Hi

my boyfriend broke up with me after 5 months. He stated that he didn't feel emotional connection with me and didn't feel "IT". He also said he likes me inmmensely and thinks I am great all round. I am going through a why phase because I love him and I simply don't understand what happened. What did i do, was it something I did? I don't open up emotionally easily as it takes me a while to really let myself go. HELP!!

It took your now ex boyfriend five months to decide that he did not feel any emotional connection or sexual chemistry with you? He likes you immensely and thinks you are great all around, but unfeelingly dumps you leaving you feeling that you were in some unknown to you way inadequate to be able to satisfy his needs? He left you completely in the dark about what happened and thinking incorrectly I might add that you did something wrong or that there is something wrong with you?

With my due respect to your feelings as a woman (which unfortunately your ex does not appear to care anything about), with a friend like this why would you need an enemy?

He is toxic or poisonous to your self confidence and self respect, and is using your shyness and your desire for him to make a long term commitment to the relationship, as a convenient excuse for accusing you of not being all he wanted you to be, and not doing all that he wanted you to do. He wants a woman he can dominate or have complete control over. You are not one of them.

I am unfortunately unable to read your ex bf directly through a third party reading, as this is not allowed under the forum rules, but my feelings indirectly through your reading are that he stayed with you for five months, hoping to change you into being someone whom you are not. When you did not fit in with his plans for not settling down with only one woman, he found what turned out to be the usual double standard exit clause.

In other words since he could not change your attitudes towards him continuing to act as a man with no responsibilities to anyone (least of all yourself) while he is enjoying all the positive benefits of having you as a bed partner, he wanted out so that he could find another conquest who was more co-operative than you clearly were not.

That is of course only if another woman would put up with the same totally insensitive treatment which you received from him for as long as you did.

Did he by chance happen to make you feel that you do not deserve any better treatment than this, or that at 36 years of age beggars cannot be choosers?

Both of these are total nonsense, and are used as a common strategy by men whose fragile and deeply wounded male egos are rapidly disintegrating, in order to make women believe that they alone are guilty or are completely responsible for the relationship having failed.

Although I recognize that you still believe that you love him, the problems are 99.9% his. I feel that your only role or failing in creating this "testosterone monster", is that you gave him a whole five months when he was the one who did not deserve to be loved by you. You were with the wrong person for too long at a time, for your self confidence and sanity. You are guilty of nothing other than perhaps being too kind or tolerant for your own good, and not putting your foot down earlier than five months, when he first started to show his true colours.

His attitudes towards women and relationship may be the products of his own or his parent's upbringing, but that is no valid excuse for the lack of sensitivity and respect which he has shown you.

It must hurt you terribly not to ever be together again as a couple (has he contacted you since then with the offer to be your friend only), but my impressions are that given the stark choice between having to endure such shabby treatment as he has just dealt out to you from another man, and on the other hand remaining single and not emotionally attached to any particular man for the next six months, I would advise you to quit while you are still ahead and stay with the later option.

Put all your energies instead into your own self healing and restoring your own identity without always necessarily having a man in your life, in preparation to find someone else next year who is both mature enough and also able and willing to give you the deep and lasting type of love which you so richly deserve.

He does not realize all that he has lost by not loving and respecting you. You deserve much better from life and love than having to put up with men like him. IMO

Loving regards,

EoT

Hello EOT,

Thank you again for your response, I appreciate it. It was a very strange and gradual withdrawal in the last three weeks. I am very perceptive about people to the point that I can't be around neg people without experiencing discomfort in my own body. With him I never felt anything but total sincerity, he made me feel wanted, appreciated all that I am and yet towards the end dumped me..yuck an ugly word which is what caused the massive confusion.  I still don't know the answers and I am gradually loosing that awful need to know  why. He's going through some phase requiring self analysis to figure himself out. He went on to explain that it wasn't anything I did, it's him that there's something wrong with and he just doesn't know what. So he ended the rel. without any blame on me. Yes, I miss him terribly and have been in hell the last couple of weeks but I am getting better and able to think and function without melting into tears. So, there's light at the end of this tunnel:) He taught me a lot and never once let me think bad about myself..so he was all that was positive, caring, loving, sincere and honest. No, I have no hope that he will come back but plenty of gratitude that he shared the 5months of his life with me, the best 5 months of my life.

I can imagine it hurts.. but I bet you will be thankful for this in the future.. you'll meet someone that will return the feelings that you have for them.  Remember everything happens for a reason.

You are very welcome for the reading.

You wrote in your response......



Without wanting to sound too patronising, this is without any doubt one of the most mature, positive and level headed responsible attitudes towards adversity, which I have ever encountered during the several years I have given readings over the internet.

A lesser person than yourself could have equally responded to this by becoming bitter towards all men, and increasingly down upon themselves.

This way of thinking is a credit to you, and it is a every encouraging sign for your future close relationships and your ability to get around any further challenges or obstacles which are placed in your path in the future.

From an admirer,

EoT