hi EOT

hope you are doing well in life and have got time to help me one more time with your wonderful insight into the matter that has been causing issues in my family for quite some time .

could you please read for the family discord i have been witnessing for long due to misunderstandings created among people in my family by someone who passed away last month?
it seems quite complicated at present. certain events in the recent past have caused much upheavels in the family and it has been causing great distress to all . some people(specifically one of them) are unwilling to reconcile no matter what and it has also affected severly my realtionship with them. all of them are very close to me and i am losing hope of things getting any better by the way things are moving .

i want to know what is the future of my relationship with these people and shall we live in harmony and peace with each other in life in coming times ?will this person be ready to reconcile willingly and  will there be a gain of trust and love among us all again in coming times ?

is there anything that i should be doing to make things little better and save me some peace?

many thanks in advance

sweet

Hi Sweet,

This is probably going to sound like a lame excuse for me not being able to carry out your request to predict to where this is all leading, but when people are grieving for the passing of a member of their own family, each individual must do this at his or her own comfortable speed, and in their own often unique way of mourning their significant loss.



To even begin to answer that part of your question in bold print satisfactorily would necessitate a third party reading being given by me, which as you already know is not permitted according to the forum rules.

I am not saying that the troublesome family member's unwillingness to reconcile is completely caused by their relative's death, but I am suggesting that what was already in his or her personality has been greatly magnified by the death in the family. In other words the person in question was not always so easy to get on with before this happened.

Equally it is difficult to say exactly how long it will take for this problematic family member to stop taking out his or her feelings on everyone else, and start dealing with them again in a rational and balanced manner themselves. To some degree I feel that they are not doing this intentionally or maliciously to cause further trouble in the family at a time when you most need each other.

Your reading leads me to believe that this person always feels stressed out and that he or she is expected to fix everything on behalf of the entire family. This person is so weighed down by the family's expectations for them to take over and do everything which needs to be done in such a short period of time that they could be heading for a stress breakdown if they do not learn to effectively delegate some of their responsibilities to other family members before it is too late.

Is this person either the eldest sibling or the partner of the person who has died, as the burden of responsibility which they have voluntarily taken on is too heavy for their shoulders to carry any longer?

If this keeps going as it presently is, the reading predicts that whoever this family member is that they are not angry at anyone other than themselves, but because anger turned inwards equals depression and them being constantly depressed would stop them from doing what they need to do, any one unlucky enough to be close to them at the time gets caught in their friendly fire or becomes an unwilling victim or target of their internal anger pressure cooker which is about to explode at any tick of the clock.

So in summary to attempt to answer your question, you will remain an effective and important part of your family as a useful and co-operative unit, at least as long as you can draw a breath. Living more in peace and harmony with all of them including the problem individual is going to be a longer term goal to work towards by all of you over the next year or more.

During the next six months however, it could get much rougher before it gets any better, but such conflicts could be short circuited by family members being more willing to take some of the huge load of responsibility off the family member who is causing many of the problems, and realising that they are not consciously trying to make trouble for everyone. But they feel overpowered by other family member's expectations and are turning their anger and frustration and probably feelings of guilt as well on whoever is unfortunate enough to be in the firing line at the time.

A load shared is a load at least halved. Find a tactful way of helping to lighten this person's emotional load before it breaks his or her back and spirit. Do it in such a manner that they do not feel that you are criticising or trying to take complete control over the situation.

By doing so you could easily defuse what is a potentially explosive situation if this person does not get some relief for their stress, and this could calm things down gain to a much more manageable and sustainable level, with every family member having their own valuable role to play in healing the family wounds which this death has opened up (but which were already there at a lower level before the passing).

The death did not cause the wounds, but it made them more raw and sore when compared to how they were during the months leading up to the sad event. It brought everything to a head at just the wrong time for everyone who was mourning their significant loss in their own way, and at their own comfortable speed.

My sincerest condolences to you and your entire family on your family member's still very recent passing. At this difficult time of your lives you need each other more than you ever have before, so promoting and healing family peace and harmony and friendly co-operation is critically important to your family's future (which is why you presumably and urgently requested this reading).

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT

hi EOT

i am really sorry for replying late . i wanted to give an early feedback but family kept me occupied almost all the time .

EOT, i am amazed at how accurately you have explained the situation the way it is and each and  every detail that you have given for the person in question is to the point .

this person is the son of the other person who passed away last month . that other person used to influence this person's thinking a lot , mostly in a negative manner . both of them had their own set of differences ,yet one used to make great impact on other's thinking by giving all information in a wrong manner and by doing so has caused great hurt and considerable distance among relationships involved by being a negative influence mostly . biologically , they had parent-child relationship but in reality they shared great confidants and friends who had their "unique" way of looking at things in general and understanding them as well. so despite of differences, they shared a great commonality in terms of "public behaviour and understaning relationships" .  

moreover , this person in question is a very closed person emotionally and doesn't really trust anyone when it comes to sharing his feelings and managing things in life , not even with his life partner . instead others always end up bearing his anger and hatred whenever things go a little bad in his life , mostly this person's better half who has suffered a great deal beacuse of this both emotionally as well as physically. he has always been, no doubt, a difficult person to deal with.

his significant other has always felt compromised in terms of living a healthy relationship with him. he has always been a very controlling person , don't know whether it was out of compulsion or due to some other underlying issues (as u have already mentioned like stress, feeling over powered,wrong/negative upbringing,etc) .

i don't really understand how to deal with a person who is emotionally closed, don't want to share his family responsibilities with others( family members) and doesn't even want to give space to others. he wants to know each and every detail of other people's lives but unwilling to share his own or deal with his issues (with others) openly.
this incapability to deal with this person actually led me to make this request for a reading so that i can know how to deal with this person by knowing what exactly he wants from people who have been "victims" of his inappropriate behaviour, especially this person's spouse. things look normal from outside but there is a huge amount of animosity and intense rage that shows up everytime turbulence sets in our relationship and things go  out of control. it causes those wounds get sore again and puts everyone again to the same spot from where they were trying hard to come out already.

could you please tell what would be the right way to handle this situation with him as you have read why he is behaving the way he is ? you have mentioned to share the load , and if it is emotional load then he is not the one who would openly be willing to discuss things as i have known him for years . he likes to keep things to him always . but i really want to help him , even if i have to leave the misunderstandings that we already have aside at the moment and am ready to sort things out if he is willing to discuss too . but as i know him he doesn't seem to bother discussing anything that has happened in the past and caused all of us so much pain and hurt . i am telling this from my recent experience with him, his unwillingness that he has shown recently to even take any step towards trying to make things better when i tried to take that step further . he simply refused to play any role and seemed quite distant ..as if he wants to maintain this "gulf" that has been caused due to misunderstanings in the past .

i want to help us get closer again and try to understand each other's problems in a mature manner but how could it be possible without other person's willingness to do the same. and considering that i am really worried for our family's future . i don't know how to help him and as well as this relationship to grow out of pain that has already caused us much distress.

is there anything that you would suggest me to do to help ease up things ,in case that is possible ??

many thanks for the reading . as usual , it was quite insightful .

regards
sweet

Sweet,

You are very welcome for the reading, but it is now signed, sealed and delivered to the best of my ability and unless you have any further questions directly arising out of what I have already written (not new ones which require new readings), deciding exactly how you might achieve these goals on a practical level is your responsibility alone.

I do not have any magic formula to offer you to make it easier for you to deal with an emotionally closed person.

Repeatedly beating your head against a solid brick wall is usually more satisfying and productive than attempting to get through such a person's mental and emotional barriers, and it feels even better when you finally stop.

However I wanted to thank you sincerely in return for your very comprehensive and constructive positive feedback, as this greatly assists me to progressively improve both the quality and usefulness of my readings over time.

Kindest regards,

EoT  

EOT

that is okay , i understand your limitation as i do mine in this case . i truly appreciate your time and feedback .

many thanks for being kind .

best regards
sweet