I am happy with my life, I have a loving family, good friends, I like my job but my love life has been very unsuccessful so far. I was in an abusive relationship for about 5 years (though I didn`t realize it then) and finally got dumped in a rather nasty and humiliating way. it took me two years to get over the heartbreak. a few month ago I started dating again and everythinng seamed fine, but now all is unclear and I`m confused again.
so, I thought maybe someone here could give me a reading to help me with that. I`ll be really very grateful.
thank you all in advance :X

Hi Ani-

I really don't feel a reading would help you with this. Although there may be those who disagree.

Your concern is you got out of the fire and did you go back into the frying pan? Normal question for what you've been through. No more black and blue. :(

I'm going to share a little part of my life I don't share with many... and well, now the whole board will know but whatever. It is what it is. Needless to say, the thought process that follows this break up is very important.

I was in one of those relationships, when I was a teenager no less, I finally dumped him after three years. We grew up together, lived around the block from each other, played together, were friends and started dating when I was 15. I broke up with him a few weeks into our relationship because I felt I still wasn't over my first boyfriend who I had broken up with 6 months prior, but I didn't feel it was fair to him to pursue a relationship if my heart wasn't ready for it. What did he do? He threw me in front of a moving car on a major road, luckily I wasn't hit. I didn't talk to him for about a week and he kept calling, coming over, and I ignored him. But we had the same friends, we all grew up together so it was inevitable I was bound to be around him eventually and of course that is what happened. Well, he caught me alone at the party and cornered me, started crying he didn't know what got into him, he was so sorry, he would never do anything to hurt me.. blah blah blah.. snip. Who wants to believe at the age of 15 that people like that exist? Who wants to believe that the person you have called a friend for the last 10 years of your life would want to hurt you? OK... I felt bad (this is a teenagers thinking) and out of pity we got back together. Well.. big mistake. By getting back together with him it did two things 1. I lost a part of myself by caving in and believing his nonsense 2. It sent a message he knew he could get away with it. Each time we argued, disagreed or if some guy was admiring me or liked me he would hit, punch, choke until I passed out, give me concussions, break bones, and believe me I fought back.. I fight like a man. I should have just walked away.... but being a stupid kid I would beat him up while he was beating me up. Each time it happened, I lost more of myself... The bruises, the broken bones, were dismissed as I was a clumsy and accident prone kid. I fell, I snapped three ribs while on the weight training machine.. you know the excuses. The last time he hit me I put him in the hospital... he banged my head against the car until I was out cold. Next thing I know his face is buried in my lap and he is crying "why do you make me do this to you?" This was because someone we both knew liked me, like that was my fault!  I pretended to still be out cold, listening to him, this sick, twisted individual and the insanity that defined our relationship until I could take no more. I was like a volcanic eruption and then I grabbed him by his hair and I continuously smashed his head against my knee to the point where he was delirious. While he tried to hit me back, tried grabbing my leg to stop my knee from bashing him in his face my stiletto went right through his hand and that is where it all ended. He got to take himself to the hospital and I wanted nothing to do with him anymore and I didn't...  He didn't leave me alone for 14 more years begging me to come back. If he knew where I was now, he'd still be stalking me.

I've had 22 years to think long and hard about that time in my life. Before you jump out of the frying pan re-build your self-esteem. Know who you are! Understand and know what you will and will not allow. Know how you want to be treated, what you will and won't tolerate and why. Accept and respect yourself. Do not allow anyone to treat you less than, do not allow anyone to treat you like are stupid, do not allow anyone to talk down to you, do not allow anyone to belittle you or put you down. Do not allow anyone to ever hit you. Do not tolerate behaviour from someone who hits the door instead or another object he takes his tantrum out of instead of you - it's an indirect threat and what it says is "this is YOU" when I hit this. See a therapist who can help you try and understand why you ended up in this relationship, what part of you was attracted to this, what part of you is vulnerable that allowed yourself to be subjected to such treatment.  Know what you want in a relationship, know your expectations and don't ever be anyone's doormat or punching bag. It's not what God intended for you, otherwise you'd be a "welcome mat' on someone's front stoop or an Everlast punching bag.

If you're wondering about your current relationship with someone you are involved with... take a time out and evaluate it. Ask yourself why and don't worry if your answers are irrational to you. If you see there is emotional or mental abuse, walk away and don't look back. If he has hit you or slapped you, or indirectly threatened you, RUN and never look back! If things are unclear to you because you are afraid, then you still need time to heal and learn to trust yourself again before getting too serious with someone. Know thyself and to thine own self be true.

I could go on and on about this, but I think you get the gist of what I am saying...

::hugs:: God Bless, and I'm here if you need me...

Angelique

hi Angelique,
thank you so much for your reply and for sharing your story with me.. I loved the part where you described beating him up LOL... In my case, I was abused psychologically, not physically, but I think its equally awful. My self esteem fell to zero, he somehow made me believe I was a useless object that noone would ever show interest in. In other words he treated me like trash and expected me to be grateful... dont know why I didnt dump him myself   .

As for my present boyfriend, hes totally different. hes not in any way abusing me (I would never do the same mistake and go for the same type of a man again), he cares for me a lot, but the problem is hes from a different country. he worked here for some time but then he had to leave. we keep in touch but I the situation is yet unclear. he doesnt give me clear answers. maybe hes not sure of hes feelings and doesnt want to give me empty promises... I really dont see how our relationship would evolve and was wondering if anyone could throw a little light upon it   .  
thanks again for your advice and support.
hugs & blessings

Emotional abuse is just as bad, the scars it leaves are just as bad.

As for your self esteem, start working on it. You AREN'T useless or anything else he fed you. You need to work on that or it will over flow into other areas of your life and effect your future. In which case it will lead you into other relationships that will be similar to the one you left behind. Feelings of being powerless over matters are just the beginnings. You need to ask yourself if what you have is patience or is what you consider patience betraying you. Sometimes we confuse the feeling of hopelessness, that something is out of our control, with what we consider to be patience.  In which case leads to making excuses for a situation when it's really another persons behaviour we are making excuses for. The reality is we are making excuses for them so we can excuse ourselves. It's a vicious cycle. You can't change people, you can only change yourself, your thoughts, your actions and how you react to them; and most importantly never change for anyone except for yourself.

I understand you would like a reading but a reading isn't necessary here. You have things you need to work on within yourself. Start trusting your instincts, there is a reason you have them. Again I leave you with the same ending of my last message to you... Know thyself and to thine own self be true.

As for the #14, which flashed before my eyes again today and I had to do another double take, it will remain a mystery.

God bless,

Angelique

Hi Ani,
  I am very new at this but I would like to give you what I picked up from your request.
The first thing you have to do is take time to heal your emotions. Often we think we have gotten past situations in our lives but there is a part of the pain that stays with us.  Work on healing yourself and forgiving yourself. Realize that you are worthy of love exactly as you are. There is something new coming for you, but you have to focus on loving yourself in order to be open to love. Don't look for it. It will find you.

Hope this helps.
Angel blessings to you