Hi I was hoping for some guidance regarding my relationship just seems theres a cloud over my life and nothing seems to make me happy. I don't want to seperate as we have a 1 and a half year old son and would like guidance.

Kyle

Kyle,

It is quite bad enough that your relationship presently appears to have stalled, without having to face the possibility that you could lose your 18 month old son as well to your ex partner. No wonder you feel that a dark storm cloud is hanging over your life and nothing else can make you feel happy when you could potentially stand to lose the two people whom you most love in this world in one foul blow. I feel a great sense of empathy with you, as I know just how much both of them mean to you. Without having either of them in your life, nothing else seems to matter much?

From what you have told us there is certainly no lack of motivation and loving commitment from yourself to try to hold things together especially for the sake of your young son, but there are I feel complex and deeply personal issues here concerning why your partner seems determined to end it. I cannot read either of your minds as to determining what chain of events has lead to this sad situation which once held such great promise for you both, but my feelings are that unless you and your partner are able and willing to honestly communicate your feelings to one another (possibly with the help of a fully qualified relationship counsellor), then I cannot see you all living under the same roof at the end of the next six months from now.

It has often been said that for the sake of any children that the two parents should stay living with each other no matter what their own differences might be, but I would not wish to increase your pain by making you feel guilty if this was not found to be possible or safe. I am of the opinion that staying together only for the child's sake is in the long run not in the best interests of any of the three of you, and I do believe that once you have tried what you reasonably can there is a limit to what people should feel compelled to put up with, and that is is then better to make the break and ensure that each partner gets fair access rights to visit and interact with their child.

On the basis of this reading, my impressions are that while I see that your situation is not yet hopeless, that there are things which need to be ironed out between you before it would be possible to go forwards once again with this particular relationship. If it has been trust that has been lost, then trust must be gradually earned back, not only through what the other partner says, but mainly by what they do. In other words, they need to demonstrate by their actions rather than merely by their words that they are seriously wanting to heal the huge emotional gulf which has opened up between them, for which each of them must accept some degree of responsibility.

Any workable relationship involves at least two people who are equally willing to make whatever reasonable sacrifices or compromises are required for the common good of all of them, and who still love one another despite all their differences of opinion as to how best that love should be expressed. I therefore request a healing for all three of you and your relationship with each other, and if it is later found that to make this work that you cannot continue to live together under the same roof on a daily basis, I sincerely hope that you can find a way to still love one another, despite whatever lead to you choosing to separate your living arrangements in the first place. But that point where you will need to accept that you can no longer live with each other has not yet been reached.

May your God go with you always,

eye_of_tiger