Hellopurewool, journaling is a great idea! That way you get to check your experiences with angels and guides against the changes you make in life. You will see the progression of things which will motivate you and help you out of your depression. Plus you will become more aware of yourself and the love of those aaround you without having to  chase after it!

Hi Petra,
your words have resonated with me so much and your guidance and advice that I've been reading alot of the posts here on mysticboard today.  I believe you have incredible psychic and healing abilities and  appreciate that your willing to share them with us.  I've been seeking answers to so many questions these past few years and I realize that some times there are no answers but I'm trying to find some sort of justification to the past several years...........maybe you can shed some light.

I don't want to inundate you Petra lol but here it goes!

Four years ago I decided to take care of special needs people in my home against the wishes of my husband. He resisted because he probably knew from the get go what we were getting ourselves into but I felt I had to do this, like this was finally my calling that I was seeking all my life, something I can do, to listen, to support, provide love and care (something I probably thought I needed to do since I can't and don't have children of my own.) But I was way in over my head, waaaaaay in over my head...... I worked endlessly around the clock virtually without a day off for the past 4 years taking care of 4-5 people, and in the middle of it all my husband left me because he couldn't handle it and I wanted to run away too because things were just so insane, but I couldn't walk away I had to take care of them.....I learned so much and experienced so much, too much, trying to take care of people with... mental health issues, drug addiction, dementia, death........I was so overloaded, stressed, I knew I had to stop, so I'm finally in the process of moving on from this line of work but I feel so angry, so sad, I saw so much ugliness, helplessness in humanity and I don't know anything any more.  I used to have beliefs, a certain conviction, I thought I was standing up for people in need and now I'm left with nothing.  

I thought I had found my way when I began my journey trying to help people with special needs but instead I've lost my way completely.  

So why did I have to experience all this devastation??? Did I plan this before I came here? For growth? To be stronger person? to find my way?Why? because I sure don't feel stronger or better or more spiritual, infact I don't really like being here at all!.........when will I begin to see light again? Maybe nothing will ever make any sense ever but I would like to see light again and I want to see it soon!

love and light and blessings

Hellopurewool, you sound like a very empathic person, please note I said empathic not empathetic, because you seem to pick up negative energies from people easily that then interfere with your life. I have worked with people with disabilities before and I know how it can just drain the life out of you with certain kinds. It can also be the total opposite, but if you consider that for some of those people their disability is Karma, keep in mind that there might be some that develop a deep sitting and possibly hidden anger that makes them psychic vampires that feed off your energy, sometimes even unbeknownst to them. If you don't learn how to shield yourself from such attacks you will keep suffering, especially when you are in a vulnerable depressed state of mind, because they will always attack the weeakest that surround them. (Search "shielding" and "psychic vampires" on the forum for more info and advice)

You have not lost your way, you are just on a stepping stone to new understanding and it looks like it will take endless work and effort... but just take a few steps at a time and things will get easier as you go on. A purpose in life reveals itself, we cannot force it... but whatever brought you to this forum, be assure, it is a step in the right direction. Try and explore some other interests of yours. Usually, when we think life is not worth living, we suddenly find a new purpose and it's worth it after all. You may find more people on this forum you can help than in your business. And if it drains you too much, you can just turn off the computer. However, it will be very rewarding!!

As an indigo person I often feel like I want to go "home" and home, I know, is not on this earth. But I need to keep going.
In response to the why, like I said, that is something only you can answer, but it will reveal itself! When depends on how soon you decide to accept a new way, new mindset and attitude. It's been said to do things the same way over and over and expect a different result is insanity, so let's just try a different approach to helping people, using your knowledge and insight.

Love and light!

Hi there Petra,
Again thank you so much for your insight, I've learned so much from you........I guess I'll keep on trucking to try to find my way in life but it's nice to know that there are people out there like you!

Hellopurewool, you are very welcome, anytime! I am still learning, too you know... and there are many people much better than me... but that would never keep me from trying my best *wink* ... check out Pravin Kumar's inspirational posts... they are quite uplifting!