I live with a man that can charm his way into or out of any situation, we have been together nearly thirty years , In that time ive known when affairs (I dont think he would class them as affairs, just sex) have started and when they have finished but not been able to prove any of them, he is mentally manipulative and cruel, with statements like” Do you think women still find me attractive….no not you younger women” and “you have got no proof So im innocent.” I now have no credibility with those around me, even my family think its all in my head,  Finding sand in the bed, and my belongings rifled was not enough for such a quick thinker,  I admit the flashes of him with other women are in my head along with the names I receive, the most resent Michelle  R….  can anyone help me with proof of this one ( I know there are still others but this ones the newest on the scene)

Hi Chris,

I hope it is ok for me as a new member to post what I felt when I read your message. I so feel for you, knowing exactly what it is like and what you are going through. Please trust yourself, do not allow others to belittle you or make you feel that your thoughts and views are worthless. But, I do sense that perhaps you may be a bit reluctant to really find out, are you sure you want to know? This would change everything, the confirmation of something that you have wondered about for years is not always wanted when the time comes down to it. I can see that your man has a lot os energy that is used up in the chase, how awful for you that he says such horrible things, I bet that must make you feel like whacking him and screaming, and with little of no support from your family it sounds like? I can see this going one of two ways, you leave knowing or you leave not knowing, but somehow I feel that you will stay, after all thirty years is not something to be laughed at and if you were serious about leaving the relationship you would have done so years ago. So lets concentrate on the energy that will help you to stay and be happier than you are now? Many men (men don't read this lol) want to be sexually active and have many young partners but most keep that as a dream, but the odd few do go terrorising through the undergrowth and finding new girlfriends whenever they can. Saying it is just sex isn't really helping you at all, Sex still matters, it is still a part of him that should be given to you and no-one else, but thats my opinion. Finding sand in the bed or earrings under the pillow all add up to the same thing, and although I would never concretely say that he is having an affair he seems to be leaving all the telltale signs, a woman knows these and can sense what is happeneing just like you said.  Do you know what would happen if you actually caught him with this woman? Would he make excuses and twist you round his little finger and make you see the situation innocently? Is that what you want?
What do you want to come from this? What would make youfeel happier in yourself? Do you still love him? Will you always love him no matter what? Think these questions through and then decide on a plan. There is no point in me saying yes to the name you sense is ther, you know the answer already, but you do need some sounding box to talk to and yell at and wail why me, and cry with too, so think and see what you feel deep down inside, and then let me know You are brave and wise and have lots of talent, don't allow this bad situation to get you down, time to think clearly and make decisions on your terms.

Yes this is a definite Yes! I do so want to proof of this affair, I have know were to go, Kids and dogs I wont leave and a family that think butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, when his affairs are proved there will be so many angry husbands, I'm sure he will disappear. Yes thirty years is a long time but its been a tissue of lies, hes had these women in our bed, I feel dirty and avoid any close contact with him now as I see/ feel what hes feeling/ thinking and its not me hes with

Well the energy from your second post was so much more definate and clear, you have thought this through very well haven't you. But I sense some revenge creeping in and that isn't good, I know it does take two to tango but sometimes letting go of the anger is better and not foolowing things though, do you ever follow him or find out, figure out where he is going and so on? How come these things happen in your own bed and you have no proof? Borrow a camera, plant a tape recorder, ideally a cctv but ugh, Why does he deny things then, so he can stay? Is that it?

You are coming across so strong, xxxx

His only interest is the house we live in, I am under no illusions that its me, He as been down that road planting cameras , when I meditated and asked why I felt so uncomfortable in the home pictures were flashed at me and I found the camera.  The proof hes had them in our bed !There was sand on the wheels of his car on the same occasions sand turned up in the bed, a red waist coat of mine mysteriously disappeared and my dresser draws had been riffled, I'm under no illusion as to how thick I have been in the past but I believe in my self and my worth now and want an end to it all, I thought the last time because I came so close he would have stopped but hes started again enough is enough