Hello again Ray,
What follows is your reading as requested, and as I promised.
Just as with karma guilt has an educative, character building and highly practical function.
The purpose of this emotion is to make us recognise the error of our ways, and to subsequently encourage us to take whatever steps are still possible to either reverse what damage we may have already caused to others by our ignorance and insensitivity, or if this is not possible to at the very least to ensure that it never happens again.
You have obviously recognised that your attitudes towards and your mistreatment of women when you were much younger than you are now both left much to be desired, and you seem to be saying that you have been doing everything within your power to right these wrongs and to let members of the fairer sex know that this former cavalier I am God's gift to women attitude you once had in your youth is entirely a thing of the past.
You have basically turned over a new leaf in the manner in which you are trying to relate to women in general, but so far you are not seeing any solid results as a result of your ongoing efforts in the way of women changing their attitudes towards you.
They seem for all intensive purposes to continue to see and respond to you as you were when you were still in your 20s, instead of recognising that you have positively changed your ways big time since then, and that the self centred type of man you once were all those years ago effectively no longer exists. It is as though you are permanently trapped in time, and it is therefore perfectly understandable from where I am looking that you may be wondering if changing your ways for the better towards women was warranted or helpful.
Guilt which goes on endlessly long after the reason for experiencing those uncomfortable feelings of guilt has been removed is without any shadow of a doubt self confidence and soul destroying. It no longer serves any useful purpose. In fact it is worse than useless, as it only seriously and negatively gets in the way of establishing and maintaining loving and respectful relationships with other women in future. Which is precisely why I believe you requested this reading in the first place.
For the purposes of this reading I must assume to a certain degree that you already have a fairly clear image of the type of woman whom you are looking to have a long term relationship with, as well as regularly getting out of your house and visiting the places where you would most expect to find the type of woman best described by your lists of positive qualities you are wanting in your soul mate, as well as not possessing too many of those negative qualities which you could not accept in the person whom you are living with under the same roof for more than one day at a time.
If you were not doing these things already, there is very little further I could do to help you through this reading. If you do not know who you are looking for, how would you ever know if you had found her? If you are waiting for her to spontaneously beat a path to your door and you never go out and socialise with women of a similar age group to your own, I do not like your chances, although miracles are sometimes I suppose possible. My advice would be to be grateful if this does happen, but not to depend too much on it happening during this current lifetime with you stuck at home, and with her out each night enjoying herself to the fullest, and getting to know your competition better.
So the answer to your question definitely does NOT include advice that you should immediately if not sooner stop doing all of these practical every day things to help yourself in the romance stakes. To do this would be counter-productive at best, and most unwise at worst. Your primary problem as viewed through this reading is that over the years you have unconsciously and consequently not largely under your conscious control developed certain mental, emotional and physical body habits (negative and confused body language) that are as we speak sending out psychic signals to women that you have NOT changed your ways at all, but may have actually got worse.
And to further reinforce and magnify your problem (as if you did not already have enough to deal with), the longer this continues the more difficult it could become for you without professional help to convince them otherwise by changing these signals to more accurately reflect your major turn around in becoming a much better type of man and prospective future partner.
Has this same low self esteem permeated into other areas of your life as well? Are you for example currently unemployed or are you feeling underemployed? Not having a regular source of income to go out with suitable women does not do much of a positive nature for one's social and love life, all other things being equal. Also a person who is unhappy, discontented and not earning enough money if at all in their present job, is not as rule very happy with his life as a whole. At your age and since it has been almost 30 years since you were 20, it is felt that while you could continue to work on this problem entirely by yourself, that your chances of arresting your downward slide in enough time are not looking particularly rosy or promising.
It is felt that you deserve all the professional assistance you can get and afford in your local area to help eventually give these both negative habits and the faulty signals which they send out to women about you the royal flick. Because they have been practised and grown stronger over such a long time, they have been buried ever deeper in your subconscious mind as the years move on, and only a professional has the methods to be able to access these deeper ingrained thought and emotion patterns which are badly sabotaging your efforts to find a suitable mate.
Having to consult such a professional person to do what seems to come so easily and naturally to others is not a sign of weakness or surrender or giving up. In contrast to such macho attitude it is instead a sign of your inner strength and dogged determination not to allow this to spoil the rest of your life if you can help it. So the advice which is coming through me in your best interests is a combination of you continuing to do what you re ready doing so well in the socialising department, PLUS getting professional help with this ASAP, as the opportunities to do so are becoming increasingly thin on the ground.
The only prediction which your reading is willing to make is that during the next six months covered by this reading that if you do nothing more than you are already doing to overcome this, that things could potentially get much worse which is one thing that I do not want to see happening to any good man such as yourself who I also regard as my friend and fellow traveller on the road of life.
I feel very deeply for you in your mental suffering and to some extent I am sorry that it had to get to this point before you got the help which you so badly and urgently require and deserve. It seems most unfair when you have already come such a long way towards improving yourself to still be so lonely as you approach the half century mark (which I passed almost 9 years go).
I feel no sense of pity for you as I always see this as being a put down, but I do feel great empathy and a feeling of brotherhood or identification with your predicament of being single and lonely and without someone to share your hopes, dreams and the almost endless amount of love which you have in your heart with. The first 25 years of my life of being or feeling a lot like you do now was quite enough for me.
Be kinder to yourself and get any professional help which you need to get, importantly at least starting within the next six months to approximately early December 2011. Anything you can do to boost your self confidence in other areas of your life will naturally spread into this one as an added bonus.
Namaste,
EoT
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