Really confused (story of my life!), Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 7 · Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 10:32 pm

caithiggs wrote:

I'm having a lot of trouble right now (hmm, this seems like a pattern for me here, doesn't it!!) Well, the thing is I've been having this ongoing dellimna for quite some time now. I've been finding all this justification for going with what I believe and standing behind it, but it's so hard to know what to believe. How do you separate real gut feelings and "knowings" from fantasies?

Here is a gist of what I've been under the influence of believing:
I felt drawn to a guy a couple years ago through a series of events that were really all just a string of associations after being inspired by a dream somebody had described at a friend's house one day. Basically the elements of his dream somehow inspired me to make certain moves in my life that led me to this person. Then, as I got to know him I started to feel like I had made some kind of contract with him for this life, I don't know how, but it's just a sense I have (I get similar things about several people, especially guys I date). I have these kinds of beliefs but also doubt myself, or remain "skeptical" of my possible mere fantasies (because I have a creative imagination). I'll add this contract feels very strong to me, like I had been waiting for it my whole life til now and I don't have anyone else I'm looking for to start a relationship with, like this is the one I was meant to focus on working with in this lifetime.

Well, I don't know how to separate this belief from the possiblity that I need to let this belief go! How does one figure such a thing out? So many things, emotional and logical, are completely running in opposition to holding onto this belief, yet the belief has been so stuborn and overpowering.

Are we ever guided falsely? That's essentially what I want to know. And if we are, suppose it's for a reason, how do we break away from what we believe in if it turns out to be false? How do we know if it's false or if we should keep following it?

Maybe this is not answerable. More than anything, I want to vent. I also feel a lot of self doubt, so maybe I want justification in my feelings too. Haha, just give me feedback! I feel so useless. I often fear being crazy underneath and I'm a really level headed person who needs control perhaps too much, because I have so many radical beliefs about my soul. :(

I'll add finally, I am AFRAID of letting go of this belief that I have about this guy I've met. I feel like if I let go of this situation -- which I want to believe is an opportunity when it might in fact just be a false belief leading me nowhere --- if I let it go I could be doing the completely wrong thing and not listening to my higher self. I feel like this could be disastrous. But then, it could be the opposite and sticking to it is disastrous. Help!

Before I met the woman I am now married to, I lived thousands of miles away from her, and I was in highschool. There were two different states that I was considering going to college for. One was bordering Mexico, the other was bordering Canada. I had a dream where the senator of the state bordering Mexico, told me to go to the state bordering Canada.
So - not just based upon the dream, I decided to go to university in the school bordering Canada. When I was there, I decided that my friends and I should go to Canada. When we got there, we went to a club, and (apologies if you find this offensive, but I don't know a way around telling it) we wanted to get some pot. I felt too awkward to ask anyone there, my friend was asking everyone to no avail. Then, this girl walked by, and I felt totally normal. I walked up to her, asked, she said sure, and she immediately grabbed my hand, and let me across the dancefloor like a fairy or something. Within minutes, she told me, "I feel like I've known you forever" and I replied I felt the same. After meeting her this one time, we agreed I should move up there. We've been together over 11 years now, and it's been amazing. Everything that happened felt like it was supposed to - there are many more things I could tell you about that seem pre-ordained or mystical in nature, but there's no need to bore you with the details. The moral of the story is, I do feel that sometimes there's a giant director to this play we're all acting in, and sometimes it's not improv. It's good to be skeptical, believing anything willy-nilly will not only make you a flake, but likely lead you to make very bad decisions. At the same time, understand that if you feel strongly that something is supposed to happen, perhaps it is. If this is the kind of thing that happens to you a lot, perhaps you should discount it, because maybe you just get starry eyed too easily. But if you haven't felt this way before, perhaps there's something to it.

Posts: 148 · Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 3:15 am

Hey, thanks to everyone for their replies. I'll update and let you all know that's a hurdle I'm glad to leave behind.

I've actually been starry eyed enough to be jaded from it I think.

Perhaps we had a window of opportunity for something, but by the time I had written about this it was already slamming shut. Which is fine, because there are always more windows out there. ;) Plus my new line of action in life feels a lot more plausible. That was a good lesson in exactly what not to turn a blind eye to in a relationship. The relationship had all the signs that end in failure. Sarcasm, contempt, stonewalling, all of that sort of lame stuff. Everything was leading to shutting down and falling further into the pit of despair.

Perhaps all of my surety was just a sign that I could be ready to cast all of my assets into a relationship when the right one came along, without doubting or looking back. I don't think doubt is ever really a benefit to a strong relationship, but asking if what lays before you is everything you deserve is important.

I honestly don't know what I was so worried about now. (isn't that always how it ends?)