hello EOT !

long time no write ! hahhaha  

as always i wish to request of you one of our readings, as of recently i been through some unavoidable circumstances, my parents had had fights, i been feeling not as i mostly do, and as of 10 minutes ago, after a long talk with a friend, i realized that i dont love myself, i feel insecure and that i have an inferiority complex .. or something like that

if you could give me a reading concerning my worries i would be more than happy.. to read it !

hope your having a good day !  

Hello Alicia,

I have just returned from my regular weekly day off on Thursday, and plan to give you your reading within the next 24 plus hours.



However while you are waiting for your reading to be given, I thought that the observations made by a highly respected reader in another forum in June of this year (link provided above) were very intuitive with regards to what is clearly a difficult time for your parent's marriage, making you lose your own feelings of self confidence because their fights naturally make you feel insecure about whether they might separate and you would possibly then be looking for another place to live.

I just wanted you to remind you ahead of your actual reading that any direct readings about your parents or their marriage would be seen as being a third party one under the forum rules.

Quote:

12. Please do not ask for readings for others or third party readings as this is strictly against Mystic Board’s policies. Instead ask the person to join Mystic Board themselves, once they have contributed to the community by posting and introducing themselves they are much more likely to receive a successful reading in return.

This does not stop me from reading them indirectly through their daughter, but indirect readings are rarely as accurate or reliable when compared with the third party route which remains permanently blocked to me and to all other readers on this site.

And an effective and useful reading about your security/insecurity or fears and doubts about how things might turn out between your mother and father would depend heavily upon what I unfortunately cannot determine because of this third party rule which is widespread over most of the internet.

As long as you recognize the severe limitations of me giving you such an indirect reading as this one would undoubtedly be, I am willing if you are to comply with your request but focus entirely on boosting your sense of self confidence, relatively independent of and disconnected from the current state of your parent's relationship (easier said than done).

Your reading is next on my to do list,

EoT

Oh yes i totally forgot , but what i meant that those things had happened recently ..  but the reading i want to request is a separate matter, i wanted to ask about me and not my feelings because of those fights .. i'm kinda over with that . and the low self confidence has been hurting me from years before all this happened its only that now i noticed it . i opened my eyes.. and saw that i had been putting a facade that i was hiding my real me .


im sorry for forgetting about the third party, but i only mentioned it, not in a bad way. my sincere apologies .

alicia

Dear Alicia,

No your request was clearly not to be seen in any way as being a third party one, so there is no need need for you to apologise for something which you never did.

I simply wanted to make you aware that normally a reading about emotional responses to the conflicts in your parent's marriage would be heavily based upon your reader using the third party method.

However in your case I feel that we can manage to answer your actual question (concerning you wanting to love yourself more, and feel more secure and confident) without at the same time having to automatically resort to what effectively amounts to without invitation or good reason invading the personal privacy of your parents thoughts.

Please therefore do not give my mention another thought. Unintended misunderstandings are my responsibility alone to make clearer to you.



This reading is less about what you are worrying about, and is much more concerned with determining why you are so worried about things which are to a large extent beyond your control.

I must warn you that some of the following reading is likely to get heavy and serious in parts, and sound as if it is trying to put the psychologists out of business.

It is not a substitute for you consulting a professional psychologist, but it is instead more a non psychologist every day person's view of these matters!

In general human beings (myself included) lack the required wisdom to recognise the critical difference between those things which they can change, those things they can change with continued effort and those things in their life which they will never change, no matter how much and how hard they try to.

And we are often so focused or obsessed with changing things or people around us, that we have little or no time or energy left over to change ourselves and the way in which we respond to our inability to have complete control over everything.

Yet positive change outside of us must so frequently be preceded by positive changes happening within us.

But first we need to believe that once these changes have been brought about, that things in our lives will be significantly better when compared to what they were before.

But even before this we must first feel that we deserve or are worthy of having our lives improved.

This is where developing greater self love for oneself is so vital to us making any further forward progress in developing increased self confidence.



So why then is it often so difficult for us to learn to truly love and appreciate ourselves for whom we already are, shared human weaknesses and all?

Mainly it is felt through your reading because we have been taught by our society and culture and our system of education that to love oneself is the same as us being vain and self centred.

What then is the true definition of self love? It is definitely not the same thing as vanity, and being filled with false self pride. To love yourself does not mean standing for hours every day looking at your reflection in the mirror, and admiring how good looking and without any imperfections we think that we are. You do not by most people's standards have an inferiority complex.

Only by your own standards do you perceive yourself as being less of a person than they are. In reality it is more that you lack the superiority complex of most of your fellow human beings. You like most people tend to focus too much and for too long each 24 hour period on your human weaknesses and what appear to be your failings, but you at the same seem to completely deny or conveniently ignore all the many any wonderful and positive things there are about you as you already are. It is a type of highly selective blindness which we are each having to deal with using our own methods so that we can slowly but surely learn to value and respect who we really are deep inside where it counts. Self love equals increasingly valuing and  respecting oneself.

Now of course all of the above argument sounds to be highly logical and make some sense to the intellectual part of our minds, but sadly the emotional part is often too busy and distracted helping us to survive on a day to day basis, to care about what sounds to be logical and reasonable.

So now finally coming back full circle to your original question, after having taken such a long detour to return to this same point, how can you more fully come to terms with a world where so little of what happens in your daily life is completely under your control?

The unpalatable fact of life is that even the most healthy of marriages involves some level of conflict, and the need for each of the partners to be willing to more effectively communicate their true feelings, and to compromise or meet each other at least half way in sorting out their difficulties. It is proper that you should be caring about what happens to your parent's marriage.

So much of your own security and current sense of self identity depends upon it continuing. While you should do what you reasonably can not to make the situation even worse than it already is, worrying yourself sick or putting yourself into a hospital bed or early grave is clearly not going to give the positive result which you want.

To care about something does not automatically or necessarily mean that you should spend your valuable time and energies worrying about it to the point that you are no longer able to function effectively in your own life.

Based upon this admittedly lengthy reading, I am getting the feeling that during the next six months or so many of the problems in your parent's marriage will tend to resolve themselves. Worrying about them or making yourself feel that you are somehow responsible for their difficulties would be like throwing gasoline or petrol on a raging, fire with the intention to extinguish or put out the flames.

Spend your time and energies more wisely instead in strengthening your sense of self love and self confidence and self respect, with the purpose to better prepare you for the day which may or may not be in the immediate future, where you will move away from your parents to hopefully start your own family with a man who loves and respects you as much as or even more than you presently value and respect (love) yourself.

Loving regards, from first your friend and a close second your reader,

EoT

hi EOT, i hadnt had the chance to answer you, i went to take some vacations to the beach it was wonderful ...

it helped me disconnect myself from reality for 3-4 days .. and it felt very good .. but not now since i look all red .. hahaha because of the burns of the sun ..

i really want to thank you for your words, they were all true ...

i hope like you say everything gets better in the near future and that i learn to love those good qualities of mine ..



from the red Aliicia !   THANK YOU !