I would like to request a reading on my relationship please.  I'm feeling some uncertainties and just want some clarification.

Thanks.
Nathalie

Welcome Nathalie,

You have not mentioned exactly how long you have both been together, but some doubts and uncertainties have obviously already made themselves known to you, although I sense that this relationship is still well worth continuing at present. Regardless of how long it has been the so called honeymoon period which normally takes anything up to a year to be over already is.

When two people who are meant to be together first meet there is a considerable amount of expectation that the passionate romantic, head over heels in love part of the relationship will last indefinitely and that because it appears that you are made for each other, that it will be a case of they lived happily ever after.

It is fortunate however that it does not happen this way, or we would all be soon be suffering from a state of premature burnout as the human body and mind are neither designed for nor capable of maintaining such a high level of excitement for very long without something having to give.

But in love's first bloom it is usually a matter of a new broom sweeps clean. Our shared human failings and imperfections are conveniently swept under the carpet as we try to impress our partner and put our best foot forward, but eventually the cracks in the mask we wear to the outside world inevitably begin to reappear, and this is the point at which I see your relationship as being at now.

This does not mean that either of you has some deep, dark secret shame or reason to feel guilty for something which you have done or not done in the past. Your reading is simply saying that the pressure of having to continue to keep your mask from showing cracks has now got too much for both of you, and reality is setting in.

As you should already know I am unable to read his thoughts and intentions towards you directly, as this would constitute a third party reading which is not allowed by the forum rules. But reading him indirectly through his relationship with the person who requested this reading, he seems to be making a choice between having you and having a job. And because he is also as you are confused about exactly what he expects from this relationship, the decision between you and his job is not as clear cut as it should normally be by now.

Not that he should need to decide between the job and you, but he appears to see the two as being mutually exclusive, when he needs both in his life to feel some sense of achievement and lasting happiness. He is a very proud man, who does not like admitting that he was wrong, especially to a woman

In the end I feel through this reading that the only effective way to help him to get his priorities properly in order, but find the right balance between his relationship with you and his job is for you to really begin communicating with each other again. Opening up to each other and talking about those things which are important, and not simply about those things that are comfortable to talk about.

Only through more effective two way communication and a willingness to compromise which he does not see as a sign of weakness do I feel that you are going to have an above average chance of still being together by Christmas. The next six months (depending on how long you have already been with him) could basically decide whether there is any real and lasting future in this, and I would be dishonest if I said that I felt this was going to be smooth sailing from now on.

But if you did not give it a fair trial then I feel that you would live a life full of regret for not having found out for sure. Start or go back to really talking with instead of only talking at each other, and see if things gradually improve.

Be kinder to yourself and to each other, as some degree of self doubt and confusion is perfectly normal in any long term close human relationship.

EoT

Thank you for the reading and we've been together for 6 months and I do think that we do need to talk with each other more.

You are very welcome for the reading.

For effective communication to happen you will require his co-operation.

The best way NOT to get his co-operation would be to play the blame game, or unintentionally make him feel that he is being personally attacked and therefore have to defend himself against you.

But on the other hand, there is only a certain amount you can do by yourself in order to resolve your difficulties, and you cannot wait forever for him to open up more fully to you about his true feelings, and indefinitely put the rest of your life on hold in the meantime.

Finding the best balance for you between the two extremes of pushing him too hard and fast or leaving him to do it when he is ready and not before is I feel probably going to be your greatest challenge between now and the end of this year, in the way of once more getting your relationship back on track.

I wish you both all the very best for the future, regardless of what happens between you as a couple.

Balanced or practical optimism is always the best approach.

EoT