Hello Robbin,
As I feel that in this case your need is fairly urgent, and being very sensitive to how upsetting this breakup in your marriage of 19 years must be for you, I am on this occasion willing to temporarily waive the forum rule about not requesting a reading in your very first posting to these boards. Could you please therefore return the favour by contributing to some of the other non reading forums as well, once this reading has been completed?
While you may feel that you would know everything of any importance about your husband by now, I sense that like everyone else here he is a very complex person, and that what you see is not always what you get. Also I believe he has the common human failure of thinking one thing, but saying another. In other words I feel that this has occurred not only because a lack of trust has developed between you leading up to this, but also that there has been either a temporary or permanent breakdown in communication. Am I understanding this correctly when I feel that you have no actual physical evidence of his unfaithfulness to you? In other words, it is only your feelings that might be telling you that something of this nature is going on. Could there be other alternate reasons within your relationship that has contributed to this happening as well as the possibility of another woman? One of the most significant would be that he has strayed before.
Your kids are not of an suitable age or maturity to recognise that you have no other choice out of necessity than to find work outside your home, but having just seen their father walk out on them it is perfectly understandable that if you leave them to go off to work each day ,that they might misinterpret this to mean that you are also deserting them when they are in greatest need. I am therefore wondering depending on the ages of your children whether it would be possible to first make some money from home using the internet, or doing something that would not involve you from being away from them for too long at a time. I sense that your children have been much more affected by your husband leaving you than they are able to express to you through words as their mother, so that you will need to somehow find a comfortable balance for you between getting a job with which to support your family, while at the same time ensuring that they do not feel left alone in the process.
To be able to make any predictions about when and with whom you are likely to get a job in order to be able to pay your household bills over the next six months or so, I would need to know your qualifications, skills, personal preferences and the relative availability of the type of job you are looking for in your local area. A professional career counsellor or advisor is probably your best bet with regard to helping you best match the job for which you are applying to your specific needs. Unfortunately I cannot tell you whether everything will come together for you job wise over the coming months, and that your money situation will also improve very soon. My feelings are however that while there will be opportunities coming up for you in the area of employment over the next year, that you do need to do whatever you can to conserve and better manage the resources you already possess.
I only wish I could tell you much more definitely that either your husband will return to his loving family (minus the issues which lead to him walking out on you), and that you will be able to play happy families once again, or on the other hand that you will get a job which will make you much more independent of your husband supporting you all, and that it will subsequently become much easier for you financially from now on.
I cannot guarantee to you that either of these events will happen. If indeed there is another woman, and there is no suggestion from your reading that this is necessarily so, I feel that it will not be too long before she gets tired of him. The question then is whether or not you would be willing and able to give each other and your 19 years of married life together another fair try. I do not see any way of any of these things happening if both of you are not willing to honestly communicate your true feelings to one another, and are not also agreeable to a mutually satisfying compromise. I also believe that receiving professional advice from either a marriage or career counsellor is the easier way for you to move forwards once again as a family unit (either with or without your husband)), but in your present financial position and not knowing whether you could get such assistance in your local area, I do not know whether my friendly suggestion to seek a professional is at all practical.
God bless you all, and you are now in my healing thoughts and prayers,
Loving regards,
eye_of_tiger
