Hello Arth,
I have opened yur records and have some information for you.
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| I am still trying to figure out my sexual orientation... and its making it more and more difficult for me to find some true love in my life.... I feel lonely... mostly depressed... just want to give up on everything... and pack my bags and move out of this planet... but then realise thats not the solution... the more I seek love the more it eludes me... |
You don't understand your sexuality, you are so confused because you were never around women when you were younger except your immediate relatives. You never had an opportunity to understand the opposite sex. You are very comfortable with men, you grew up with them and for some reason I get the sense that someone you look up to has given you the idea that you should be with same sex relationships. You also do not like yourself because you cannot be sure of who or what you are. The first thing you need to learn is unconditional love. That is, you love a person no matter what sexual orientation they are, not wanting anything in return. Your Mother loves you unconditionally, there is absolutely nothing you could ever do to stop her from loving you. She may be disappointed in you at times, but never stops loving you. You seem to be afraid of women, you need to make an attempt at socializing with women and getting to know them as human beings, not as an opponent.
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| Recently I met a guy... and in one meeting (well actually two meetings now) ...thought this is it...he is the one.... but hell its not the first time I have felt that way... but just as in the past its not worked out... probably it wont this time again ? I am not trying to be pessimistic... just learning from lifes lessons of the past... He has discussed with me that he is not looking for a relationship and seeks only casual fun and I look for some stability with him... May be I am living in my own dream world of having a post-card perfect picture of a relationship.... |
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| Will I ever find love and live with that love... not looking at a 'living happily ever after' scene... even if its for a few moments. i shall be more than happy.... there is so much in me to give... and no takers...I tend to trust people too easily and allow myself to get close to them too quickly for my own good and then feel that i was used like a doormat....and if i stay away from it i feel i may be loosing on an opportunity of meeting Mr.Right... |
I am still getting a strong sense that your lasting relationship will be with a woman. Someone has told you you are attracted to the same sex, you try so very hard but nothing seems quite comfortable, you are beating your head against a brick wall.
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| This is confusing to write but I will nevertheless... I adore children and would love to father a child someday but with this attraction to the same sex...its probably a distant dream... |
I think if you will step outside the mold some one made for you, you will have a chance at finding the one you could live the rest of your life with.
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| My past relationships (none were live-in relationships), were emotionally draining and its affecting my health mentally and physically... just fear I hope I dont damage myself permanently ... I realise I lack self-worth (though in the eyes of the world I am a great success personally/professionally)... these thoughts are really eating me up like a plague and I dont / cannot discuss it with even close friends / family or else I would be thrown out of the social circle... Dont know if its my Karma or something that I have done in the past birth... what lesson am I learning from this.... I have no idea... |
Could it be that you are batteling yourself? I am getting the sense that you were a woman in your past life, loved men so much and this re-remembering has confused you so strongly. Perhaps this is what is making you feel you are drawn to other men rather than someone close to you. I want you to say the releasing prayer for 32 days and then let me know what you are feeling. It has taken you a long time to get to this point, another 32 days cannot hurt anything. I would love to see a response from you and let me know if this has helped.
RELEASING PRAYER
If what I am experiencing is not mine, may God have His Shield of Love around me and I release whatever it may be to Him, (for the Highest Good of Others and Myself)
If you need to change this prayer up a little you are welcome to do so, it must be kept very simple and it is very powerful. I would suggest putting this on your bedside and say it each evening or each morning, whichever is most convenient for you.
May you receive all the blessing God Has in store for you.
Love, Light and Laughter
MangoMom
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