Hi There

If someone has a free moment or two could they please do a general reading for me?  I do have one specific question that I would like some guidance with if possible, and that is......
There's a guy at work (a fellow manager) who loves being the centre of attention.  We both got appointed to a management role at the same time (Aug last year) and IMHO I don't think he has stepped up to the mgmt role as well as I have (I don't say this out of jealousy).  Our manager has confided the same thoughts to me personally about him and She's trying to help him step up.  Lately I'm finding I'm becoming increasingly intolerant of him and his 'polay the fool' attitude and almost avoidance of his management role.  I don't want to cause any dramas with him because we both work together and his group's area has a very big impact on the success of mine (which is just me).

So my question is....will I be able to get over this angst about him without causing any hiccups in the teams?  I joined this group in Aug last year whereas he was already there but in a Team Leader role.  Will it mean that I leave the group altogether?

Any guidance or advice would be very much appreciated!

Thanks in advance

Peace, love and light to you all!

My details are:
name: Conny Marment
Born:  31 August 1962

Hello Conny,

In response to your question I was given an image of two children on a teeter totter. This is not to suggest that you or your coworker are children or that you are behaving as children. However,  it's an image that somehow captures the dynamic of your relationship with him.

My sense is that neither of you are ever always "up" or always "down". Both of you have your high and low moments. Will the situation change? The image of the teeter totter suggests to me that you are both in a fixed relationship that will remain as it is until one of you chooses to get off and walk away.

This is not to suggest that one of you must quit or be fired or transferred. It simply suggests that for as long as you wish to compete in this manner only one of you can be up and only one of you can be down at the same time. That's the way the teeter totter works.

You both have the option to get out of this stuck relationship and try something new. You could take a ride on the swings together for example. That relationship would allow both of you to be "up" at the same time and contribute equally to your jobs.

The image of the teeter totter suggests to me that you would be better served by taking a new approach to this working relationship. The options are many and a new approach can provide both of you with a less stressful and more fulfilling work environment.

On the other hand, you both can decide to stay on that teeter totter for as long as external circumstances permit. Each day you'll experience the frustration of your coworker's energy working against you. In this case, he only has to sit on his end of the teeter totter and do nothing while you do all the work.

If you are asking for counsel then perhaps it's time to try a different approach to your problem. Let the image of the teeter totter sink in until you can feel the futility of staying on that ride. Even if you manage to keep yourself up more often than he does, neither of you is really getting anywhere in life. You are simply moving up and down in precisely the same spot.  

This is your decision. Your call. You are in clear view of all the other persons in the playground of your workplace. It's no doubt obvious to everyone what's going on with you two in your little corner of the sandbox.

Thanks Grayson.  That's exactly what it feels like sometimes - well....often.  I feel 'down' when I know he's doing some work with the boss or is in her favour at the time but then I feel 'UP' when I know he's not done something that he should have or hasn't made a decision and 'delegates' or avoids issues.

I've been waiting for him to step up and pick at him everytime he does something that I don't particularly like.  So as you suggest, I think it's time I rose above gthat childishness and just be all that I need to be or want to be as a manager and not worry so much about what others are doing.

Time to get off the teeter totter!!

Thanks very much for the insight and opening my eyes to how silly I've been.  It has been a futile exercise with him and one I was/will never win with him.