Hi Toni,
As long as a larger proportion of the surprises that life presents you with continue to be of a positive nature, then you are probably doing better than most of the rest of us. The search for meaning and purpose is more about the journey than it ever was about the destination, so the general idea is that life is only meant to make sense to you in carefully graded and therefore more manageable steps, than attempting to make sense of the whole experience at the one time.
The information you require is often only given to you as and when it is needed, and not a moment before. See what is happening in your life at the present time as just a series of friendly wake up calls, rather than being a major kick in the butt for something you may have either done earlier in your current lifetime or possibly in a previous one. It is only when we constantly ignore these wake up calls that the Universe decides that more extreme measures are required in order to get the important messages through to us. In your case I sense that you are being too hard on yourself as if you think that you deserve such disrespectful treatment for some perceived past sin or personal failing. We are meant to feel guilty if we have done something wrong (or have failed to do the right thing) so that we can then take corrective steps to make up for our thoughtlessness. But your reading is telling me that you are feeling guilty for not being able to control factors that you were never meant to take responsibility for, and therefore how can you make up for something of which you were completely innocent in the first place?
A lot is happening in your life in a relatively short time, not so much because your life so far has consisted of a series of failures one after the other, but more because you have tried top bite off more than you can comfortably chew or digest at the one time. You are overpowering and unnecessarily frightening yourself by attempting to focus on so many problems at the same time that your energies are becoming terribly scattered, leaving you basically exhausted and lacking in any motivation to go on, in case you may unconsciously only make the situation worse than it already was. You are being urged to focus on a maximum of two problems at any one time, then satisfy yourself that you have made significant progress with these before eventually moving on to another and another. The expectations you are placing upon yourself are unrealistically high and if you continue in this manner it is only a matter of time before you will do permanent damage not only to your own self confidence, but also to your state of health.
The only prediction I am willing to make on the basis of this reading is that if you choose to continue in such a manner that you will have unknowingly defeated yourself long before the first shot is fired. You have taken on considerable challenges during this particular lifetime that would have easily overcome a person lesser than yourself.
But you are doing the very best which any reasonable God worthy of your praise could ever have expected you to, so who are you and I to disagree with the One who created ALL? Give yourself a much better chance of meeting these challenges head on, by not trying to build your version of Rome in a single day or in other words to continue to scatter your vital energies to the four winds, as if you had an infinite supply of life energy in order to last you throughout this incarnation and all future ones as well.
Be a better friend to yourself and do not be your own worst enemy,
eye_of_tiger
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