Many times, throughout my life I have acted irrationally and without thinking things all the way through I plunge forward. I have gotten some quick lessons on life and a lot of bumps and bruises as well as some heartache along the way.  I have always been able to pull myself up, dust off, pick up the pieces and get on with my life.  I know I’m not the most perfect person and I seem to get into more trouble with my flamboyant Sagittarius ways.  I have always cared about people, their feelings, and their wellbeing the best I knew how to.  I used to be known as always being happy, light hearted, and a strong person, now I can't even remember what happy is or where to find it. I miss my old house, friends and family. I am feeling so lost and alone in my world and at times I just wish god would take me home so I can finally have some peace. I know it’s not my time and “let go of the poor me pity pillow already” I’ve been fighting urge to go back to my ex, but it’s getting harder every day. I caused him so much pain it breaks my heart and I get a pain in my chest.  But now I may have caused more then a broken heart and I want to fix it but, don’t know how. I know things will never change here and I can't keep living the way I am. I think with Mike and I, we were both just looking for comfort at a trying time in our lives. My old boss called and wants me to come back to work for him, but, it was said in a reading I had a few months back that I would find a good paying job here that I would love and ……I should be more trusting in this I just wish I knew how to make it happen or where to start. Do I go back or move forward? What ever I do I need to do it quick before I lose everything I have worked for all my life. I'm getting old and just want to be settled so I can see my kids and grandkids. I’m thinken there's a curse on this house or possibly me. I used to be very lucky in what ever I started or did, now it seems everything I do or touch goes wrong. Also I have been so cold lately that my fingers turn white and hurt like there frost bite and I can't warm up, like now my whole body is shaking from being cold.

If someone can give me some insight or guidance or maybe just a kick in the a$$ I would be very grateful and it would be very much appreciated. I'm not sure what info you need but as too who is involved here Jeff 12/12/59, Jennifer 11/30/64 and Mike 8/23/57 I think years right. I found it strange too that now and not when we were together I realized that Jeff and my ex husband have the same birthday of 12/12 but I think ex husband was 1961.

Thanks very much lots of love.........Jen

Hello Jen,

It appears as though you were successful with your posting this time, as if you had not been I would not be talking to you now.  

This is getting a little creepy for my liking, as my one and only wife of just over 29 years were both born on December 9th, although she is my senior by exactly one year. I think something went terribly wrong when we were born as Sagittarians like your good self, as we are I feel anything but being flamboyant in our behaviour (probably too conservative).

This only goes to further demonstrate that these are only the general character tendencies we enter this lifetime with, but our genetic make up and the environment can also significantly modify these as our lives progress. My message is therefore one of the need as I see it for you to be much more tolerant of your human weaknesses, as who ever said that all of our thoughts and feelings were meant to be either logical or rational as defined by another person?

Change is one of the few constants we can always depend on in our lives, but it is both the ever increasing rate and immense size of the changes we are expected to adapt to in our hectic modern life that I feel is a major source of the problem. The Tarot card called DEATH rarely is seen as a omen that your allotted time on Earth is nearly over, and that you are therefore about to pop your clogs or kick the bucket.  

But it does emphasise that in order to progress to the next important phase of your life that we often are required to shed our old and often outworn ways of thinking and doing things, as well as letting go of old relationships which have outlived their effective shelf life. In a way we are being expected to symbolically die to our old lives as they once were, in order to be reborn again into something which is hopefully better. The need to be "born again" is therefore not confined to Christianity? We each come into this world with nothing but our birthday suits, and we eventually leave it having progressively let go of everything and everyone who we spent all of those confusing years trying to hold on to.

The only lasting thing we get to take with us is the love we shared with others while we were still here, so to base your happiness entirely on what is physical and therefore temporary is an excellent recipe for a life  of disappointment and misery when it begins to dawn on us that those hypocrites who claim that we were meant to always be deliriously happy all of the time were either fooling themselves, or were attempting to make us believe this nonsense in the own best interests.

I believe on the other hand that we were meant to experience the entire spectrum of human emotions, and that therefore being sad or angry at times does not necessarily make us or our life a failure. How can a person fully appreciate what it feels like to be truly happy, if she has not first felt the full depths of unhappiness? How can we fully discover the immense joy of meeting our true life companion, if we have never known what it is like to be without this special person in your life?

The measure of a human being is not what mistakes they make (as most of life is trial and error), but whether or not they take positive lessons from their failures and how quickly they can pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and decide to start all over again. It is only a real failure if you allow your fears of repeated failure to get the best of you, and prevent you from getting back on that horse that has just unceremoniously thrown you to the ground ASAP.

So here comes that cosmic kick in the pants that you suggested you might need in order to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and to re-awaken inner strengths which I know you possess, that you have not even begun to be aware of or use yet. These obstacles in your path are put there precisely to help you become a stronger person within yourself. They are not to be automatically regarded as signs that you are going in the wrong direction. I am almost beginning to believe that unless a person encounters challenges in their lives and works towards overcoming them, then one of their main purposes for being here on the Earth during this turbulent turning point in human history and evolution is not being properly served.  

At the same time as I pass on to you this Universal kick in the Khyber (pass rhymes with ass), I want you to know that you are far from alone in feeling, sad, frustrated and temporarily lacking in any sense of purpose or direction. You are already doing enough of a good job by yourself in being your own worst enemy, and I therefore want you to know that you are never truly alone when you continue to walk (or stumble) through life with both faith and hope as your travelling companions.

There is always a friend waiting out there to help you, as long as you are willing to continue to reach out for help wherever you may find it, so please never again believe that the Universe and your many friends on these MB forums do not care about what is happening in your life. We are all mainly here on Earth to work with our own challenges or problems, but if in so doing we raise only one other person's spirits in the process, then we will one day leave this planet better off for us having been here. One useful way of temporarily forgetting about our own problems, is to forget them for a time and help someone else instead, with no expectation of reward?

Hold firmly onto your faith,

eye_of_tiger

Hi eye_of_tiger
Yes I did make it this time and I am grateful that I did, although I can't say I've ever had a cosmic kick in the pants before, and was wondering how far that could take me:)...I was able to get into the other post and it says "it's under construction." No telling what I did...First and foremost I would like to Thank You very much for your kind and gentle words of wisdom.  I hope you didn't get the beginnings of carpel tunnel while typing it up though that would also be my way of saying Thank You Again for the time and effort I can see you put into your words. I hope you to know I did take it to heart and I copied and pasted it in my learning folder.

Secondly, I wish to sincerely express my apologies to anyone I may have made feel uneasy with my post. I have not nor would I ever think of anyone here on the MB forums to be uncaring or not a friend in the makings. I love it here and have been learning a lot of new things. I am going on 3 months being here and I knew it would take time to met new people.  I do come here when I can so I can read and learn, sometimes I am more silent and just read and learn while finding my own way to fit in and other times a subject can really get me going.  I usually reach out for a helping hand in a more productive manner and I do apologize again if I made anyone upset.

I have been thru a lot in my life as I'm sure everyone has a story. I think this is bothering me more so because I haven't been able to snap out of it and it's going on a year now. I know change is necessary to help us grow and so is feeling and understanding our emotions and not just feeling our own pain or joy  but other peoples as well as our own…..  I believe that feelings aren’t right or wrong their just there...When Jeff calls me I can hear and feel the pain that I have caused him and I hate it that I could do that to someone especially someone I love.  We had been together only 16 months when he got into trouble and had to go away, we had already picked out the house together and we were fixing it up so we could get married in the back yard.  Now I think I did it again…… when we were talking last night and I hear the pain in his voice as he tells me he needs me there with him and he was telling me that if I don’t come back and help him with the house it will go back to the bank and ruin both our credit. He kept asking me what I wanted to do with the house and I said go back to 2004.  We talked for about 2 hours and when he asked I did, say I wanted to go back home and us work on things and save the house, but at the same time not knowing if I can trust him and I know he doesn’t me and then there’s Mike…..That saying is so true…..Oh the tangled webs we weave when we first start to deceive..... I think I need some sleep I keep dozing off......Thanks again