Thank you all so much for your very kind comments.  Eye, you are right by reading what you have said I have realised that I have been pushing my husband away.  I am going to try my hardest to get my family life on an even keel again.  My husband and son deserve as much attention as I have been giving my mam.  Its very hard not having the proof that dad is with me but I can see you are all right, that I am trying too hard and it is not doing me any good.  I am not given myself the time to grieve.

It is so nice to have someone to give me logical advice as its what I need, as I am not looking at things properly at the minute.  Thank you so very much xxx