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Posts: 13 · Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:32 am

HEY I DESPERATELY NEED TO FIND SOMEONE AND I AM IN NEED OF SOME ADVICE SHOULD I TRY TO FIND HIM? DOES HE WANT ME TO FIND HIM? PLEASES HELP

Posts: 1779 · Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 1:43 am

Dear Nancy,

Just one friendly piece of advice for you, with you feeling so desperate to find your first love.

Whatever you do, do not let the eligible men amongst your social acquaintances know that you are as desperate as you say, or you could quite unintentionally attract the wrong sort of person, who will believe that because you are so desperate you are also willing to accept far less from the relationship than you so richly deserve.

If you are already getting that "could be left permanently on the shelf" feeling at the still relatively young age of 25, please take heart from the fact that your reader probably amongst many other people here was a late developer when it came to matters of the heart, and I consequently do not regard your age as a barrier to you ultimately finding the man you may feel that you have been waiting an eternity for (even though it is nowhere near as long as it might seem).

Of course you should take positive practical steps to determine what type of man you would eventually like to spend the rest of your life with (under two columns write down what you can and cannot accept in your man on a piece of paper) then go to the types of places where you would most expect to find the type of man you have just described in detail.

Do not above all leave things entirely to chance with regard to attracting the right type of person for you, and certainly do not become discouraged and prematurely give up simply because the first one or two men might reject you as not being compatible with them. Some personalities will never be compatible, but sometimes I have seen couples with completely the opposite extremes of personality somehow make it work (if they love one another enough and are also willing to persevere and possibly make some compromises in order to increase their chances of staying together over the longer term).

On the basis of this reading, I sense that you feel trapped by a set of circumstances which you BELIEVE in your heart of hearts are largely beyond your control and could serve as a permanent red stop sign when it comes to your hopes of finding a suitable partner. I emphasised the word BELIEVE in the last sentence, because to a great extent these barriers exist only in your mind.

For example you may see your age as being a distinct disadvantage in the romance stakes, but to many men a woman of your still tender years would be much more attractive than a giggling schoolgirl who still has absolutely no idea of what she really wants from life, and has an over-romanticised head up in the clouds attitude that if she is meant to have a mate then life will conveniently point her in the right direction when such a time arrives.

My reading on the other hand is encouraging you to take a much more positive and realistic approach to selecting what you feel is your ideal partner. Do not wait in vain hope of him magically turning up on your front doorstep simply because your meeting was destined, and wipe away any thoughts of it being a matter of they lived happily ever after, as human relationships require consistent hard work to both blossom and mature as your love for one another must also do. Rather than waiting indefinitely for the right opportunities to come along or for the man to want to find you (when he is probably as confused as you are about what he wants in a woman), create them yourself by taking deliberate positive action?

Wishing you continuing good health and increased happiness over the coming months,

eye_of_tiger