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Posts: 4135 · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:03 am

From what I understand of your response he simply told you that he was enjoying himself watching a movie with some of his friends that day when you rang. In other words, he appears to have been completely honest with you that he was doing something else that day, but he never said anything that would suggest that he did not want to see you some other time, or that he was not interested in you romantically. Surely he can have his own friends over to his place now and then, without you having your feelings hurt and breaking up your relationship with one another.

Unfortunately you overreacted to what you misinterpreted as a rejection, when I believe that it was nothing to be concerned about (even though it was obviously disappointing not to be able to see him that day). You made a mistake for sure, but this simply shows that you are human and it will eventually blow over if you do not continue to punish yourself for having loving feelings for this man.

Take what lessons you can learn from what happened and try not to turn something into a battle when you could have asked him if he would like to meet you the following day, instead of expecting him to be waiting for your call every day before contacting his own friends. You can still have a relationship with this man, if you can only accept that he should be able to see his friends sometimes without you always being there.

To prevent him from doing so and suspecting immediately that he is with some other woman is a sign of your own insecurity (understandable), but in this case at least your suspicions have no basis in reality. He was doing what he said - watching movies with his friends. Give it time and allow things to settle down before you phone him again. Life is mainly trial and error, and you made an error this time. Do not blow this out of all reasonable proportion, and beat up on yourself for needing to feel loved. You will continue to have my full support.

Posts: 37 · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 3:59 am

Dear eye-of-tiger,

Thanks for yr encouraging reply. However, if he really cared, he would hv replied to my sms sent on sat & Sunday, isn’t it ?? He knew I was depressed, yet he was able to ignore me and go for a movie.
Y/day, I sent him a mail apologizing for being rude to him thru sms and explaining my state of mind due to the breakup. Again, no reply from him. He has completely cooled off. Why cant he just reply with some soothing words ? He is completely ignoring me. I wonder if he feels being stalked by me. I just need one msg fm him saying that he too cares and understands, but I feel he is scared to come close to me again for fear that I will pile on again. How can I go back again when he is not responding to me at all ?? Sorry dear…im being negative. Shall try and think positively after sometime…

Posts: 4135 · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 4:45 am

While the circumstances are not quite the same when I was courting my wife of now 28 years we had an arrangement that on those days did not see each other in person ( I had a full teaching load at the time) we used to instead take turns phoning each other. I was still living at home with my parents back then.

One night it was her turn to ring me, but no telephone call ever came. I was worried, but deeply hurt.

On the next day I finally heard from her and she asked me if I wanted to see her ever again. I replied that the answer was obvious, so why would she ask such a strange question (and why didn't she ring me the previous night).

Now it finally turned out that my own father had used our phone earlier that same night, and the hand piece had not been properly put back on the receiver. Her call had not got through because the phone had been permanently engaged all night (accidentally). I can tell you that my father was not particularly popular with his only son for some considerable time after this happened!

The moral of my story is not to instantly assume that because someone does not get back to you immediately that it must mean that you have been rejected. The same thing if the other person has already made other arrangements with their friends before you contacted him.

If you continue to overreact and try to push things along too fast without first more carefully checking your facts, your chances of becoming a couple are effectively zero.

If he really does not want to have a relationship with you (and I have yet to hear any evidence that this is so) now or some time in the future, surely it is better to find this out by asking him directly if he first wants to be your friend, rather than making yourself terribly unhappy over something which may never have really happened.

Take it easy and do not panic, and please check out your facts more carefully first before making a decision as to whether or not you have a future together as a couple. I do understand that it is difficult to remain positive all of the time, but do not allow these negative thoughts to possibly spoil what could have potentially been a relatively happy long term relationship on the basis of a missed call or email.

Hey, I am on your side!

Posts: 4314 · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 5:01 am

No offense to anyone on this ongoing public conversation, but oft-times it is best to get the word straight from the horse's mouth and not look all over the Universe BUT the STABLE!

ASK HIM DIRECTLY and that way you would not be imagining things or being aided by imaginative though perhaps caring individuals (?) and just go round and round in this situation.

The final decision is yours! Do you want to be stuck in this situation forever or do you want to experience the rest of your life?

RR

[quote="pjyoti"]Dear eye-of-tiger,

Thanks for yr encouraging reply. However, if he really cared, he would hv replied to my sms sent on sat & Sunday, isn’t it ?? He knew I was depressed, yet he was able to ignore me and go for a movie.
Y/day, I sent him a mail apologizing for being rude to him thru sms and explaining my state of mind due to the breakup. Again, no reply from him. He has completely cooled off. Why cant he just reply with some soothing words ? He is completely ignoring me. I wonder if he feels being stalked by me. I just need one msg fm him saying that he too cares and understands, but I feel he is scared to come close to me again for fear that I will pile on again. How can I go back again when he is not responding to me at all ?? Sorry dear…im being negative. Shall try and think positively after sometime…[/quote]

Posts: 37 · Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 5:21 am

Dear eye-of-tiger,

Thanks for sharing your own personal experiences. U were lucky to hv a happy ending..

About being rejected, I hv mentioned in my very first msg that he requested to split fearing parental opposition. He had told me then (on 30th March) that he cannot marry me as his parents will not allow it. We split over an argument on this. After that, there has been no communication from him at all. So, there is no question of assuming that i hv been rejected. But, I was hoping for a reconciliation since its getting pretty difficult for me to see him everyday in office and with no communication amongst us. I wanted to make an effort in wooing him back. The rest is history..
thanks once again.