I try to keep they type of policy here but after having the door slammed in your face numerous occassions, what is one supposed to do.

For someone who is supposedly learning disabled you write at a very intelligent level. Beyond that, none of the problems you described should stop you from going out and getting your own life. There is nothing you said in anything you wrote that says you can't go out and contribute to the world. Lazy eye and TMJ are annoying but not something that can stop you from holding down a job. Plenty of people go out and work and contribute even with thyroid problems, health issues, and depression.

What, you think the rest of the world has it all easy all the time and we don't have our own issues to contend with?

I'll bet everyone on this board could come up with a list of ailments and problems that are hindering us in our lives, but the difference between the people who are happy and YOU is that YOU are wasting your life focusing on these things and using them as excuses for not living your life.

Beyond that your whole situation sounds bizarre. You are 35 years old and your parents won't let you out? And they'll threaten to stop feeding you if you stand up to them? That's ABUSE. I don't what that you live in the South, and I don't care what the Bible says...honoring your mother and father doesn't mean you sit around and let them abuse you. And if you were *sexually* abused by your parents you should just take that too, because the Bible supposedly says so? That's a misinterpretation of what that commandment means. "Honor" doesn't mean lay over and let someone stomp all over you.

You need to get the hell out of that house and go live on your own somewhere. Go research online and find some organization to help you. What the heck are you going to do when your parents die? You need to learn to live on your own sooner or later and better now before you are too old to change and too frail to take care of yourself.

This also seemed fitting...just popped into my mailbox:

Ugly, The Resident Tomcat

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the
resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating
garbage, and, shall we say, love.

The combination of these things, combined with a life spent outside had
their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye and where the other
should have been was a hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side,
his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed
at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the
corner.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped type, except for the sores
covering his head, neck, and even his shoulders

Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one ugly
cat!!!"

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at
him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or
shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.

Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would
stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things
at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness.

Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically and
bump his head against their hands, begging for their love.

If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt,
earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor's dogs. They did not respond
kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I
got to where he was laying, it was apparent
Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing
and gasping, and could feel him struggling. It must be hurting him terribly,
I thought.

Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so
much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear. I
pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head,
then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct
sound of purring.

Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battle-scarred cat was asking only for
a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had
ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, try to get away from
me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just
looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a
long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray
could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of
spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books,
lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be
thankful. He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the
inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and
deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful,well liked,beautiful, but for
me...

I will always try to be Ugly.

Author Unknown

I am rumored to have 170 iq. As for looking for help from an organization, I dont know because I have been burned before. I have been told I dont have the social skills needed to hold down a job and the state voc rehab helped me find one which I eventually got fired from. They became frustrated with me and told me to file for ssi because I am too high functioning to them. They are used to working with people who have the mentallity to hold down nothing more than workshop or janitorial type work. But since I could manipulate a computer, it upsetted their apple cart. Aspenger's syndrome is a form of high functioning autism which affects ones social skills. I am hoping to move out as soon as my ssi case is settled into my own moble home. When you have been told for years what you cant do you being to believe it and start to live life that way. That is probably where that black hole comes from. Asking for help aint easy for me in certain aspects of my life so I wind up usually trying to do it on my own.

First off, don't let other people put you down and tell you that you can't do something.

With an IQ of 170, you have *something* to contribute to society. There are a lot of jobs that you could do that don't require tremendous social skills. For example, many computer programmers work from home through the Internet and don't even talk to their clients on the phone - they just communicate through email!

However, going to a government organization is NOT going to help you. They are completely clueless about most things. They are not equipped to deal with asperger's, if that's what you have.

BUT there are plenty of organizations and support groups for asperger's out there, with people knowledgeable about the syndrome and able to give you better guidance and help. I did a quick search on google and found this website http://www.aspergerinfo.com which may not be a bad place to start.

Unfortunately, with the world the way that it is, you have to take the first steps and take control over your own destiny. The government isn't going to put you on the right path, and your parents don't sound like they are helping much either. So use your brain and your obviously solid computer skills to find the help you need on the Internet.

But wasting your time and pinning your hopes on male attention to come and save you - speaking as a woman who's been out on that dating scene for quite a while, and seeing how divorce is more the norm nowadays - that's a pie in the sky fantasy even for the average woman. And basing self-esteem on attention from others isn't healthy no matter who you are.

That doesn't mean you won't find a love connection someday - in fact, I'll bet that if there is someone out there for you, he's got some of the same problems you have and probably has asperger's himself. So going out and connecting with others like you is your best bet, not just in terms of getting the support you need, but finding someone that you might actually be able to be with.

Good luck!