There is really no need to apologise as the ruling is that while readers are encouraged to give greater priority to those members who are already actively contributing to other forums, it is left entirely up to us as to which requests we feel drawn to or feel that are in most urgent need. I feel that your situation with not being able to trust your husband is an exception to this rule, so I would be pleased to help you if I can through a reading. I firstly wanted to make it clear that we cannot directly read your husband's mind and especially his true intentions towards you, as this would be by definition a third party reading which is not permitted on this site. But our hands are not permanently tied by this or any other rule for that matter, as a relationship reading focussed squarely on the person whom is requesting it (aka you) is perfectly valid. We are looking mainly therefore at how this issue of the inability to trust your husband is affecting you? And it is obviously upsetting you quite a lot, as I still feel a strong sense of connection on several levels at the same time between you and your spouse, which probably makes this more difficult to face than it would otherwise be if he had never been loving towards you.
Now trust is something which must first always be earned. It is not something which is any person's automatic right. I do not know exactly why you feel that you cannot any longer trust him, and whether this is a case of possible or proven marital infidelity, but while I am not excusing him for betraying your trust or taking sides against you, could I please remind you that no matter how much we may love another person, at times it is almost inevitable that we will do something foolish, make mistakes or in some other way make the other partner feel that they can no longer trust them. When our trust has been for some reason betrayed (or we merely believe that it has), it can frequently be a long and difficult road to restore it to anything like the level it was before the betrayal (real or perceived) occurred. Do you have any actual physical evidence that your husband has betrayed your trust, beyond what your feelings are suggesting is the case? I feel that I am being asked to serve as a referee or judge between what your physical senses are telling you, and what your instincts may be telling you is true. I would therefore advise you to tread very carefully with making any outright accusations unless you have some more substantial evidence than what your gut feelings are telling you about something which might be happening behind your back (possibly with someone else).
If he is guilty of failing you or doing something which is against his marriage vows, while it is important that you should never forget this, for your own sanity and health you will eventually need to learn to forgive him. But the time and effort required to do this may take you longer than you are willing to go on with your relationship (especially if your marriage was never that strong to start with), and it may be that you will ultimately decide to part. Are there any young children involved here? Again I am certainly not saying that you should continually turn a blind eye if he keeps doing whatever he has done to hurt your deepest feelings, but if this is the first time it has happened and he is willing to ensure that it will never happen again, are you equally willing to give him the opportunity to redeem himself in your eyes? I am hesitant to offer advice which should instead be given by a qualified marriage counsellor, as I do not want to unintentionally place either you or any children in physical or any other form of danger. Especially if your husband is of a violent nature or tends to use physical force or psychological abuse in order to get his way, I would not be willing to accept the huge responsibility involved if I either told you to stay indefinitely, or to leave him ASAP.
On the basis of this reading my feelings are that this is either the very first time that he has stepped out of line, or that he feels considerable remorse for his actions, and is willing to admit that he is a big part of the problems you are experiencing within your partnership. But only you can decide in the end if there is enough solid evidence to confront him with and still be able to save your marriage, or whether it is long past time to cut your losses and leave. Are you financially independent enough from him to do this, if you do decide to go? Only much patience and compassion towards both your husband and yourself plus time is going to be able to heal your deeply wounded heart, but the time required may be irrelevant if you are not BOTH fully committed to restoring trust once again between you.
I wish you both well, whether or not you decide to stay together,
Love, Light and Healing,
eye_of_tiger
