With due respect to your Mum and friends they are probably too emotionally close to you to be able to give you an objective reading. While I am very sensitive to the pain you feel from being alone at the age of 20, nobody least of all myself has the right to tell you what you should or should not be feeling, even if it is done in what they might believe are your best interests.
I also feel that like myself you are confusing worrying yourself sick with caring. The need to express love and to be loved in return for being the wonderful person whom you already are is possibly our greatest spiritual need while living on this planet, so if it is wrong to care about this then I don't know what future there is for us as a species. But caring is hardly the same as worrying yourself into an early grave, simply because other people do not seem to recognise that we are each lovable and worthy of being loved in our own unique ways. Much of the pressure you are experiencing to have that special man in your life comes from the biological urge to find a suitable mate and have his child or children. Yes the urge is probably much greater in your early 20s than when you are double that age, but this is by the design of our Creator as you are entering the years when a woman is normally at the peak of her child bearing ability.
So if you are going to continue to beat up on yourself and think that there is something wrong for feeling this way, or that you are somehow weak for seeking help on this forum please think again, as your mind is at present your own worst enemy and it is deceiving you into believing that you are any less a person for feeling and acting in this manner (which seems perfectly normal to me and very life affirming as well). Rather than thinking you are weak and helpless, I can see past your mind's tricks and instead I see a young woman who is doing her level best to please other people, but is at the same time denying her own equally important needs so that people might find her more acceptable. While you may have been fooled by your mind into believing you are weak and only half a person without a man, I see you as having great inner strength and a loving and caring person in your own right.
To be completely honest with you my feelings from this intuitive reading are that you will be given many opportunities over the coming months and years to find the love and happiness you so deserve in the arms of a man who values and respects the fact that your personal meaning and purpose could be very different from his (although your relationship with each other can still work well). Of course while you are feelings so depressed and down upon yourself for being human you are probably not going to feel much like getting out there and visiting the places where you would most expect to find the man who has the qualities which you find attractive.
I therefore feel that there is very little point in me making predictions about when and where you are going to meet the man of your dreams and settle down, but I do feel that there is quite a lot you can actively do in the meantime to ensure that this happens sooner rather than later. My advice would not be to argue with your mind when it tells you what is total nonsense and attempts to remove all hope from you of your life ever improving, but fill the empty space instead with positive self affirming thoughts.
I think that there is no way that you can beat your subconscious mind at it's own game, and by trying to do exactly this you are weakening your position even further. Do whatever you possibly can (don't overdo the retail therapy) to increase your own feelings of self confidence and self worth (including saying daily affirmations and taking better care of yourself), and you will soon attract the right type of man for you.
There is I feel every reason for you to feel hopeful that your loneliness will soon come to an end (do not for one moment believe that you are somehow destined to remain alone for the rest of your life, as this is another common ploy used by our minds to make us give up trying). You are not half a woman without a man in your life who loves you, but you are as worthy of being loved as is the next person, and your mind is not going to be allowed to get it's way if I have any say in this.
Whatever you decide to do do it for yourself, please be aware that you have many new friends on these forums who believe in you, more than you probably believe in yourself at this moment. We will continue to provide you with whatever moral support we are able in order to help you to make the required positive changes in your life, but in the end it is largely up to you to make the effort needed to reject the role of remaining as a helpless victim of your own mind's seemingly endless tricks to convince you that there is no hope of you
ever finding true love.
Love, Light and Peace,
eye_of_tiger
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