I have met a few wonderful people in this forum, thanks to you kind people for helping me with your insight. I have always wondered about this issue in my life. When i look back and even now, i never have a wish to live, i don't care to live. Everyone says, life is a gift of god, we must celebrate it, but then, why do i feel like not wanting it. Even when things are going well, i would not care to live. When things are going well I am happy no doubt, but i am also not really happy. There is something inside of me which never lets me be happy and I don't know what it is. I have always wanted to know... so that I could work on it.

All my life, I have had to struggle to get even the minuscule things... I really have to struggle a lot to get anything. Be it education, affection, acceptance, job, baby .... why? When i get something after so much struggle and delay, i am just not bothered about it... I feel like God is punishing me of so many things i don't even realize.... I want to die... but don't want to commit suicide as it is a sin...[don't want to be born again to go through all this over and over] What is wrong with my life?... why is it the way it is? What can I do about it? please help [sorry about rambling so much]...

Thank you very much.

Seeking,

Your screen name says it all.

No offence intended to you my friend, but if you are truly thinking about ending your life, whether or not you are planning how to do it, then my advice would be to stay away from all psychic readings for at least the next six months, and immediately without any further unnecessary delay seek professional help and treatment from a qualified professional such as your doctor.

Not doing this as soon as possible could have fatal consequences, and we will not take the risk even for a good friend such as yourself that we might with the very best of intentions through a reading make your state of mind that much more worse than it already is.

God be with you,

EoT

thanks for your reply.... i want a few answers so that i can work on myself. As i have told above, i am seeking answers. Shrink will listen to me, tell me a few exercises and put me on drugs... that is not what i am looking for. I want insight, i want guidance, i want someone to tell me why the things are the way they are with me. I have tried so many means... trust me when i say this... i have... after trying many things and failing, today i posted this question. If only i wanted to end my life, I would have been dead a long time ago... I will not do it. I have no interest in living... that is what keeps bothering me... why am I like this? I have tried many means to find answers... no use. If you can, please help. give me a reading.

It is extremely difficult for me to word this in exactly the right way, so that you will not get the mistaken impression that I am cruel and heartless and totally insensitive to your feelings of desperation, but the fact is that 34 years ago I was almost in exactly the same dark place where you are now, and I am still here. If all of the people who have lost their interest in life but were afraid to die were placed in a long line, I believe that it would extend all the way to the moon and back.

Robbie Williams expressed this very common human feeling that life is just too hard for many of us in the lyrics to his song "Come and hold my hand".

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Come-and-hold-my-hand-lyrics-Robbie-Williams/E71928FC8C238E69482570A10009C49F



You mentioned that you have already tried all the methods which you can think of to get rid of these feelings of disappointment and disillusionment, including your psychiatrist and drugs, but that they had all failed. Surely if they had all failed you would not be speaking to me now. What I feel that you are really saying is that although you are still very much alive but not particularly moved or excited by it, you are seeking answers to questions which men and women have attempted to get a satisfying answer to since the dawn of time. There are mountains of books and other sources which claim to provide these answers, but so far no luck. Unfortunately as readers we do not have a private line to God, and we are frequently no nearer to answering these age old questions when compared to how close you are.

I can only pass on to you what comes through me on your behalf and in what is felt to be your best interests at the moment, plus what I have learned from my own first hand experience of a total nervous breakdown, years of chronic anxiety and depression, suicidal thoughts and eight and a half years of treatment with increasingly greater doses of  tricyclic antidepressants which in the end I had to go cold turkey from by my on efforts, or follow my father to his grave.

What worked for me when none of the conventional methods were enough by themselves but did not fail ( although it may not work for everyone) was to meditate upon the question "Who am I?"

Who am I seems to have an obvious answer on the surface. You are that person who is always there when you wake up. You are your every day self. You are that person who carries your name. You are your physical body. You are defined entirely by the job that you do, how much material wealth you have accumulated and your standing in your community. You did not exist before you were born into this current lifetime, and once you have died, you will no longer exist again.

RIGHT?

WRONG!

The WHO or I being referred to here is your own Higher Self, and not your everyday lower self.

Think of it as being a tiny pinpoint sized spark of God's Light which we all have within us. It is our Higher Self which knows exactly from here we have come, why we are here, and (hopefully) where each of us is going. It is our Higher Self or Higher Power who is experiencing every single aspect of what it is like to be a spiritual being temporarily using a physical body, to learn a series of valuable lessons which can only be easily learned in a physical universe such as this one, for our souls to evolve to ever higher levels.

This learning, experimentation and self discovery process often happens over several hundreds to thousands of individual Earthly lifetimes, but to say that on the surface these lessons seem completely unfair or even cruel for so many of us would be a gross understatement. You are merely expressing the common cry of  human soul which is hurting and crying out to be saved before it is too late, so you have my complete empathy and some of my necessarily limited understanding of what it is like to be you.

The thing that really saved me in the end from carrying out my self destructive thoughts was the love of my family, many of the methods you have just told me have failed miserably for you, and one of the most simple but at the same time one of the most profound and potentially life saving meditation methods I thought that I would ever hope to encounter. And during that period I did have a counsellor who claimed to be in contact with her spirit guide and what this guide advised me to do effectively put my recovery process back by at least five years in my estimation.

Therefore can you now see why I am so hesitant while wanting to help you to the best of my abilities,  to run the risk of doing the same thing to you as my friend as that counsellor's spirit guide once did to me? And by sadly having to once again turn down your reading request I am working within the policies of this site not to do harm, and to not give readings when the psychic connection required for the reading to proceed is being intentionally blocked by the person's own Higher Power (HP) for reasons only known to God and HP.

Learn some simple progressive relaxation methods as my psychiatrist taught me, breathe slowly and deeply, and meditate for a maximum of 15 minutes tops every day at much the same time privately meditating on the same question as I and many others did.

WHO AM I?

I would also advise you to keep a regular and carefully dated dream journal and at least two working pens handy close beside your bed at all times throughout the coming weeks and months, as often the answers to that question arrive by this route. Keep away from all further psychic readings for at least the next six months (including from me), to give this method the best possible chance of working.

And finally please do NOT stop seeing your psychiatrist or taking your medications, and use this meditation as a substitute for them. They must only be used in combination with each other. I am still living evidence of the good sense and reason for following this critically important rule  to the letter. If I hadn't, I would not now be helping and caring or you by turning down your request at this particular stage of the healing process.

Let your psychiatrist know what you are planning to do. Work under his supervision and with his support. He might even have some further hints to offer you to help make this meditation method work faster for you, because he knows you better than I do and will sometimes adjust your medication to allow for this.

Love, Light and Peace to you,

EoT

PS: Please keep me updated concerning what progress you are making during those six months with the meditation and your treatment, under this same thread.

Thank you for all the time and effort you have put into answering my question. I do meditate.... that is also not going so well.... it is not that i don't want it to work. I am currently in a place where nothing is moving or working. Stagnated and stuck is exactly how my life feels.... i don't feel the flow any more. I will continue with meditation as you said. Sorry may be i am replying late, i just checked your post. You have a blessed life, you have been through a lot as well. May the light be with you always. thanks.