my love life is going pretty bad  we are always fighting what will happen is he the one for me

Hi and welcome

You know I don't see him as being the one for you. How does that make you feel?

Think hard and you may find the answer you are looking for. Did you expect that answer? Do you believe it or will you now fight to make it untrue?

You have a lot of depth of power within you that you rarely use but feel sometimes, perhaps when you are just beginning to get angry then something inside stops you and you wait and all anger disappears.  You are also feeling very tense and stressed about this so it's time to lighten up and relax a bit more. Fighting is not good, look for the underlying reason, are you unhappy or is he? Then you will find the answer you need, especially because at 21 there is a world of choice and love out there and it takes two to make a successful relationship.

Good Luck

Cassie

Hello Violet,

I would predict that being told that you were not meant for each other might cause you to feel pretty miserable, and to perhaps want to give up on your relationship long before there is a need for you to have to quickly end it.

Or it may make you try even harder to fix things between you by reverse psychology, which is what I believe Cassie was intending to do by her what seems to be at first appearances a silly and highly insensitive question to be asking of any person in your unhappy situation.

I am 100% certain that this was Cassie's only reason for asking you this.

No reader on this forum would ever intentionally do something to cause you more emotional pain and distress than you are already experiencing.

Cassie's insights may eventually prove to be correct in advising you that he is not the best possible man for you, but I would far prefer to see you both make more effort to work through your many issues in a mature and balanced manner, and give things and each other another decent chance BEFORE you decide to permanently pull the plug.

There is a very damaging highly romanticized belief being spread around on the internet and through the popular media, frequently by people who stand to make a handsome profit from the unhappiness of others, that if two people have disagreements or conflicts with each other then they automatically were never meant for each other in the first place.

When the unpopular truth of the matter is that disagreements and conflicts of opinion are par for the course in any close human relationship where one person does not completely dominate and control the other, and soul mates often repeatedly come together during consecutive life times precisely in order to work towards resolving their outstanding problems with each other from past shared lives.

Forming and maintaining close relationships with our love partners can be hard work most of the time, and I feel that too many otherwise workable relationships break up prematurely, before there is enough effort being made by both of the people concerned to more effectively communicate their true thoughts and feelings to each other in a civilized manner, with an open and mutual willingness by both parties to compromise when necessary in order to keep the peace.

The above having been said I freely admit that I do not know how long these fights between you have already been going on, and if it has been more than six months or he is abusing you or you are the only person who is doing all the work or compromising, then there is absolutely no way that I am suggesting for one second that you should continue definitely to put up with such shabby treatment from the very person who claims to love and care for you most in this world.

If things have already got to this advanced and probably unrecoverable stage, and there seems to be a total stalemate where anything more you attempt to do with the genuine intention to fix things is only likely to significantly increase the chances of you physically or psychologically harming each other to be able to get your revenge upon them, then it is  time for you to separate and only then would I feel that nothing more could be done to save your relationship.

It is not a matter of finding out whether Cassie or myself ultimately turns out to be right about what we are each advising you to do. In the end it is your happiness, health and safety which must always take the highest priority above all other influencing factors, and it must always remain your decision as to determining whether your relationship has already reached the point of no return.

My advice to you not from a reading would be to give it another fair trial before deciding that you were never meant to be together, then separate.

Love, Light and Healing to you both and I really do hope that you will find a way to stay together as a loving couple, unless doing so could cause either of you further physical or emotional damage or abuse.

Once that happens, your next best course of action should be crystal clear and final.

EoT

I have sent Pretty violet a pm.

EOT I am not sure why you felt the need to step in here and impolitely infer and make guesses about what I said, and about what prettyviolet may think. I do not need your defence and I am sure neither does prettyviolet, and do not find it very altruistic, instead I think it is very off putting and rather frightening for any new member to see such a strong and unecessary advocacy.

I would never think of involving myself in another reader's dialogue with a seeker as I find it very bad manners, but obviously I need not worry as you seem to think it is ok.

Cassie,

I must sincerely apologise that I had not realised up until now that you were feeling so insecure in your position as a reader on this forum, that you would view my caring attempt to clear up any possible misunderstanding by the member when you asked her how she might feel if you told her that he is not the man for her as interfering in your private conversation with your client, impolitely inferring anything or defending you. Why would you feel that you would ever need to be defended, or that I am defending or patronising you? I definitely had issues with the way in which this part of your reading was worded (but the same thing happens in my own readings at times), and not with you personally or the rest of your reading.

When the exact meaning of something is not already made as clear as possible, guessing what it could possibly mean happens both for other readers and for the members themselves. The best solution is always to clear up these potential sources of misunderstanding ASAP. Which was my main reason for responding at all.

Actually it is perfectly proper and encouraged for another reader to add his or her own comments (but not another reading) to help support their reading team member in any way that they possibly can, and clear up possible misunderstandings that they can see developing. I have invited you to do the same after any of my readings where you see possible sources of misunderstanding. I freely admit that I have made mistakes in the past in my readings, and undoubtedly will continue to do so. It gives me a greater sense of comfort and security to know that you would do this is you saw one of my mistakes. It does not make me feel even more insecure than I already was feeling to know another caring reader is watching out for me.

Only when their comments either go against or make the other reader feel that their efforts were not appreciated or confuse things even further are such comments discouraged by the site admin. I am pleased to hear that you have since sent Violet a PM to explain things in more detail, but would prefer to hear it directly out in the open on this forum directly from Violet whether or not she found my actions done with the best of intentions to stop her worrying unnecessarily or being unintentionally offended by what your words only appear to imply frightened her, or made her think that your reading was not worth taking any notice of.

The internet is an highly imperfect medium for communicating complex thoughts and feelings (but it is the best which we can do at the moment) as we do with those friends whom we are trying our best to help, and potential misunderstandings are unfortunately quite common in both directions (reader to client, client to reader, and now I must add reader to reader) as a result. Any genuine attempt to reduce any possible misunderstandings by the member in question, but not at the same time taking anything away from the other reader should surely be a positive thing for all parties concerned, especially when the issues which we are reading about are so highly emotionally charged.



I agree with this completely about this and fully support any measure which you could suggest to Violet which could make make her feel less tense and stressed out about both your reading as it presently stands, as well as her own situation with her love life which is going pretty bad, and all the fighting with her current boyfriend. I see my attempt to clear up any possible misunderstandings as both supporting another team member, as well as being in the same direction as yours - that is to make Violet less stressed out and more relaxed and more hopeful about her future love life, either with this particular man or alternately with someone else.



I was the person who gave you a good character reference and recommended you in writing for becoming fully recognised as an approved reader on this forum. An offer which you yourself turned down for your own reasons which I did not understand, but accepted and respected regardless.

Do you then think for one moment knowing this (if you did not know about it already) that I would then totally out of character do even halve of the things which you are unfairly accusing me of without the information to back up your wild, unsubstantiated claims?

I thought until I saw this that you understood me far better than that, and am most disappointed and confused by any implication that you believe that I would do these disrespectful things as you are suggesting in this posting to someone whom I like and have deep respect for, and whom I gave a huge vote of confidence in to the site owner and board moderator at the time.

This has severely shaken my confidence that you view me as an equal team member on this forum, and is making me carefully re-examine my original position in supporting your approved readership when I went against the tide of other people's negative opinions that you were not capable of handling this, and effectively put my reputation on the line for you. I would out of my respect and I thought friendship with you much rather have discussed these matters either through a private message or on the reader's forum, but your very public comments against me and your exclusion from the reader's forum have forced my hand.

I really hope that we can both eventually put this incident behind us and work together in greater harmony as equal team members to serve the members best interests at all times, but the ball is now squarely on your side of the court as to whether you feel up to doing or are willing to do this in the future as a reader on this forum.

Namaste,

EoT