I received a reading a while back here when I was going through a bit of a hard time, and I really appreciated the feedback. But lately I’ve still been going through a bit of a rough spell, and I’ve been feeling a little down about it- maybe I’m just looking for a little encouragement or something that I can’t see myself right now- but I would really appreciate a love-related reading!

I went through a really hard time in jr. high and high school, where I went through a very severe depression among other things and had to deal with some very messy family situations. I feel like I “wasn’t really there” and wasn’t really me for all of that, like there is just chunks missing from my life. Even my memories of that period are kind of blurry. Anyways, I left a bad environment, moved back home to the East Coast, went away to university and finally got back on my feet again. It took a lot of work but I got myself back a lot more and regained a lot of self-esteem. Right now, I probably have very little to complain about and my life is quite fortunate. I’m beautiful (although I still feel a little insecure at times), I graduated with first-class honours, I have more friends than I can count (like true-blue genuine friends that I am very close to), and I’m usually described as being a very funny, “laughy happy” person.  Like 5 years ago, I never would have even imagined that my life could be like this, or that I could ever be described as one of those ‘pretty popular girls.” However the whole “male” area of my life has always been troubled for me. I do get a lot of attention from guys in the physical sense I guess you’d say, but when it comes to actual love and relationships, I feel very hopeless.

When I finally first sort of got myself together again, and actually felt part of the world again when I started around my 1st yr university, I felt almost like an alien--I always sort of felt like I was behind or playing catch-up sp to speak in a lot of the more social areas of life.  Dating and guys has always especially been hard. Finally in my last year, I took a chance on my ex (he really really liked me for about a year but I only ever viewed him as a good friend), and it was really good for a little while, but then he ended up disappointing me in pretty much every way possible.  And I always sort of felt even while we were together, that he still had a part of him that was still in love with his ex a bit or something (his first love from high school that he dated for quite a few years, and although she has been dating someone else seriously for a few years, I feel like they might both have ‘the one that got away’ feeling towards each other- I feel like I can’t even compete). I kind of wonder if he ever even really loved me at all. He was my first, yet I don’t think I ever meant as much to him as he did for me.

I’ve been feeling over my ex for quite a while now, but I think it’s not so much about him that really gets to me for the most part, it might actually have very little to do with him--   I think that it’s more Love in general. It makes me sad that I’ll never get to have that “first love” experience, and that I’ll never be anyone’s first love or anything. I can’t even imagine being in a really good relationship with a guy where we’re totally genuinely in love and I’m the most important girl to ever be in his life above all others. Is that even fathomable?  My life pace has slowed down quite a bit lately  (less going out and partying and all that stuff lol, etc.) and I’ve been trying to focus on myself and other important things a lot more.  I’m trying to enjoy just being young, single, and dating… but that void in that area of my life is still there.  I almost feel  like something is wrong with me. Sorry I have a bad habit of writing a lot, but I guess I was just looking for a sort of general love reading for that area of my life?

-Teresa

Hello Teresa,

Yes your posting was long, but it was also very useful to me in deciding how best I could help you through a reading.



Was your severe depression diagnosed and treated by a qualified doctor, as if it was then you may be more biochemically prone to becoming depressed when placed in stressful situations, when compared to how the average person would be expected to respond? During your school years the messy family situations were clearly the main source of the stresses you were under at the time, although even if these messy situations had not existed being a child and teenager in our society has and probably never will be a bed of roses.

But now you are an adult and overall your life other than the noticeable lack of love in it is not too bad at all. Actually it looks pretty good from my side. Now feeling that you are unlovable and that you are somehow destined to spend your many remaining years alone without a man who worships the very ground which you stand on is clearly stressful, and if you do already have a medically diagnosed depressive tendency in your personality, then these stresses by themselves might be enough to push you over your limits to be able to cope.

Based purely upon this reading it is felt that while messy family situations and a lack of love in your life can be very stressful, most of the source of your total stress load is coming from inside of you. It is not that you are a bad or unlovable person. It is not because there is necessarily anything wrong with you at all. It is more in which meanings you associate with these events that is mainly driving your feelings in a depressed direction, on top of any underlying tendency for you to become depressed.

With reference to when you were still at school, what were you telling yourself about what these messy family situations meant to you, personally? At that age you lacked the maturity to see that the messy family situation was not your fault at all, and that you were not causing it to be messy. The messy family situation was due to a combination of many unfortunate factors all coming together at the same time, and while you may have been negatively affected by it, it was the product of adult issues over which you had minimal if any control.

But I strongly suspect that you saw it as meaning that you were the only person who was responsible for it happening, and were why your family out of all other families had to go through this. It would be very easy for you to start believing that you are responsible for all your difficulties from now on, and that God, the Universe or someone or something else has decided in it's infinite wisdom that you and your family do not deserve anything better, and need to be punished forever for being bad people (whatever bad means to them).

This negative and self punishing for nothing type of thinking can all too quickly become an established life long habit. The more times we do it to ourselves, the stronger and harder to shift the habit potentially becomes. Eventually we might get to the point that in order to shift that habit in time, we may also require the help of a professional who has the knowledge, understanding and training to be able to work closely beside us, and offer moral support or encouragement as needed.

And so we come finally to the present moment and the reason for your request.

So far you have not found a man with the qualities which you are looking for, although if you wait until he has ALL the positive qualities which you are looking for in your life partner, you may be on the wrong planet and be waiting indefinitely. And what negative qualities could you not live comfortably with in your man for more than 24 hours? You may need to compromise or lower your expectations about him having every positive quality, but still draw the line if he has one of the negative qualities which you simply cannot or will not accept, under any conditions.

Possibly with the help of your friendly professional team (doctor, counsellor, psychologist, nutritionist, psychiatrist, health worker, complementary health therapist............) it is felt that you need to carefully examine what you are telling yourself is or are the meanings or reasons behind the current lack of love which you are experiencing in your life.

It is the meanings which you are associating with the experience of not feeling loved and loveable, and not that you are really loveless and unlovable that are giving rise to many of these feelings of low self esteem, which are then translated into your negative body language and the psychic signals which you are sending out which wrongly tell a man that you feel unworthy of being loved by anyone, so would he please leave you alone in your guilt and misery (which have no basis in reality).

All of these possible factors leading to you becoming depressed again need to be carefully examined and weighed up in the mixture as to which of them is the main culprit, with the help of a professional.

As your reader and friend the only one that I feel qualified to assure and comfort you about is the strange and twisted idea that destiny has maliciously decided that you will remain forever alone without a man in your life, who is both able and willing to give you the deep and lasting type of love you deserve as much as any other woman does.

Your reading says that this idea is complete nonsense, and that it is entirely a by-product of the meanings which you are associating with not having found him yet.

Which person has told you that you are unworthy of being loved, and that nobody would want to love or be loved by you? Which psychic has told you that you are destined to remain forever without a man? Show me who these people are and I will tell them a thing or two about spreading around completely false and libelous nonsense concerning my friend, when they have all the time been talking out of their rear ends (pardon my language).

Be kind to yourself,

EoT