|I'm about to pour my guts out in hopes that someone will be able to feel the depth of my question. I really don't even know what the question really is.
I have cut so many people out of my life. I currently have no friends and don't associate with family. I cry for others' ignorance. I crave God, spiritual friends, good conscience. I'm about to cut my daughter's father out of my life. As a matter of fact the thought of who he has become is causing me so much pain. I can barely believe it.
Please help me to see what it is in me that makes my daughter's father hate me and just want to run away when all I do is give him love and have accepted and tolerated the pain he has put me through. It's not easy to see him hide his income from me so that he doesn't have to support his child, ignore our child to keep all he has to give to his fiancee, slander me behind my back but act friendly to me when he talks to me. He only started trying to have a relationship with our daughter when his fiancee asked to meet her. He's now pretending to have always been a wonderful father and told everyone that I had been keeping his child away from him. He is now acting as if he fights to see her but I won't allow him to which is just not the case. I don't even want to associate with him anymore because of this. For years I have had to pretend to not know that he has been being tricky just to keep the peace and just so that he doesn't find out that his mother tells me everything.
What is in me that causes me to express love to family and friends only for them to emotionally abuse me and take advantage? I had to end the relationship with my mother last year because of all the abuse. What am I not seeing? Is there something that I did in a past life or something because this has been my experience since I was 7 years old. I need to turn this energy around.
Thank you to anyone who can comprehend my question and give it a go.
Hello again Karess,
This is not going to be easy to explain. Human behaviour is rarely easy to explain or predict in any given situation. I frequently cannot understand my own behaviour, let alone understand anybody else's. Who among us can say with absolute confidence that he or she would not behave in the same way, if the conditions were right?
Members of your own family who have abused you in the past and continue to abuse your good and loving nature resent you for being so forgiving, kind and generous in being willing to give them yet another chance. While it feels deeply personal, they would I feel resent any other person who reacted in the same manner that you do, because it forces them to confront the true nature of their crimes against you.
In a manner they are like terrorists who resent and despise all of the good things which we in our society often take for granted, primarily the right to our personal freedom to decide what is best for us. They want our lives to be filled with fear so that we will give in to their demands to give up carrying on with our lives as we want to live them and not trust anyone ever again.
I am not providing an excuse for them or in any way supporting the pain and death which they cause to good and decent and innocent people, but many of them are victims of other victims who have abused them. The desire for revenge is still strong in the human heart, and these people are out to cause as much or even more fear, pain and grief as was visited upon them by people who in some cases who you may not know.
They are hitting back at humanity in general. Your only "crime" is that you have the bad luck of being the current target of their revenge. You are in the right place at the right time for them to make you feel like a powerless victim. Just like they were made to feel like a powerless victim by others.
Because you are so kind, loving, generous, forgiving and sensitive to other people's feelings, you energetically tend to attract people who do not like themselves very much, but at the same time are looking for somebody to have control over. Persons like ourselves are therefore especially vulnerable to being taken advantage of as victims or being controlled, purely because of our spiritual natures.
Please never allow yourself to be bought down to their level. Hold your head up high. You have so many positive qualities of character in your favour. Forgiving them is for yourself. You are not doing this for the benefit of the people who have hurt you so much, and who really do not care or may not know about you forgiving them. It is an incredible challenge to forgive someone who has inflicted so much pain and suffering upon you.
But that does not in any shape or form excuse their actions against you. What they have done to you cannot ever be excused. Healing is not about forgetting what they have done to you (forgiving is not forgetting), but it is moving forward with your life in spite of what they have done. They have used fear as a weapon against you, so that you will come down to their level and be as fearful and miserable and always wanting revenge like they do, presumably because it gives them a feeling of superiority and control which they themselves have rarely experienced.
So while I cannot directly read your daughter's father's mind and tell you through a third party reading exactly what he is thinking, and why he appears to have it in for you perhaps more than he does for anyone else, this reading does at least provide you with some of the more probable reasons why he has such a special place for you as the primary target of his hate and revenge campaign. While you cannot change him, you can only change the ways in which you respond to him.
I am not saying for one millisecond that you are not already doing a very good and difficult job in deciding how to respond to him and the other family members who are abusing you in so many ways, but there is always room for improvement. This reading was requested because you are looking for new and better ways to deal with these toxic people in your life.
Just the fact that after all of this abuse you are still reaching out for help is of great credit to you, and it is a sign of your great inner strength and belief in yourself which have carried you here, and which will help you to survive and grow even stronger and more determined than ever before to succeed in ridding yourself of these spirit crushing feelings.
You want to do anything you are able to become more assertive or stand up for your rights to live your life and make your own decisions, as long as it does no harm to others. That is a very different approach to that being used by your opposition, who use aggression and brute force to get their way (bullies) and do not want you to stand up for your own rights as that makes you difficult for them to control you.
I also recommend that you should consider using the energy visualization method of DECORDING as another useful tool in your emotional survival toolkit. To be used only in combination with all your existing self healing techniques. Not to replace them. The following web page contains a decording script which you can record in your own voice and play back when you are relaxing and/or meditating.
|As you become more aware of your psychic energy during the Running Energy practice, you may notice 'cords' between yourself and an other person. By definition, a cord is an obsolete or unwanted energy connection with another.
Most ordinary communication is unconscious, happening below awareness between the chakras of those involved. And very often this unconscious communication establishes a cord between the people. Cords can be easily removed, although some ways of doing this are better than others. It's important to pull cords rather than cut them. Like an unresolved imprint, the remaining energy of a cut cord in your feeling essence can too easily attract another cording experience.
Although cording is a result of an unconscious agreement between two beings, it takes only one person to decide they no longer wish to participate in the agreement. Here is a script you can use to easily and safely remove cords, and free yourself from unwanted energy attachments with others:
Consciously decide that you no longer wish to have the life force sucked out of you by continuing to allow this unhealthy energy relationship to exist for another 24 hours. Regularly practise your decording exercise with one family member at a time, combined with any method which gives you greater hope for the future and makes you feel more self confident and self loving and secure. You not only deserve the best in life, but you owe it to yourself to keep trying. Let your spiritual light burn brighter with each passing day. Yes there are many people who will not agree with your ideas and who will do anything they are able to stop you from being yourself, but make this their problem and not your own.
You are not alone in your struggle. You have many friends and allies on Mystic Board who want to share some of their knowledge, practical experience and strength with you. They have their own personal challenges and struggles to contend with. Some may be similar to your own. Some may be very different.
But what they all have in common is the mostly unwavering belief that as spiritual beings we are all part of the one universal mind, or creative energy or intelligence. What we do to others, we do to ourselves. Good or bad. We cannot make lasting spiritual progress as a species if we leave one person behind.
As people who are more spiritually aware of this eternal truth when compared to the general population, we have a responsibility to do whatever we are reasonably and practically able to to help others, as well as helping ourselves to continually grow as both spiritual and ethical human beings. You are doing the best you can in overcoming your fears with what information and insights you have at the moment.
Hopefully this reading has provided you with more of both.
Be true to and believe in yourself, as you are the only person who you will have to live with 24/7 for the rest of your life. Be a good neighbour and good friend to yourself, instead of your own worst enemy. Becoming more like your daughter's father and seeking revenge and retribution would be going in the wrong direction.
But you already know that, and your spiritual nature stops it from happening. This is at the same time your greatest strength, and to your abusers your greatest weakness. Such is the nature of our dual reality that you cannot have one without the other. But there are things which you can always do to maximize your strength, and minimize your vulnerability. That is what you are always looking to do. Move the balance between the two in your favour.
Love, Light and Healing,