I was wondering if someone could give me some perspective. I'm having problems in my marriage and sort of want out. I'm in a pickle b/c I moved with him away from any friends or family. But I could just sneak away. My family would help. I really don't want to move back home. I can't afford to live alone the way I live now as the area I'm in is expensive. I don't want a roomate either.
The other thing is that I just got my cosmetology license and found a great teacher where I work. Should I just stay until I have a greater understanding of my trade or just leave ASAP? I was advised that I cannot fix his problems and he may lead me somewhere I don't want to be. I've also cheated on him with one of his friends and he is how I met my husband. I do like the guy, but I would have never done it unless he didn't do me wrong in the first place. Well any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Piscbelieve

There are a couple of directions you can work towards:

1) Fix your marriage. You stated that your marriage was having problems, is this something you can work on or have you chose to end this marriage? Have you tried counseling? Or have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel? Or is that even plausible?

2) Start a new life without your husband. First you have to decide what you want to do...if you are living in an area now and want to stay in that area you will need to make arrangements to maintain a financial stable situation. Meaning you may have to get a roomate, whether you want to or not. If you decide to move back home you are financially covered, but is there career opportunities there for cosmetology and will you learn what you need to learn to succeed in your field?

Just remember you control you, not your husband not anyone unless you choose to let them control you.

Please let me know how things work out.

Sophe

Hello! Thanks for responding! I almost deleted this site from my e-mail b/c I got no response. But finally it came. I thought I was hopeless!
Anyways I talked to my husband and I told him I might want to speak to a psychiatrist. He was a little upset because I was sort of cold and told him I didn't want to hear him bitch about his problems w/out doing anything about it. Which was wrong, but I am the type of person that listens and understands so much that people take advantage and all I hear about is them and meanwhile they have no idea how my life is going.
Okay, let me tell you the story of us. I once saw a guy at the gym with blond hair, tall, totally hot. I didn't talk to him there, but later that night I saw him standing right next to me at the bar. He is not my husband, but I wished he could be someday. (Just a side note, but I am like Samantha from Sex and the City, just so you know. I love sex and I love men. And at that time of my life I was single and in my prime) Anyways, I went out with him and had a one night stand with this guy. Despite my Samantha ways I was looking for a long term deal, but he was clear that he was moving to NYC or back to Florida so he wasn't looking like me. But he sold drugs and I was down that road before and stated that I surely didn't want that again b/c they all get caught. Anyways he was living with his grandparents! So despite his good looks and charm the word loser came to mind. He never called me back afterwards so it hurt, but I could do better. But once I weirdly ran into him at a restauarant where I caught him palying arcade games. I snuck up on him out of something like a Glen Close movie. Hee-hee!
I went back to college for a few months and returned home again and got another week membership to the gym. This is where I first layed eyes on my husband. I love big, muscular men. He was just my type. I had my eyes on him all week and my Mom gave me some advice on meeting people. She said just be more open and smile and be friendly. So I kept doing it and made a little connection with him. Just when I got the courage to go up to him and say hello he walks in with my one nite stander! Holy S--t! What was I supposed to do now? Trapped on the treadmill I bopped my head to the beat of my beloved techno music. They walked past and the guy obnoxiously winked at me while the object of my desire laughed at this gesture. I glared at him and smiled and said hello to the guy I wanted to meet. They disappeared and I just sank into my music and workout to escape. When I exited the machine, bopping my head in trying to overcome my embarrassment I turn around and my crush was mimicking me bopping his head like I was! I just laughed and blushed and sort of gave into the moment. Now that I had his attention I used my one niter to get to him. I walked over and asked a question on what the best clubs were to go to. My one niter started to tell me and my crush stepped in and said he would take me to a nice one. We exchanged numbers and have been together ever since. Here is the thing: We stayed friends with my one niter and everything turned out fine. I really ended up liking him as a person after I got to know him. He got caught for selling drugs and is doing better. But my husband and I moved to my one niters home state of Florida for a change. I love it down here, but we have had a multitude of problems. First he cheated on me. I found out b/c he thought he was cool and called up our friend and started bragging and I overheard. I don't think he had sex with her, but it made me do crazy things like try swingers clubs and go completely nutso in public and cause scenes and make people think I'm a pyscho when I'm not. Then the other thing is that our friend moved back here and I totally made me feelings come out of the darkness that I secretly want him and fantisize about him all the time. This came out when we were left alone together one morning and BAM! After four years had really amazing sex. But a psychic lady told me this would happen and it would not be as it seemed and that my husband would help me, but not to let this guy come b/t us. She said we would have a little girl and possibly a little boy. But I am so confused! I love my husband and really want it to work out. But he does messed up things and then I give myself permission to do dark, secrative messed up things back! Its crazy! I just get nuts when ever I'm around this other guy. He is a cancer and I'm a pisces so I love that! My husband and I are compatable, too. He is a Capricorn. But they are both on the cusp. My husband is Sag- Cap and the other guy is Gem-Cancer. I'm March 2 so I'm full pisces. I have a lot most of my plantets in Pisces and Saggitarius. So I'm really pisces like. You know, sweet, demure, quiet, gets taken advantage of, caring, feeds off others feelings, but the Sag in my moon sign and 11th house (I can't remember exactly) gives me that extra shot of aggression. I think it makes me have weird friends and cusp people are eccentric so I guess thats why I'm attracted to both of them. Well sorry to write a book. I just can't strike up a conversation with everyone that starts off, "Hey did you know I F--ked my husbands friend and thats how we met? Then he didn't call me, but who cares b/c he was a loser anyways so I took his friend. But we did it again last week after four years and now I'm totally obsessed with him again and want to kill myself!" Okay just kidding here. Sorry to write a novel, but man I have to get this off my chest! Any info would be appreciated. Thanks! Merry X-mas!

Ok...let me see if I understand your post.

I understand how you met your husband I think that is relatively interesting and humerous.

First, one-night stand.

Second, you met your husband.

Third, your husband cheated on you. And this made you perform your own episode of "Girls gone Wild".

Fourth, after four years of being with your husband, you decide to cheat with your fantasy guy.

As for you and your husband...
Ok first of all you both cheated on each other and that is not good. You will need to work out the trust between you both. And I think it will be a long road. I really don't think introducing kids into this relationship is a good thing right now until you work these issues out between you two. And I would listen to what that psychic said don't let this guy come in between you. No offense he could be a huge problem down the road.

As for the one-nighter....
He is involved in drugs....dealing them...not a good idea. Most drug dealers I have known throughout the years are not just dealing they are using or have used. This leads to how safe is he, how much do you know about his other friends and what has he used in the past? There is soo much risk nowadays...please be careful. I know you have it bad for this guy...but lust is NOT everything. And I know it can be hard to control those urges, but you have to for your own health and safety.

I think you are just blinded by this guy right now. You will see what is right for you...remember he had no problem leaving you the first time. So please be careful.