You have no valid reason for asking for anyone's apology here for telling things exactly as you see them, and I admire your honesty and courage in doing so. The lavender light you have already sensed is around you has been sent specifically to progressively release the many sources of tension throughout your body, encourage the movement of the life force or vital energies along the body's meridians, and above all give you an improved sense of general health and well being. In other words the evidence is already there staring you squarely in the face that you are never (and will never be) completely alone in your ongoing struggle to find a better life for yourself, and that
you are loved unconditionally (warts and all).
Yes you took what might appear to others to be an unwarranted risk by making this significant move to a place which is far away from any emotional or other support network you may have had where you were previously living, but my feelings on the basis of this reading are that you have been true to your own inner guidance, and that while there will always be challenges wherever you are living at the time, that your many critics which include your inner voice which is scolding you like a parent does a young child and is telling you that these obstacles placed in your path are signs that you are going in the wrong direction will all prove to be wrong themselves.
We are not measured by the experiences we have had (and I must agree that what you have been asked to endure with such great courage up until now seems to be on the surface grossly unfair), but rather by whether we let them beat us and make us give up, or whether instead we use our understandable anger at having been treated in such a disrespectful manner in order to motivate ourselves to make whatever positive changes are required to improve matters.
I would never wish what you have had to go through on my worst enemy (if I had any), let alone one of my best friends such as yourself, but I do believe that out of all that negativity in your past could potentially come a lot of good, although it is going to take quite a bit of faith from you to be able to carry on in spite of your financial and other difficulties, and eventually see the dawn of a brighter day or the end of what has been up until now a long and winding road.
Since you have made it this far with your sanity and feelings of self worth still relatively intact, then I believe that your poor assessment of yourself really does not have any basis in reality. In other words you are a survivor, and you have always given of your very best to everyone around you, and have done everything which any reasonable God who is worthy of your praise could ever reasonably expect of you with the resources he has blessed you with.
There is therefore much which is good in life still waiting out in the world for you, but to be able to take maximum advantage of it, you need to get out there and create your own opportunities, instead of waiting indefinitely for the Wheel of Fortune to turn randomly in your favour. You have been given the divine gift of being able to express yourself creatively both in the form of the written word and through your drawings and paintings, but unless you can begin to believe in yourself and your significant artistic abilities more, then all the advertising and other promotional activities designed to get your abilities recognised by the general paying public will continue I fear to be relatively ineffective.
When you ask if you are going to be published, do you currently have another book in the pipeline that would give you a chance of this happening within the next six months or so (the period of time associated with readings of this type)? Or are you presently experiencing a severe case of writer's block, as well as being so concerned where the money is going to come from to pay the bills that you simply do not have the time to sit down and tune into your creative source (muse) as you were able to do relatively easily before you moved? Your gift has not gone way or abandoned you permanently, but I do feel that it will need to be temporarily focussed in another direction, until you can at least get back on your feet in a financial sense.
Rather than forcing yourself to write that next prize winning novel, see if you can find some other way to keep your writing, drawing and painting skills up to scratch, but at the same time use them to bring in some extra money sooner rather than later. Do not feel that by doing so you will unintentionally corrupt your gift, or that this is a sign that you have failed at what you have set out to do. The need for money to be able to live reasonably comfortably is just a consequence of living in a physical world such as this one, and your creative muse already recognises this, so why can't you?
Overall I am feeling increasingly confident on the basis of this reading that you have come much further towards achieving your most cherished dreams and ambitions than you are currently willing to give yourself credit for, but please let go of the mistaken idea that if you temporarily need to use your creative gifts in order to get yourself out of a financial hole largely not of your own making that you have somehow offended your Creator, or that you have not been true to yourself every step along the way. Even highly creative and spiritually gifted people need to eat, and to keep a roof over their heads. While you continue to persevere with both courage and faith as your constant companion, your support network automatically goes with you wherever or whoever you are?
God Bless,
eye_of_tiger
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