Thank you for all of the replies.  I can feel the kind energy flowing towards me.

We are working with our third counselor in 3 years.  We get to a point with each one where he refuses to go anymore - usually when they tell him he's standing in his own way.  I've mentioned anger management before.

He had a blowup the other morning and I did ask him to leave.  He said he would find an apartment.  He was out of town for a couple of days and didn't return calls but finally left a msg this morning that he was still leaving.

The reality is I would like to keep my family intact.  I don't want to be divorced.  I want to be married to the "good" side, but I struggle with what to do with the "bad."  I've tried setting boundaries and he's crossed every one.  It's entirely possible I'm not very good with enforcing the boundaries.   I left him a message and said again, as I said it the day of the blowup, that he needs help and I'm willing to work with him if he'll get it.  I don't know if he will be open to more counseling with the same counselor - a different counselor - an anger therapist.  

Whatever the underlying issues are, he's very smart and very high functioning.  I have a good career and am financially stable on my own, but somehow that doesn't make the decision to stay or go any easier.

The ferris wheel concept is spot on.  There is a Father Ken I"ve spoken to a couple of times - wonder if that could be "Ed?"

I sincerely appreciate all of the posts.  As you know, when you are in the midst of something you can't always see/think clearly.  Part of me says to let him move out - maybe that will force him to get help.  The other part tells me to reason with him to stay and get help.  I've asked the Universe to send me a sign.  I'm waiting...

Reading your posts makes me want to cry, lol.  In a sense I've been there too, and at the same time I can sense your pain and longing to keep the family you want intact.  His distance could be helpful.  Maybe it will help him be alone with his thoughts and see things in a new light.  Maybe it won't.  Though, with any family, allowing space and time to think can help clear the mind.  In my own family, my parents go to separate rooms when they've had a conflict.  They end up becoming more cool-headed and collected.  For some reason my gut is saying "Let him out."  When I read your first post, I was feeling "Leave" very strongly.  It's like all the alarms were going off and I wanted to rescue you out of there, lol.  No matter how good a person can be, if they're endangering your emotions, leaving terrible scars behind, unless they come to terms with who they are and that they need to change, it's not worth salvaging.  That's just what I'm feeling right now, but I can always be wrong of course!  

I really like Rhuto's post of course.  I don't think I've seen a wrong post from him yet!  You always need to calm yourself before making vast decisions like this.  I hate divorce in general, but if it's needed, you can't help it.