Tigerman-I think you have given me too much credit in your response.  I did come here looking for guidance because any and all advice is valued and greatly appreciated, but I am very guilty of also wanting clear cut answers if any could be seen.  One thing I should clear up is that I know I made it seem like I wanted or needed a pity party because I did paint a horrible picture of my life, but I truly do have a wonderful life.  I have a family that is like a rock that I love and appreciate deeply who loves and accepts me flaws and all unconditionally, friends that I adore and couldn't live without, children that light up my life and make every day worth living, etc.  I have had many blessings all throughout my life, really- everyday is a blessing.  

Why am I desperate then people would say--and I guess I am really not and should have thought that through better before I typed it.  I am just curious.  Let me explain some things:

It's just that the last couple of years, I finished college, became so obsessive in a relationship that I lost tons of weight-people thought I was doing drugs (which I wasn't) it was a heartbreaking relationship all throughout it,  I look back at it now and do see that I think I was meant to go through that experience when my grandfather passed away...I think it helped me get through it oddly enough.  Because my grandfather was the light in our family, he could put a smile on anyone's face just with his, he was so special.  So, if I wouldn't have had my mind on something else like that crazy ex of mine I don't think I would've got through it as easy.  It was a long hard battle going through it all.  Anyway, enough rehashing all that I am hormonal and don't need another crying jig...LOL.  Gladly, that is all behind me and the only thing I live with now are the lessons that I learned through it.  It amazing how much strength I really do have to rebuild myself psychologically, physchially, emotionally, etc. I wouldn't known that without the last couple of years.  

I know that everyone has problems in their lives with loss of loved ones and relationships, etc.   I already know that I have changed because of the last two years and for the better.   I do know things are on the upswing, but man that was a tough time.  

So, that was all desperation I use to be in...I am a new person, I guess I  am just curious and would like answers because I never want to feel that lost ever again.  I really felt like I checked out of myself through that and I want if at all possible to prevent it from happening ever again.  So, that is the desperation in me to keep myself shielded...I know way wrong, but it scares me.  I fell apart--with two children that had to suffer because mommy wasn't the same and change from what I feel like was a big part of the child still within me and I hate that they had to see that.  (does that make sense)  

As for the things relationships ??????? that is where I am lost.  I do ask myself all the time am I in a delusion and asking too much of someone or too little...etc.  because the formula (haha) does not balance out for me.  I watch my friends and family with their significant others and yes they all struggle in their relationships, but ultimately they have their person in their life show them they love them and are there for them in the end.  By the way all my friends and family do tell me to cut the strings and let them go everytime I am with someone, so I don't think I am just imagining the wrongs that they have done to me.  The one thing I have noticed is that I have closed myself off emotionally a lot and have became very bitter toward men.  I hate that.  I do think I had a vision early on in my life about relationships that was unrealistic almost like a fantasy (it's that dam* Cinderella) LOL.  But, now I do think I am realistic about what should go into building one and keeping one together, the thing is though I am so scared of going through another one and being crushed that I almost immediately want to bail so that I keep myself shielded when the first sign of disinterest from them appears.  I guess that is why I asked about my current relationship we are having tough times and I can and know I am strong enough to let it go and move on, but I don't want to jump the gun just because of my past relationships.  Okay, I have tons more to say but I better stop now or it will be so long you won't want to finish reading it.

Thank you so much for help,

29

Dear 29,  

You are I feel incorrect with your assumption that I am showing you any pity, as I regard giving any person pity as a definite put down. I am instead extending to you empathy and some compassion, rather than sympathy (oh you poor dear, things are really as bad as you feel they are). Unfortunately as is the case with many complex life situations, clear cut answers are often difficult to find.

I thought that you painted a well balanced but realistic picture of your current circumstances, and if it had not been for the support and love of your family I feel that you would not be asking for our help now. I believe that instead you would have thrown in the towel so to speak many moons ago. But no matter how you bravely try to deny it, you are facing some very real difficulties for sure, and the fact that you have now made the first small but vital step towards eventually resolving many if not all of your problems is every reason for me to give you credit where it is well deserved and long overdue.

In my humble opinion I feel that it takes incredible courage to bare your soul and deepest feelings and openly admit that you do not have all the answers (neither do we) on a public forum such as this one, and I wanted to tell you in words how much I admire and respect you for being able to do this. If you misinterpreted my comments as me giving you pity, then I sincerely apologise for this totally unintentional misunderstanding on your part.

Your personal and largely private battle over especially the last two years has been a long and weary campaign in which no prisoners of war were taken. The casualty count was high. They do say that we are only given in life what we are able to bear, but it does seem that some people often through no fault of their own are given a much greater burden than the rest of us are.

While everyone does have their own problems, one of our main purposes for being here I believe is to work through our own difficulties one faltering step at a time, and if by so doing we can help someone else as well with their problems, then we have made this world a better place simply by us being here. I cannot think of a better tribute for us to leave to future generations than to feel that we have made a significant positive difference in at least one other person's life, even if by the world's standards our contribution may be judged by others as being trivial and confined to our little corner of the Earth.

I do not see the primary role of a psychic reading as providing clear cut answers. Rather I see it as providing insights, friendly advice (non professional) and whatever support it is felt is needed. Yes you are a different person now from the one you were before you endured all of the above with both courage and perseverance that would have tried a saint (which neither of us are), but you are now stronger and a little wiser as well as a direct result of having come through this and survived to tell the tale. Often there are very few answers that we can give you at a particular time, because each individual step must be done in a certain order, before the next part of the solution is going to be of any use or make any sense to you.

We are given the wisdom we seek only as we are fully prepared to be able to use it effectively in order to improve the quality of our lives, and not a moment before.  Curiosity is always a good place to begin, but by itself it is only likely to give you the answers you wanted to hear all along. I have found that such readings are only merely a reflection of the querent's (person asking for a reading) own wishful thinking or most cherished fantasies. It is always much easier said than done, but feel the fear and do it anyway. If you do not feel a degree of anxiety when facing your problems then I feel that you would not be human, so do not think that you are alone in experiencing fears or doubts that you have what  it takes to make the grade.

Rather than always seeing these as problems, see them instead as challenges placed in your path, not because you have been negatively judged by God as being a bad person or seriously lacking any positive qualities, but rather because it is felt to be in your own longer term best interests (even though while it is happening you may feel as though you have been left completely alone without any hope of getting assistance, and that not even God himself does not care about what will happen and has therefore abandoned you). Such is the ultimate test of faith, often called the dark night of the soul.

Kindest regards,

eye_of_tiger