Hello,

I hope everyone is well.  I'm struggling right now with a breakup.  The man I was with was amazing...and I rarely say that.  We had an amazing/balanced/loving relationship and I felt incredibly blessed every single day.

The man I was with treated me more kindly than anyone in my life and because of this I fully opened to him and gave a lot of myself to him and our relationship. We have been living together since January and just recently signed a lease together on our new home. The month we signed the lease and moved was very stressful on both our ends and for the first time in our entire relationship we began to bicker over silly things.  These were not real fights, I don't think we have ever fought in that sense... just nitpicking eachother a little.  This had been going on for about three weeks (totally uncharacteristic of us) and I wrote it off as us being stressed and we apologized to eachother and had a conversation one night about how dear we were to eachother, my boyfriend telling me that I was the best thing that has ever happened to him, that I treated him better than anyone in his life ever has, etc.

Two days after this conversation he woke me up in the morning and told me he was unhappy and no longer in love with me.  All of this blindsided me.  It was contrary to our entire relationship and contrary to the things he so genuinely said to me a couple nights previous.  I was stunned.  I begged him to stay and try to work it out, but he would not.  The whole thing was shocking to me and even his friends and family.  No one understood why his actions were so unlike him.

My boyfriend had only been in a couple relationships and none that last over 9 months.  The girls he was with previous to me all treated him poorly and broke up with him.  My first thought was that because he had never been in a serious relationship before that he didn't understand that sometimes things get stressful and over a period of years, especially living together, you fall in and out and in and out of having that "in love" feeling.  I think he was thinking that if the relationship was the "right one" that that feeling would be constant (afterall his past relationship experiences would suggest that he would have never gotten past the point of the googey eyed love of a new relationship)  

It's been two weeks and new developments have occurred.  I recently found out that a few weeks before he left that his ex, whom he had pined for for years, had broken up with her boyfriend and had been calling, emailing, and sending letters to him telling him to leave me, because she wanted him back.  I'm assuming he believed her, I'm sure he got those butterflies back in thinking of her, and because he hasn't experienced long-term love before decided that she was right.  If he has those ooey gooey feelings for her still but is not feeling them for me at the moment that she MUST be the right one for him.  This to me makes the entire thing more difficult.  She has continually mistreated him, and never wants to be with him, yet makes certain she gives him enough to stay around for when she needs him.  This breaks my heart.  I want his happiness, and as long as he doesn't put her away he will not find it.

I guess what I'm hoping is that he will see the error in his ways.  I'm hoping that bc they only dated for such a short period that he will realize the butterflies go away and then you are left with someone who doesn't care for you.  I don't want his lack of experience with relationships and unhealthy longing for a bad ex to keep him from happiness.  My ideal situation would be that I give him his space, his chance to explore those feelings, and that he is able to understand love can come back... especially when it was only absent for a month, and that he will want what we had back.

I am moving forward with my own life, but care very deeply for him and would in the future be open to trying to restablish what he had should he find that is what he wants. We have been inseparable since the day we met.... I have always let bad/unhealthy relationships go, I've never fought for a single one of them in my past.  I want to fight for this.  Will he come around and gather his feelings and make the right choices?

Will he ever understand and come back? And if so, how can I help him find himself and feelings again? I don't want him to hurt...I feel that he is being incredibly self-destructive and longing for an illusion that will always fade and never make him happy.

Your help is greatly appreciated.

Hi Ruby,

While I always appreciate some minimal background information to help me give readings, yours is more a case of too much. There is so much to think about here, that it can easily get in the way of me intuitively exploring what the best answers to them would be. In order to stop any further unnecessary delays by asking you to edit out all of the surplus information to leave only your actual request, I will try my best not to allow the sheer amount of it to influence me in any way on a psychic or intuitive level. This is not going to be easy - I can tell you.

Before we go on with the reading I must first make you aware that the forum rules do not allow us to give you a third party reading. A third party reading is one which is about any other person than the registered MB forum member who requested it - in this case YOU.

If you ask me to directly read what your ex (?) boyfriend is thinking or planning to do, or whether I feel that he will ever understand how much he has hurt you and if he intends to get back with you when it is more convenient for him, then I cannot do this. And even if the forum rules did allow me to read the contents of his thoughts, I would regard it as an uninvited invasion of his personal right to his privacy (which is the main reason that most readers will not do third party).

I can instead read these things indirectly through his relationship with you, but any predictions made or insights gained in this more round about manner tend on average to be less reliable, and can quickly go terribly wrong when one factor changes which could potentially affect the reading's outcome(which it often does). Please keep this possibility of me getting it all wrong uppermost in your mind, when using this reading to make any important decisions about your relationship, or where you want to live. Never use the reading only to make important potentially life changing decisions. It is only to be used in combination with information from other non psychic sources, professional and non professional.



Of course when you say the right choices, you actually mean that you are hoping and praying that he decides to finally leave his ex in both his mind and heart, and commit himself entirely to you as the only woman in his world he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Deciding that he after all wants to return to his ex would therefore presumably be the wrong choice. Also when you wrote will he come around, this suggests that you feel that he is not in his right mind, or that he is so terribly confused that he cannot make a good decision. When his thinking is clearer, then it will be obvious to him which woman is the only one whom deserves to have him - YOU.

What is good or bad is highly subjective or a matter of personal opinion or viewpoint. If he decides to go back to his ex, then that is a good decision to her, but a bad decision to you (and the other way around). Nobody seems to care what is the right or best decision for him. I already know something about what you are like as a person from what you have posted (which is still probably less than 0.0000001% of whom you are), but I know absolutely nothing beyond what you have written about her, about his ex.

And even if I knew most of what there is to know about all three of you, do I have the right to judge, or the ability to say exactly how you should all conduct your relationships in the future? If you told me how to conduct my relationships or what were good decisions for me to make in my life, I would probably tell you precisely where to go, in no uncertain terms. But do you have any more right to judge what is the best decision for your ex than I would?

This probably sounds that I am taking his side against you with me also being another man, or that I am totally insensitive to your womanly feelings and broken heart. I am not doing either of these. But I am attempting to make the important point that both partners should have some say as to what is the best course of action or decision for them, as well as for the couple.

You say that you want to move on and get on with the rest of your life. But if your moving on is conditional on him deciding to leave his ex and stay with you, are you really moving on and to where? While what he has done to your self confidence will take some time to heal, the healing can only begin when you really let him go. If you say you are letting him go with your head, but not also in your heart, then he will never get the opportunity to reach any decision at all. If he does decide to go back to his ex (and I am not saying that your reading is definitely telling me either way), then you will be released and free to pursue someone more appropriate and who is not already emotionally attached to or trapped into accepting another woman (unlike your ex).

I know that this is exactly the opposite of what you most wanted to hear, but if he goes back to her and releases you to find someone else, you must release yourself from the unhealthy love triangle or toxic energy connection which is currently holding you back from taking the real risks which are always involved in any relationship break-up. If on the other hand he comes back to you, if you have not resolved some of the issues which lead to him leaving you the first time within say the first six months, then the relationship is unlikely to survive another six months, according to what I am hearing between the lines.



Most of these questions have already been more than adequately answered above. You seem to want to indefinitely protect him from his own feelings and the consequences of his actions like a mother would. Presumably the job of being his over protective mother is already taken by another older woman than either of you. Do not try to fill her shoes, whether she is dead or still alive.

He does not want a second mother, but a lover.

Or does he want both at the same time, but can't have either?  

Take good care of yourself and do not continue indefinitely to try to protect him with sMOTHER love.

It is always easier for me to say than for you to do it, but move on and don't look back. Let him and his ex take care of each other, if they can put up with each other long enough to do this. How long are you willing to put your love life on hold waiting for them to separate? Six months? Two years? Not another minute more than is healthy for you?

Plenty of food for some deep soul searching and careful thought is included above for your consideration.

This is anything but being an "ideal situation" for any of the three of you, but it is the way that it is for the foreseeable future.

Namaste,

EoT

Hello EOT

I very much appreciate the reading....all of readings  I've read from you are very indepth and I really appreciate how much time/energy you must put in them.  Also, I apologize about the request being a little too detailed and possibly infringing on the third party reading area. I will keep this in mind in the future.

In regards  to your advice I very much agree that fully moving forward would be the best option, however this was so recent and contrary to how our relationship was going (even by his own account) that it is difficult to completely pull away from all hope that this was a momentary decision on his part that he may decide to not pursue.

The reason that I feel so strongly that this isn't the right decision in regards to his long term happiness is because of how poorly he it's treated by his ex. She admits openly that she doesn't love him yet everytime someone breaks up with her she calls him up for a month or two until she is feeling better then she dumps him. It's always been a really awful cycle and I feel for him....mainly because I've been in his position before and can appreciate how difficult it can be to let go of someone like that. It took years of me messing up and hurting myself and others before I realized I needed to let him go.  It honestly brings me a lot of pain to think of him going through all of that mainly because I know their history and I've been through a lot of what he has. I don't necessarily think wanting to keep a loved one from experiencing pain is as much of a mothering thing as it is a human one. I'm more passive and he is more loud/big personality-ed and I've never been one to tell him what to do, or hover, or try to change him.... So I guess while it may show that  I do worry about whatever is going on with him....it's only because I care a great deal for him..... and I care about his happiness regardless of our relationship. If he had left and it was for someone that I knew would treat him well I feel that the level of pain I'm experiencing would at least be lessened.

My feelings is that he is just having a momentary freakout.... His first big commitment, the boredom that can come with time, and outside issues that he feels no control over (loss of job).... All compiled with the fact that his ex was indeed dumped by another boyfriend and calling....may have just added up to a decision that may have been a little rash and not well thought through. So I guess yes, I'm feeling the loss of him compounded with what is more than likely going to be a great deal of pain for him and it makes the situation double hard. I realize he has to make his own decisions, and I'm giving him the space to do so..... I just have a hard time not being upset with them when I feel he is hurting both of us.

Ruby,

You are very welcome, both for the reading and the advice.

It is the fact that him treating you in this seemingly insensitive manner which definitely makes it incredibly more difficult for you to accept that this may not be a temporary one off event.

Your reading draws the line at making an actual prediction with regards to what he might do in the future concerning getting your relationship with him back on track, because such predictions can be so easily overturned by one of many factors both known and unknown which could influence his final decision.

I freely admit that I would be over the moon if the impressions which I kept getting even when your reading was over about his most likely course of action are in time proven to be wrong, but at the same time we both need to recognise that him continuing to be under the spell of his ex (she does not love him, but at the same time she does not want any other woman to have him) is a real possibility, and that therefore if his decision is in her favour in preference to your own, then truly moving on may ultimately be your only option other than perhaps becoming stuck and choosing never to attempt to find love in the arms of another man who is capable of giving you the level of commitment that I sense this man never will.

Any prediction concerning which way or to which of you he will go is unreliable at best, and almost useless at worst. All that you can do at this stage of the process is to be cautiously optimistic that he will as you say eventually come more around to your own way of thinking, as any attempt by yourself to force the issue is only likely to make him decide that for the medium term future he will stay under the influence of his ex, in spite of the fact that she does not really love him, and regardless of just how much he is losing by not having you by his side as the only woman in his life.

Only the passing time will tell if the shadows which I see when giving your reading will eventually become more solid. This will most likely be the outcome if no other factors change in the meantime which never happens. If one or more of the relevant factors changes, then even the most powerful psychic in the world may not be able to see it coming in time to prepare you. Hope springs eternal, but love can often blind us to unpleasant realities which we are judged as not able or willing to accept at that particular moment in time.

Hope can shield us from despair and negativity up to a point, but at some stage hope may quickly turn into blind faith or complete denial. Being practically or realistically optimistic is probably the most balanced mental strategy for you to adopt during the next six months or so towards you possibly getting back together. If this happens it would be entirely his decision alone. Trying to convince him that you are the only woman who really loves him is only likely to make him run in the opposite direction, away from you and back into his ex's web of influence.

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT