Thank you to all who viewed my post.  Wishing each of you many blessings.

AutumnRose

I told you before that I would get back to you with a reading as soon as possible.

What follows is the result of my labour of love...................

Looking back again at your previous reading to this one, any encore performance is going to have to be an exceptional one indeed, in order for me to come up to or go above the high standards which I have set for myself there. Talk about me unintentionally putting excess pressure upon oneself to out perform all my earlier efforts on your behalf. For this reason alone I have decided on this occasion to temporarily discard my Tarot cards and to instead open myself up intuitively to whatever comes through me on your behalf, when I am slightly relaxed and dissociated from my every day surroundings (or partly out of it). You could not get any more of a general reading than that, if you had tried to.

What appears to be coming through is a series of feelings instead of the usual stream of loud thoughts or words which I usually get during my readings. It is as though I am temporarily tuning into your own feelings and beliefs about how well developed or otherwise you are as a spiritual and a human being.

And trying to put this as politely as possible so as not to unintentionally offend you, you appear to be particularly harsh and negatively critical of how well you feel that you have performed so far. And I thought for a while that I was the only person here who set themselves unrealistically high standards, then punished himself when he inevitably fell far short of always reaching them. In comparison to yourself I am starting to look extremely fair and lenient in my self assessment of how far I have come towards reaching my major life goals in what is nearly 59 years.

On one hand setting these high standards for yourself comes natural to you, and it goes a long way in the direction of making you an exceptional individual who leaves most of the rest of us eating your dust when I realise what great things you are potentially capable of achieving if you can only put both your heart and mind fully into doing it. Your high standards of thought and behaviour and your constant attempts to please everyone else always are however both at the same time your greatest asset and liability or character weakness. It could if used properly and wisely make you stand out from the rest of the crowd in what you are capable of, but in most situations it leaves you feeling empty and generally dissatisfied with yourself.

The same high standards which you have set for yourself mainly work against you, instead of what they should be doing: making you stronger within yourself, frequently when you need your self confidence the most. The reading is not saying that you should lower your standards to the point hat you should not try to improve your performance and level of satisfaction, but surely enough is more than enough. If you keep putting yourself under the type of major pressure you are to always give 110% of yourself 100% of the time you are unknowingly setting yourself up for a life of continual disappointment and feeling that nothing you can do is going to be good enough. You are also I sense setting yourself up for some big stress related health issues which could further damage your chances of reaching at least some of your goals.

Your date of birth as shown in your forum profile (if it is correct) would give you a Life Path Number using basic numerology of THIRTY FOUR reduced to the single digit of SEVEN.

Seven is regarded as one of the most spiritual numbers, and therefore many of your life goals would be expected to be in this area, instead of in accumulating power or more money than you need to live a reasonably comfortable life. Having some money and material wealth is a necessary requirement of living in a physical world and body as we all do, but it is not in your nature or best interests to pursue these things at the expense of your relationships with others or in a way which destroys your health and peace of mind. It is critical to your feelings of self respect that your spirituality and your humanity get at least equal billing with your ongoing push to accumulate the things of this world and be constantly distracted by them.

If you were to judge your progress or lack thereof exclusively by how wealth and successful you are in a physical sense, you are probably overlooking at least 50% of your life purpose, or main reason for living on Earth this time around. Probably much more than  50%, but I am sure you have already got my message. Your greatest treasures lie in things which are eternal and which cannot be destroyed, lost or stolen by anything or anyone who is of this world. Other than perhaps by yourself and through setting ridiculously high personal and moral standards that even an angel or saint would have a difficult enough time trying to meet on a daily basis.

In summary you are being asked to cool it. Give yourself a fair go for a change and the benefit of the doubt, and stop being your own self appointed judge, jury and executioner. You are innocent until proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be guilty of what you think that you are but are most likely not, and not the other way around which is the position from where you seem to operate in continuing to punish yourself in the hope that doing this will somehow make you a better person in the long run. It is only likely to give the complete opposite result from the one you are looking for in this current lifetime.

You are not going to be judged when you leave this planet by how much money you made, or what job you did. Eternity will judge us using a much more spiritual measure. Largely, our successes in life will be judged or measured by how we treated other people and ourselves. How much did we share the love which we have in our hearts with other important people close to us? How well did we live our spiritual beliefs and values? That is the only treasure worth accumulating in overly large amounts, and the beauty of it is that we get to take it all with us when our physical body has served its purpose, and we finally stand on the doorstep to heaven.

What do you think about my encore performance? You are clearly far from being the only person here who needs to cool it. It takes one to know one?

EoT

Dear Eye of Tiger,

(((Hugs)))  Thank you for your labor of love.  I had removed my initial post due to putting so much out there.  I was really feeling down and out when I wrote my request and just kept writing and writing.  I know that most readers do not want a lot of information so they can perform their readings.  It's been a stressful year to say the least for me.

I can totally relate to the excess pressure a person can put upon oneself to out perform all of their efforts.

No you have not offended me at all.  In fact, you have gotten "me" correct as I am my own worst critic.

Growing up, my mom had told me several times that I wasn't wanted.  In order to prove to her that I was worth being here, I strived perfection in anything that I did to gain her love and appreciation.  A little came through while she was here on earth, but more now that she has passed (10 years ago).

You are so right that my high standards of thought and behaviour, etc. are my greatest asset and liability or character weakness. It's funny in some ways when I do a good job at work, I only want a thank you and not be put into the spot light.  To me it's just doing my job and being a team player.

Thank you for the writing on always giving 110% of myself (and lots of times more lol).  Stress has played a large part of this past year and I know that I need to relax more.  I have been giving thought to refocusing on my goals and setting new ones, new dreams to go for.  Peace, calmness, love, happiness, and relaxation.

Yes my date of birth is correct.  Seven has always been one of my favorite numbers

Regarding the money, you are correct...I want to be able to provide for myself, my sons, grandchildren, yet not be worried over finances all of the time.

I have been asking for my path to be cleared so I can be with my "one" in this life and have love, peace, calmness, security, protection, financial means to live comfortably and not have to worry from paycheck to check, doesn't have to be exhorbitant, yet that I can help those when feel drawn to do so.

The person I am married too (in July will be 30 years), told me that I was only a paycheck and I needed to bring in more money.  I told him that I was a person who brings in enough financial means and was more than a paycheck.  It just threw me back to my childhood and the feelings of not being anything to anyone.  So when this happened I tend to "nest shop" where I purchase items for my new place.  I have put a stop to doing this as it won't help me get out of here, only saving money will and the grace of God and the angels.

Thank you for the message on my progress.  Brings tears to my eyes as it does make me stop and think.  You are so right about my greatest treasures lie in things which are eternal and which cannot be destroyed, lost or stolen by anything or anyone who is of this world.

Your encoure performance was wonderful and far surpassed anything I could have thought of receiving.  I will take to heart what you have written and will make changes that are necessary.

Please make sure you cool it here too.  My youngest son asked me why I was losing so much hair and I told him it was stress.  He said come on mom, gotta relax.  I told him I would try.  He knows how unhappy I am in this marriage, yet he loves his dad.  Thankfully his dad treated him better than he did our older son.  My heart is heavy that my sons don't talk right now and that they are so stubborn about making peace.  Yes, I know this is their path that they have to do and work on.  But as a parent it huts.

I have dreamed of being with someone that treats me well, like a princess.  Not that we have an over abundance of financial means, but a princess with respect, dignity, love, protection, friendship, puts me first as I put him first, etc.  Sorry I'm rambling on.

Thank you again as I value you guidance and readings.

May you have a blessed day/evening and may God always be with you and guide you.

Blessings,
AutumnRose

Dear Rose,

If the above is to be regarded as "you just rambling on", then please go ahead and ramble all you like with my full blessings.

To first be told by your own mother that you are not wanted and then by your partner of nearly 30 years that you are nothing more than a paycheck or source of income to him is something too horrible to contemplate when coming from the very people who should be most helping and supporting you.

These two examples of major psychological abuse could have potentially destroyed a lesser person than yourself, but you have survived and managed to remain quite positive throughout your ordeal.

Not only have you coped with what no person deserves to but you have at the same time with great emotional cost to yourself discovered a way of making the best of what is clearly a far less than ideal situation.

Your partner definitely knows exactly how to push all of your most sensitive emotional guilt buttons in order to get what he wants, which does sound very much like what often occurs when a person is one's soul mate.

Your situation graphically demonstrates that soul mates are rarely anything close to being 100% compatible with one another, do disagree and fight with one another, and are not destined to live happily ever after.

They have outstanding issues which need to be resolved during their current lifetime, but the way that this often happens on the surface at least seems to the outside observer to be terribly harsh and even cruel, to say the least.

You will always have my full support and empathy (never sympathy or pity, as these always seem to be put downs to me) as you continue to rise above your past hurts as well as dealing with what life is presenting you with both your usual courage and dignity, which puts many other people's more trivial moans and groans to shame.

Many blessings from one of your most loyal, admiring and respecting fans,

EoT