Dear Marlena,
You are in the unenviable position of having recently completed one important phase of your life, but are unfortunately not quite ready yet to begin the next one. It is therefore perfectly understandable that you would be feeling both restless and confused about where your life is leading you, now that you have completed college.
It is also hardly surprising that you are of two different minds or at cross purposes with yourself. One one hand you are wanting to put all your hard work at college and your new qualifications into action in finding a new career and/or job which you feel may necessarily involve you moving to sunny California, perhaps because you believe that there will be more opportunities or openings for the type of job you are looking for there, when compared to the state in which you are living now. Your natural restlessness is once again in the ascendancy and you are wanting to prove to everybody including yourself that you have everything which it takes to be able to get ahead in a particularly challenging and fiercely competitive work environment.
On the other hand however there is another part of your person hood which is wanting to settle down where you are, and for you to start your own family. This part of your personality in contrast to the ambitious one to which I have already referred above is looking above all for increased stability and a greater sense of security and belonging where you are living now, which seems completely at odds with the wandering and outward seeking part of you which is wanting to migrate west at the earliest possible opportunity.
Consequently there is considerable conflict going on within you at present concerning which of these two directions which on the surface appear to be incompatible with one another, but may in reality get along with each other quite well. If I were asked to choose which of the two different directions or roads that it is felt you are most likely to take during the next six months covered by this reading, my money would be on California and you getting your chosen career off the starting blocks.
Patience was never I feel one of your strongest virtues (no offence intended), including in this critically important department, and at times when your college work seemed boring and lacking any useful purpose you quite rightly wondered if there would ever be an end to it, and whether you finally having that hard worked for degree, diploma or certificate of educational achievement in your hot little hands would ever translate into you being able to make a reasonably comfortable living from it out in the real world which at times during your college years may have felt to be light years away or at a great distance from your life as a student.
While you were still so focused and preoccupied with your course and campus life at college, there was a strange feeling of being disconnected and to a degree insulated from the outer world (outside of the college), but now that this phase has been completed the insulation has been effectively stripped away, leaving you feeling unprotected and more than a little over-sensitive to any constructive advice or criticism from other important people in your life which you immediately interpret as a form of interference in you living your life as you best see fit to do so, but this is not always true.
Basically you presently feel overloaded with well intended information and often conflicting advice from your closest friends and other family members, and you are wanting to assert your right to make your own decision about whether or not to either move to California while looking towards starting your career, or alternately settling down where you are already in residence, and satisfying one of your greatest ambitions of all which is to become a mother. Of course the two different options may not be necessarily mutually exclusive from one another.
Many women successfully combine their careers with having a family of their own in the same place (where they are living or in California), although from what I am hearing between the lines of your reading you will need to give one a much greater priority over the other at least at this early stage. Later there will be opportunities to either have that family or that career which you missed out on first time around, so please do not feel that by choosing your family over your career or California and your career over your family you are permanently closing off the other option. Whichever of the two will need to relatively take the back seat now can be picked up on later?
So there is really no wrong decision which you can make at this crossroad in your life as a whole. Either way you can and will eventually have both of them (parenthood and career) at the same time, and in the same place/town/city/state. As they say the world is now your oyster, presumably meaning that it is your decision alone what you will do from now on to make and that there are so many exciting new opportunities and challenges waiting for you in both life areas (marriage/family and job/career), that all your anxious deciding will be proven in hindsight to be more than worth you remaining reasonably patient in the present moment, and taking more time to get your bearings before taking further positive action towards family or your career.
| Quote: |
I feel like my work, in the material and body sense, is meant to take me away from California and into another place. |
Your reading feels that this is only partially correct. To be in another place one does not always need to also move to another state. They and you could instead move into a different state of mind (not another state of the same country), where you could potentially have both your family and your career, although one will undoubtedly need to be given a higher priority over the second at different times of your life.
That is assuming that you do not in the meantime hypnotise yourself into thinking that by choosing one option over the other now, that you are automatically and permanently closing yourself off from following both paths (career and family, or family and career) at a later date. Your job will largely satisfy your physical and material needs, while your family has more to do with your emotional and spiritual needs (although they do overlap).
Whichever of the two choices you will make during the next six months, you simply cannot choose the wrong one (both are right for you), as either of them will eventually blend well with the other, at some time in the more distant future.
You can have both your career and your family (eventually). Either where you are living now, or in California or another state.
Your physical, material, emotional and spiritual needs will in the proper fullness of time according to this reading, ALL be satisfied to varying extents in one place.
L&L,
EoT
