

We share alot in common in this past.  Begin to love yourself like you desearve to be.

I tell my oldest that women are like Christmas Presents, we come in all shapes and sizes, and wear different wrapping.  It's what people see in the inside.  If you are uncomfortable with your appearance, others will see that.  Begin each day in front of the mirror, and tell yourself something nice.  Sounds silly but after a while, you begin to see more good than bad.  You then will radiate this outwardly, and people will be drawn to you.  There are many "lookers" out there that can repulse people, because they have so much negativity inside their hearts.

Sorry that I went off the subject of past lives, I just couldn't bear the fact that you were hurting still.  We are now adults, we cannot change the past, only reach for a better life.  There are times that I still hurt, but it has become less and few.  Understanding your triggers, and how to deal with them really helps. Feel those blues comming on, start writing something possitive that you like about yourself, and any goals that you can reach in the near future.  Start building up your strengths, you are a very articulate, feeling person.  The world needs more people like you.  

 got myself all mixed up and need to edit.

I was absolutely terrified of water until I was six. I didn't learn to swim ever except Doggy paddle. I remember when i went in kiddie pools I wouldn't go in unless my older sister was there and if my face got wet I would cry. I couldn't even stand it if I walked through a sprinkler and had water hit my face. I missed out on a lot of fun because of it.