blackcat,
I know its hard for you, but you will have to face it, as from cancer your emotional status dont help, you need to get stronger, get the fire that you dont have in your body and be stronger, I know you can!
I want you to pray for yourself, only you, yeah thats right no one else! Pray faithfully, try to pray for Saint Expedito thats my saint and he helped me to get where am I! Right?
I want you to find some place to do Yoga, it helps alot, and meditation, you need to meditate and find your own heals, I don't want you to ever think in drugs cause that something I dont accept in anyone, I've lost girlfriends and friends because of drugs, I don't want you to be easy on that, use the power of the cat! Have you ever so a cat running from a fight? Doesn't he fight till death? ( I mean the real ones not those fussy ones). I want you to find some more friends, choose a cool kind, somes that might help you in moments of suffer, ok?
I know you are strong, im prayng for you, im speaking with orixas just right now, im prayng to my angel and to my saint expedito wish I pray 5 years faithfully, PLEASE THINK ON YOU, don't focus on other now you need to see what happens if the answer is no or yes. ok?
Take care friend...
EDITED: PS: I've never used drugs, I mean my friends start using it so I stop talking with them.