Hi I've been dating  a guy i met online in April 2011. Long story short; now that I've made plans to meet him he just seem to not love me anymore when just a week ago he asked to come and meet me. Will he ever love me again? I plan on just never speaking to him again and wait to see if he would try and initiate contact. Will we ever have those type of conversations again. Will he be the one. Please be brutal its ok. If it dont work out will I find someone new soon.
Thanks.
Heartbroken Me

Dear Heartbroken,

You have been "dating" a guy whom you met online in April of this year, and you have not met him in person yet?

With due respect, am I understanding you correctly when you call this dating?

For me to be able to directly read his thoughts and intentions towards you would necessarily require a third party reading to be given, which is completely against the forum rules which we must all do our best to work within. I hardly think that it is likely that this guy will become a registered Mystic Boards member himself, any time soon. Honestly I would not if I were you, suggest that he does. That would be a backward step in my view.





It is unfortunately very easy when you are looking for true love to form a false or faulty mental image in your imagination of what the person on the internet is really like or wants from you, which bears little if any resemblance to reality.

People on the internet often but not always are able to hide behind a mask which they present to the world in an attempt to impress the other person and in order to feed their own low self confidence.

I cannot definitely say because of the third party restriction how much of an act he was putting on when you were speaking to each other online. Nor can I say with any degree of certainty that his intentions towards you are honourable. I do not see you being satisfied for very long with the arrangement of you both remaining each other's good friends. His idea of what love is and your idea are I believe very different from each other. So when you ask me whether he will ever love you again, we may not be using the same dictionary meaning for what we view "love" as being.

Normally I would advise you to go ahead with your plan not to have anything further to do with him and see whether he will try to initiate contact if you do, but I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that to do so could potentially make matters much worse than they already are.

I get a niggling feeling that if you did meet in person in a public place (take a close and trusted friend with you as extra insurance when you meet him the first time), that he might recognise that he has made a serious error of judgement by only wanting to be your friend. You are far from being a a love starved teenager who does not know her own mind and who rushes foolishly into something where angels might fear to tread, and my feelings are based exclusively on this reading that it might be well worth you finding out straight from the source as to determining if there is any future for you as a couple instead of as just friends.

Is he keen and willing to meet you as only a friend, because if he is then at least that is a starting point towards getting rid of your amateur attempts at reading his mind? Find out for sure one way or the other if there is any future in this relationship, as going on indefinitely waiting for him to call you will only likely destroy what remaining self confidence and self respect you might have in the way of feeling that you deserve to be loved for being the wonderful woman you already are, without always having a man in your life to constantly remind you of this.

Yes there is definitely a chance that you will agree to remain friends only or both decide to go your own separate ways after further consideration, but I believe that as long as you use the proper precautions to ensure your safety when meeting him face to face, that you could spend the rest of your life wondering if you had only made the first move whether in fact he might have turned out to be the right man for you after all.

You could also quickly learn to regret not having had the courage and enough belief in your ability to read his true character when you meet him, which is going to also make any future relationships with other men if this one does not work out very uncomfortable for both of you. How can any man love you when he feels that he is competing with your image of how it might have turned out if you had decided to meet this guy in person?  Basically the poor fellow is competing with a ghost of someone who may never have existed outside of your mind, or your fantasy with regards to what he was really like.

Using all the sensible precautions, if he agrees to meet you as just a friend and you feel that waiting indefinitely for him to make the first contact is unlikely to be productive for either of you, stop your mind reading and guessing, and discover the truth about what he feels about and for you one way or the other, by meeting him in person and communicating your feelings to each other, using the old fashioned but more direct time proven method (without either the internet or texting him on a cell phone getting in your way).

This would be not so much a first date as a primary reconnaissance mission, in order for you to get a better and therefore more reliable feeling as to where you both really stand without your internet masks, as just friends or prospective future lovers. If you go ahead with your plan to wait indefinitely for him to be the first one to contact you, I predict that you could stand to lose far more in your life as a whole when compared to what this guy would.  

If he is not interested in meeting you merely as a friend, your decision is basically a no brainer. He has already shown you his true colours. He only wanted a woman to talk to over the internet, but at the first sign that she wants to meet him he runs in the opposite direction at top speed as this would involve him taking off his mask. In this is true and I cannot tell you this from a reading, I feel that you deserve someone much better than him to be loved and cared and respected by.

Be kind to yourself and find out one way or the other through a safe face to face meeting if he is worth getting to know better as a person, and not only as a screen name on a social networking site which either may or may not resemble the real individual.

EoT

Thank you for the read EoT.

Yes I call that dating, that's the most dating I do haha. Come to think of it that's funny.

Being a shy person when it comes to guys I've seen myself letting go of potential partners way too many times so I decided to try online dating although with skepticism.

What I gather is that when it comes to actually trying to make the relationship work the guy has more responsibility in taking it further due to the separate country factor. He says he wants to make his own choice and not have me scuttling cross country to only realize we don't click. This gave me an impression that he has made up his mind he wont really like me. (btw the visit is not sponsored or anything, nothing from his pocket).

I've made up my mind to overcome my shyness and find a real person to date and not over the internet. I'm independent and I thought my making a move to travel an see him would have been much appreciated but instead he is disappointed that I made plans based on him and that he wants to make his own choice.

Eot, like you said, I think someone else deserve me more just the way I am, in all the quirky way that I show love, even if its making travel plans to meet them.

You are very welcome for the read, and thanking you kindly in return for your useful and in some places painfully honest but still positive feedback.

It was clearly a very soul searching learning experience for you?

That other country factor does tend to throw an extra spanner in the works or add an extra level of complexity for you building upon your online relationship, but only you can decide if or when enough is more than enough.

I am not saying that online relationships are not a useful way of introducing yourselves to each other, but at some stage I feel that people need to let down their masks and be in the same place physically and not only digitally, if they are going to give themselves and their relationship over the longer term an above average chance of succeeding.

I do not know your relative financial positions, but the advice coming through was that if at all possible and if you both want this to happen badly enough, he should travel to be with you, and not the reverse.

One thing that I feel you should not do is to prematurely burn your bridges behind you or give up your emotional support network, before you can fully determine if he is as serious as he gives the impression that he is about you, but may when it comes to crunch time not be able or willing to deliver.

I repeat that you deserve much better than that type of shabby, insensitive treatment from any man, and must not settle for less than the true love and respect that any man owes you.

I am in closing very impressed and humbled by your accurate self analysis of your own situation and personality, and your courage to keep trying to find him, in spite of your ongoing shyness.

Loving regards from your Aussie friend,

EoT

Hi EoT

How've u been? Looks like ur inundated with requests. Just wanted to let you know that I got a new job and stoked about it.

If possible please try and read if I'd be back with online guy. Haha partly jokng but yes that's an inner hidden wish and I've doubts about this. Wanting and and not really wanting it. I guess the want will go away once I find someone new so actually could you read if id meet someone new soon and if that would be for keeps. Western astrology wise new romance is in my favour. Loneliness sucks.